Going Under
by sparklnfade
Summary: It's been ten years since the summer Bella Swan's life changed.  What will happen when she comes face to face with the reason for it?  She went under once, will she go under again? AH ExB
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I own everything but their names.**

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><p><em><strong>April 13, 2011 – Honolulu, Hawaii<strong>_

The smell of salty ocean air hits me as I step into the bright afternoon sunshine of Banzai. The North Shore is deserted, pretty common for the end of competition season. Besides those who weren't brave enough to try _Pipe _in the presence of the endless number of tourists, locals are pretty much the only ones you'll see surfing around here for months.

The waves crash one on top of the other, and I stare. It's gorgeous, really, and an absolute shame that it's so dangerous. If I could, I'd spend every day in that water trying to master those killer waves, even after what happened last time.

Today, though, I have somewhere to be.

Turning away from the view, I jog across the street and look up at the sign above the door. I grin at the familiar name: _Kama'a 'ole_.

It's been _way _too long since I've visited.

Seashells alert my presences as I pull open the door and step inside. The greeting I receive is immediate, and I can't help giggling as Kainoa jets across the store and pulls me into his arms. He's exuberant, just like I remember. Just like I love.

"Izzy! Oh, _tita_, we missed you," he gushes, and I smile up at him.

No matter how many beaches I've been sent on assignment or how many shop owners I've met, these two remain high on my list of favorites. Kai and his wife Ahe have been friends of mine for years; ever since my first _Pipe Masters _when I thought 'hey, that looks fun!' and was stupid enough to get my little ass into the big water across the road.

It if hadn't been for Kai, who knows what would have happened that day. He saw me go in and noticed when I didn't come out soon enough. When he finally got me back to shore, my board was cracked in two and I was covered in blood. The scar the reef left on my leg is pretty gnarly, but that doesn't stop me from showing it off. I'm proud of myself for being brave enough to at least _try_. And I would totally do it again.

"I've missed you guys, too," I say as he puts me on the floor and wraps his hands around my face. I don't know what it is that Kainoa shares with old ladies (you know the ones) but he definitely has a thing for cheeks. "They gave _Pipe Masters_ to some rookie and it's been so crazy the past few years… "

Back when I first started covering competitions, I was here on Oahu every year, sometimes two or three times. As I became more experienced and earned my place as a journalist, I began covering ASP comps and, instead of Hawaii, ended up visiting places like Australia, Portugal and France.

Sadly, earning a name for myself also meant I saw less and less of the friends I'd had for years.

"We understand, Sistah," Ahe, emerging from the office, interrupts in her soft, melodic voice. Kai lets me go so I can dash over and wrap my arms around her. "Just means we haven't had to drag any white girls outta da water lately."

I laugh as she separates herself and moves to Kai's side. I love her subtle accent and the way she can't resist teasing me for my one stupid mistake from all those years ago.

"Very funny," I say with a scowl. "How are you guys? I want to hear everything!"

They exchange a very secretive look before returning their eyes to mine. "We have some big news, _Tita_," Kai tells me proudly as an infectious grin pulls at his cheeks.

Ahe's smile is full and bright; she rubs her abdomen softly. She doesn't even need to say the words.

My eyes widen. "Really?" I squeak.

Ahe nods and I leap forward to wrap my arms around her again, only softer this time. I know they've been trying for a while, and I'm so, so excited for them. Though we haven't been able to visit, we keep in touch through e-mail and I've been there for her through a lot of rough times in their baby-making journey.

"Finally, a baby I can spoil!"

On the outside, I'm animated, jubilant even – because truly, I am – on the inside, though, I'm frozen, unable to combat the pang of regret that beats inside my chest. The fact that I walked away from what could have been my only chance at what they share still haunts me in ways I can't put into words. But I can't think about that now; I can't think about that ever. Like always, I squish the feelings down, locking them tight in a corner of my mind that I don't open very often.

I breathe a sigh of relief for the distraction of an actual customer when the shells above the door do their thing behind us, hoping the moment to compose myself will draw the tension from my body. Stubbornly, I force my cheeks higher and turn. I'm used to this: feigning fake smiles and happiness that isn't really there is something I excel at.

I'm a pro at wearing this mask.

My smile slips as I stare slack jawed at the boy who's just walked in. My heart takes off inside my chest, pounding like it hasn't in a long, _long_time. The panic I feel is expected… the hurt, though, knocks me back a step, all one-two uppercut.

Dirty blond hair, big green eyes and those lips.

…They're _his _lips.

Though he's twice the size I remember, his hair has that same goofy flop, that same crazy twist in the middle that leaves it laying this way and that. He's not a little kid anymore. He's a young man. A young man who looks so much like his father it makes my knees weak.

A memory flashes; one of him _then_… eyes red and cheeks stained with tears. My own eyes burn at the thought of how much I've missed. How many years have gone by.

I'm frozen, unsure what to do. I'm _not_ ready for this... but I know it's too late to hide. _  
><em>  
>I reach up and grip my necklace, running the worn charm between the pads of my fingers as I stare at him. At first I think he might not remember me anymore, but then he's staring at me, too. Like he's just seen a ghost.<p>

Perhaps that's all I am to him now.

Perhaps it's all I ever should have been.

The door opens again, and I close my eyes. As if not seeing his face will make the man I know has just followed his son inside my quiet little hideaway suddenly disappear. As if I can just float away and pretend that this isn't happening to me.

But when I hear it, I know that it _is _happening… and there's nothing I can do to stop it.

"Bella?"

My name from his lips is all it takes to send me back to where we met, where it happened…

Where my life changed.

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><p><strong>I've been working on this story for months and I'm so happy it's finally (almost) complete so that I can share it with all of you. I have quite a few ladies to thank for their help and motivation and love: <strong>_**anniej13**_**, **_**bellamarie117**_**, **_**Kassiah**_**, **_**ltlerthqak**_**, **_**LolaShoes, nicnicd**_** and **_**tby789**_**, you all mean the world to me and I couldn't have done this without you. Special thanks on this chapter goes out to **_**moijojojo**_** for giving me the scoop on all things Hawaiian.**

_In case you're wondering, this story is completely written, and I have several chapters edited, so updates will happen at __**least**__ once a day if not more._

**Some vocab for those who're curious:  
><strong>_  
><em>_**Banzai**_ – Also known as Ehukai Beach Park; located on the North Short of Oahu. The name Banzai comes from surf cinematographer Bruce Brown, who shouted it out while filming _Surf Safari _in the 1950's when a surfer dropped into a particularly gnarly wave. _  
><em>_**Pipe**_ – Surf slang for the hollow portion of a large wave. _  
><em>_**Pipe **__**Masters**_ – A surf competition held by Billabong as part of the Triple Crown of surfing which is a Hawaiian specialty series of professional surfing events._  
><em>_**tita **_– A Hawaiian term of endearment for a woman who is strong and independent._  
><em>_**Kama'a 'ole**_ – Translates in Hawaiian to barefoot._  
><em>_**ASP **_– Association of Surfing Professionals.

**Thank you so much for reading! Reviews are love. And I kinda love getting love, js.**

_Until next time!_

**xx**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I own everything but their names. **

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><p><em><strong>June 16, 2001 – Santa Cruz, California<strong>_

I'm not sure where in our trip I passed out, but Charlie's hand on my shoulder brought me back to reality. I groaned and cracked one eye open, fully prepared to glare at him for waking me up.

"What?" I mumbled sleepily.

"Bella, wake up kid, we're here."

I reached up to rub the last remnants of sleep from my eyes and squinted into the bright sunshine.

"We're here. Look." He nodded toward the windshield and his mustache twitched above a smile.

The warmth of the sky washed over me, a bright blue hue I wasn't used to. Days like this one were few and far between where we'd come from. And it was _crowded_. Houses stacked on top of restaurants on top of hotels. People everywhere.

The smell of air without the permanent hint of oncoming rain was a shock to my senses. It seemed unreal that we'd gone from tiny little Forks, with all its trees and gloom, to sun and sand in just a matter of days.

We'd been driving for so long. By hour six, I'd convinced myself we'd never make it. By hour ten, Charlie had finally told me that if I didn't go to sleep, he was going to _put _me to sleep. Apparently I got crabby when I was frustrated and antsy.

In my defense, though, I couldn't wait to put Forks behind us and get started with our new life.

Over the past two months, everything we owned had been sold, packed or trashed after Charlie's company went through a 'restructuring' and they offered him a promotion he couldn't refuse.

The only catch? It wasn't in Forks. Hell, it wasn't even in Washington for that matter.

No, they'd insisted his security expertise would be better suited somewhere south. Like California.

He'd been so nervous the afternoon they made the offer. He was usually a pretty calm and easygoing guy, but the way his leg shook at dinner that night made even _me_ nervous. When he finally came out and told me what was bothering him, all I could do was grin and tell him yes; of course, abso-freaking-lutely I was okay with moving.

What Charlie didn't understand at that moment was that my goal had _always _been to get out of Washington. Friends, acquaintances and family be damned; I wanted to see the world.

I'd been compiling a list of places since as far back as I could remember: beaches from movies, mountains from magazines – anywhere, really. I'd worked my butt off in high school, foregoing the chance to live it up and be a kid in favor of focusing on classes. I wanted to get into as many colleges as possible so I had options. And you can bet every school I applied to corresponded with a place on my list.

My hard work had paid off, too. I'd been accepted at nine of the twelve schools I'd applied to.

Days after Charlie and I had agreed, together, that the move would happen, Northern California got scratched off my list. And I was officially enrolled at UC Santa Cruz.

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><p><strong>You guys freakin' blow me away with your kindness and support every single time I do this. I seriously can't say thank you enough. I want to squish all of you into this big ball of warm fuzzy I'm living in right now.<strong>

_Short update this morning, so I'll probably give you another one tonight. I think you're gonna like the next one. Also, a few people were curious about Bella's age and to answer the question, she's twenty seven in present time.  
><em>

**Reviews are love, and I kinda love love, js.**

_Until next time!_

**xx**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I own everything but their names. **

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><p><em><strong>June 18, 2001 – Santa Cruz, California<strong>_

A few days after we'd arrived, I told Charlie I planned on getting a job. Even though he never asked for much, and insisted he was okay with me taking the summer off before starting college, I liked working. I'd been a cashier at the IGA back in Forks since sophomore year, and I liked knowing I didn't need to depend on Charlie for everything.

The problem was, now that we had moved to this big, unfamiliar city, the possibilities seemed _endless_. I had no idea what I wanted to do.

Our new house was pretty central to town, within walking distance to a lot of the local tourist spots. The Boardwalk, the wharf, Beach Street. I was sure I'd be able to find something. In total awe of everything, I cruised block after block feeling out of place. Like I'd been dropped into a world full of tan, beautiful people only to be stared at, every boutique and store I approached seemed almost daunting in its cleanliness and 'I'm-too-good-for-you-ness'.

Until I found _CC Surf and Skate_.

I'm still not sure what drew me in, but once I saw the place, I couldn't seem to turn away.

Situated right across the street from the Boardwalk was this little shop painted a bright funky green. Its windows were colored with sticker after sticker, sporting names like _Billabong, Rusty _and something called _Sex Wax_. Which I'll admit made me a little nervous. I actually had to step back and re-read the sign above the door again.

It would have been just my luck to walk into a sex shop looking for a job.

Timidly, I poked my head inside, and then breathed a sigh of relief as I looked around. Surfboards (not sex toys) in every color of the rainbow decorated the walls. A bunch of young guys were huddled on a worn leather couch near the back, their eyes glued to something on a television opposite them. Two older women stood at a rack in the middle of the store throwing hangers around and chatting. Glass counters lined the walls up front, filled with sunglasses, jewelry and skateboards.

One of the kids in the back stood up, shushing the other boys before he came in my direction. "Yo, can I help you?" he asked.

I cleared my throat and twisted my fingers together. "I'm, uh, are you hiring?"

He looked me up and down, tilting his head to the side like he was puzzled. "I'm not sure, hold up." He jumped back a few steps and stuck his head inside a doorway. "Yo, E! We hirin'? There's some chick out here—"

"Paul!" a voice yelled back. "How many times do I have to tell you not to yell through the shop?"

Startled by the commotion, I took a step back toward the door, and then froze. The boards, the clothing, the teeny, tiny bikinis to my side all disappeared as the second man appeared.

Just one glimpse at him and my stomach clenched with a kind of nervous anticipation I didn't know existed outside of books.

He paused briefly, smacking the one called Paul on the back of the head, and then he walked behind the glass display case nearest me and leaned forward on his elbows. My eyes followed his every move.

_I wonder how old he is?  
><em>  
>Up close, everything about him screamed comfort. Here was this tall, tanned guy, maybe a year or two older than me and sexy as hell, dressed in a threadbare t-shirt that hugged his shoulders perfectly, and a pair of board shorts that hung low around his waist. Hair highlighted gold by the sun dipped over his forehead and hung in his eyes. A black leather cord hugged the skin around his neck… and I was instantaneously jealous of that tiny decoration.<p>

I wanted to be the one hugging that neck.

"Hello," he said, drawing my eyes to his face. Strong jaw, full lips and bright, luminescent green eyes. "I apologize for that one," he said, jerking his thumb over his shoulder. The guy named Paul flipped the bird behind new guy's back. "I'm Edward, can I help you with something?"

When he wasn't yelling, his voice sounded much smoother, like the sweet soft tempo at the beginning of an acoustic song.

I kind of wanted to melt into a puddle of groupie-girl and ask him to sign my arm.

_Get it together, Bella._

"Sorry. Yes. Hi… I was looking for a job and wondering if you're hiring? My… Charlie and I… we're new in town, and he's insisting that I get a job and I've been everywhere today and I can't find anything and this place looked interesting and you're _not_ a sex shop—"

He bit his lip and one side of his face lifted as I rambled. "Whoa there, take a breath. What's your name?"

Embarrassed, I huffed out a breath and closed my eyes. "Isabella. I mean Bella. Everyone calls me Bella."

"Well Bella," he said, and I opened my eyes. "I _am _looking for someone for the summer. Do you surf?" I shook my head and he frowned. "Skate?"

_Crap_. Maybe I would have had better luck with the sex shop.

I had no choice but to give him an honest answer. "Yeah, no. I've kinda been known to trip on flat surfaces."

His eyes narrowed slightly and he clucked his tongue. "Why would you come into a place like this looking for a job if you've never done either of those things?"

Scratch that. Embarrassed didn't begin to cover how I felt – I was _mortified_. Of _course _someone who worked in a place like that should have some knowledge about the shit they'd be dealing with.

My cheeks filled with warmth as I stepped back and tugged at my ponytail. The door behind me opened, and I started making plans to escape when the new customer entered. I couldn't believe I'd just inconvenienced him.

Before I could apologize and disappear, Edward's attention shifted and his face lit up with this smile that made my insides feel like jelly, because I really, _really _wanted him to smile at _me _like that.

He rounded the corner of the counter, squatting down just in time to meet the exuberant greeting of a little boy who slammed right into his chest. Edward fell black, groaning playfully. "You got me, Little Man!"

The little boy giggled. "I beat yous up, Dada!"

My eyes widened because I hadn't expected those words to come out. Suddenly I cursed my silly reaction to this guy – who probably wasn't as young as I'd initially thought, and more than likely had the _mother_ of his _child _in the picture. And he very well could have been my boss or something, if the way everyone deferred to him played any role. I tried to hide my dismay.

"Well… what do we have here?" Forgetting my embarrassment, I looked over my shoulder and took in the guy who had appeared at my side. Scraggly blond hair, same tan skin as I'd been seeing all day and bright blue eyes greeted me. "How _you _doin'?" he asked, full on Joey Tribiani-esque.

I let out a tiny snort and narrowed my eyes. "Really?"

He tried to look innocent and failed. From his spot on the floor, Edward snorted a laugh. "Dude, you have no game."

"Shut it," the blond muttered.

"L, I think you need to show Uncle J how to treat a lady."

The little boy giggled and turned away from Edward to run in my direction. A smile pulled at my cheeks as I took him in. He couldn't have been more than three years old; dirty blond hair tumbled down shoulders that surrounded a little face and eyes that looked just like the father's.

He crooked a chubby little finger at me and I lowered to my knees. I took his cue when he held out his hand and offered him mine in return. He wrapped his little palm around mine and leaned forward to press a kiss against my knuckles. I gasped, only to giggle when he finished the gesture off with an exaggerated smack of his lips.

Clearly proud of himself, he pulled away and grinned up at me like a little Cheshire cat. I knew right then the kid was destined to be a heartbreaker.

"If this were a contest, you'd totally win," I told him.

With a pump of his little fist, he turned and stuck his tongue out at the blond. Then he threw his arms around my shoulders and hugged me with everything he had.

When we separated, his little green eyes were curious. "Wha's your name?" he asked.

I couldn't help but smile, enjoying the ease of talking to him rather than the pressure of facing his dad once again. "My name's Bella. What's your name, cutie pie?"

"Lisle! I'm three!"

"It's very nice to meet you, Lisle." I winked at him. He blushed a bright crimson and turned away, running back to Edward and burying his face against his father's leg. I smiled at how adorable he was, warmed by the abrupt shift between embarrassment and enjoyment two minutes with these people had brought.

"Good job, L," Edward boasted, reaching down to run his fingers through the little boy's hair.

"I can't believe you just had your three year old show me up," the blond interjected.

"What did you expect, idiot?" Edward asked on a laugh.

They continued teasing each other and I saw the moment as my chance to escape before I caused more of a stir. Edward's voice stopped me before I could reach the door.

"Bella?" My stomach flipped as I turned to him. "You start tomorrow. On one condition."

My heart stuttered in my chest. "Condition?"

"Okay, two," he corrected. "First, you never go out with my brother. Second… you learn to surf."

I grimaced and bit my lip. The blond scowled but raised his eyebrows at the challenge Edward had offered.

And since I'd never been one to back down, I did the only thing I could: I agreed.

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><p><strong>Thank you all so much for reading!<strong>

_So, are things starting to make a little more sense now? How do you think she'll do with Hottie McBoss teaching her to surf? I'm also very curious to hear what you think of the little Casanova. ;)_

**Reviews are love. And I really really like getting love.**

_Until tomorrow!_

**xx**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I own everything but their names.**

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><p><em><strong>June 19, 2001 – Santa Cruz, California<strong>_

Charlie was so thrilled to hear about my productive day that he offered to take me out to dinner – a perk in that I wouldn't have to throw together some kind of meal. All through dinner I listened to his praise and certainty that I'd do fantastic, but inside I was panicking. Especially when it dawned on me that I'd never bothered to ask Edward what time to actually _be _at work.

The next morning I dressed early and decided to check the internet, hoping the hours for the shop would be listed somewhere. There was no way I was going to mess up on my first day. At ten on the dot, I was waiting outside when Edward rolled up in a Jeep open on all sides with no top in sight… and a surfboard sticking out of the back.

I guessed he took his work seriously, then.

Sporting an outfit very similar to the one he'd had on the day before, he hopped out of his ride without even seeming to take notice of me. His hair was still wet, plastered to his forehead like he'd just stepped out of the shower.

My heart pounded out a steady beat as he came closer. I had no idea my body could react the way it did just by _looking _at someone.

Something told me there were a lot of things Edward could make my body do without even trying.

_Stop it, Bella.  
><em>  
>Reaction or not, the guy – man, my freaking <em>boss<em>… he had a kid, and more than likely, a wife. A family. I wasn't even on his radar. I told myself he shouldn't be on mine, either.

Instead I shoved my hands deeper into the pockets of my hoodie, anxious when Edward stopped and looked at me for a second. His gaze shifted to his wrist, looking at a watch that didn't exist.

"Are you trying to butter up to the boss already?" he asked, his voice all morning-soft and gritty.

I sputtered in response, and there may have been some flailing. When he laughed quietly and shook his head, I couldn't help laughing too.

Edward moved past me toward the door, leaving the scent of sun and sand in his wake. Amending my earlier assumption of fresh-from-the-shower to fresh-from-the-sea, I closed my eyes and inhaled. He even _smelled_ good.

"Come in, I'll show you around before customers start showing up."

He gestured toward the door and waited for me to walk ahead before following me inside. He flipped the closed sign over and walked toward the back. The shop was dark and quiet and I hoped he couldn't hear how hard my heart was beating in response to his nearness.

"We have this area set up for kids to come in and just chill or whatever. It keeps some of the locals out of trouble. Surf boards." He pointed to them and then nodded to the doorway I'd seen him come out of the day before. "Back there's my office and the warehouse where we keep extra stock. If you need anything, just ask."

I nodded and tightened my ponytail. "Okay."

Edward buried his fingers in his hair and led me to the glass display cases. "We've got jewelry and sunglasses over here. I think until you get more familiar with how everything works, you'll probably be more comfortable working on this side. Jasper usually takes care of the skate stuff, and Paul—" he stopped and a look of confusion passed over his face. "I'm not exactly sure what Paul does."

I laughed as I peered down inside the case, if for nothing else to avoid staring at him. I knew I should have probably asked questions, or said… _something_, but I had no idea what ridiculousness was bound to come out of my mouth if I'd opened it, so I played it safe by zipping it.

An awkward silence filled the space between us for the next several seconds. When the door to the shop opened and the blond I remembered walked in, the heavy weight of awkwardness disappeared. We had a buffer. I rolled my shoulders and smiled at him.

Edward cleared his throat. "You've already met my brother," he snickered. "Jasper, this is Bella. Bella, this is Joey—I mean Jasper."

"Dude, you're never going to let it go, are you?" Jasper asked.

"Nope."

Jasper discreetly flipped Edward the bird and I covered my mouth to hide a laugh. Apparently that was the standard way of dealing with coworkers around this place.

"Good morning, _Bella_," Jasper purred my name and I rolled my eyes. I could tell we were going to be good friends.

"Morning," I replied.

"Is Grumpsalot giving you a hard time yet?" He jerked his thumb in Edward's direction.

I looked over at Edward nervously. I wasn't comfortable enough with them yet to say anything but the truth. "No."

"You just let me know if he does. I'll handle him for ya." He flexed a little and pumped his fists in Edward's direction.

"Bro, you're an idiot. Bella, I've got some things to do in my office. If you have any problems, Jasper's here to help you."

And then it was just me and Jasper. He talked almost nonstop while making his way around the store with a clipboard. I just kind of stood there awkwardly, looking at everything and feeling unproductive. I itched for something to do.

Until the morning rush began, anyway. What started as a slow trickle of customers turned into a room full of regulars, loud and joking and totally "in" on the atmosphere I wasn't. I'd barely had time to catch my breath as the last morning customer flip-flopped their way out of the shop before the afternoon rush began.

Save for a "break" when Edward pulled me into his office to fill out some paperwork, Jasper was really the one who taught me the ropes of surf-shop culture. I tried not to be disappointed that almost the entirety of my first day had been spent getting to know the wrong brother.

By the time we'd closed the doors that night I was exhausted, and all-together glad that closing wasn't too much of a hassle.

Fifteen minutes later, Jasper locked up the door behind us and turned to me. "What do you think so far?"

I covered a yawn and offered him a sleepy smile. "It's fun. You guys get some very… interesting people in here."

The sun had dipped into the horizon, leaving the night cool and breezy. Jasper reached up and pulled his hood over his head. "Oh yeah, we get the best of them."

"Kinda like people watching at the airport."

He smiled like he knew exactly what I meant.

"You got a ride home?"

I shook my head. "I walked…"

"Who's picking you up?"

"Nobody," I said.

"You're not in… wherever it is you came from anymore, sweetie. You can't just walk home alone at night. Where do you live?"

"Over on Kaye." I shrugged. "It's not that far. I'll be okay."

"You're crazy if you think I'm letting you leave here alone. Let's go."

"You really don't have to walk with me," I argued.

He gave me a look that clearly said he didn't care how much I complained, he was coming whether I liked it or not. I sighed and nodded my agreement before turning to lead him in the direction of our house. For about half a block, he walked quietly at my side.

My mind worked in circles, searching for a way to casually inquire about Edward's relationship status... or, well, anything about him, really, but I didn't want to appear obvious. Not with his brother.

Lucky for me, he broke our silence first. "So, where _is _it that you're from?"

I laughed softly, surprised it'd taken him so long to ask. "Washington State."

"What brings you to Cali?"

"My dad's company made some changes."

"That sucks."

I kicked a pebble and watched it roll into the street. "Nah, I wanted to come. High school's over. Time for something new. I was headed somewhere soon anyway."

"You just graduate?"

"Yep." I nodded, smiling at the easy way Jasper made me feel after only one day.

"Me too. College in the fall?"

"Yep. UCSC."

"Sweet."

"You too?"

He shook his head. "No college for me right now. I'm taking some time off to help E at the store."

"You don't sound very thrilled about that."

"It's still a pretty new development," he responded softly. "My… _our _dad, well, the shop was his thing. His and Edward's. I never wanted anything to do with it until I kinda had no other choice. But," he hesitated and stopped walking. I turned and looked at him. "It was his legacy, you know? I couldn't let E close the doors, not after…"

He didn't need to say any more, I understood immediately what he meant. "I'm really sorry."

"Thanks," he responded, picking up his pace again. "It's been tough, but we're making it. Mostly."

"Mostly?"

"Like I said, it's been tough." His voice had an edge to it that made me even sadder for him. I hated knowing that what seemed like two pretty good guys had been through what sounded like a really rough year.

In an effort to change the subject, I said, "I'm really glad your brother decided to give me a chance."

Jasper smirked. "You're pretty lucky he did."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean… since his divorce, he hasn't really liked anyone or anything. Except for Lisle. And me – but only on occasion. Clearly you made an impression."

We rounded the corner of my street and approached our new house. I bit my lip to hide a smile – I had my answer... well, one of them, at least.

There was still the question of Edward's age and a big 'ole ethical dilemma left. I did know one thing, though: I wasn't sure what had caused Edward to take a chance on me, but I was really glad he had.

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><p><strong>So, he's divorced. Good news? Maybe? Just how old is this dude, though? ;)<strong>

_You guys. YOU GUYS. Not only am I still blown away by how awesome each and every one of you are, but Rob was on TV with Betty White last night and I'm now shipping them. Don't flounce me.  
><em>

**Thank you for reading! Reviews are love, and who doesn't like getting love?**

_Until tomorrow!_

**xx**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I own everything but their names.**

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><p><em><strong>June 22, 2001 – Santa Cruz, California<strong>_

"Excuse me, just one second. I have to go ask my boss…" I hurried over and grabbed Jasper's arm. "This guy is asking for new trucks. Since when do we sell _cars_?"

He looked at me like I was nuts. "You're kidding me, right?"

"Do I _look _like I'm kidding?"

"Girls," he muttered. "Follow me, please."

I followed Jasper to where my customer stood, and looked on as he expertly assisted in helping the guy pick out his new set of… trucks. As it turned out, they had absolutely nothing to do with a vehicle, and everything to do with the pieces that went together so a skateboard could…well, skate.

Ugh. It'd only been a few days and already I was feeling overwhelmed, to say the least. Who knew there were so many things to _learn_?

Not me, that's for sure.

It seemed like every day I was getting smacked with something else I didn't know yet. And not knowing everything going in? It drove me a little bit mad. I'd always been the girl people came to for help, not the other way around. I didn't like feeling like the dumb one. Plus, swallowing my pride sucked, and every time I had to pull either Paul or Jasper away from what they were doing to help me, I felt just a little bit smaller.

"Wow, I feel like a complete jackass," I admitted.

Jasper smirked. "You totally should."

Luckily, Jasper was always willing to help. But that didn't mean he refrained from making fun of me about it relentlessly. I understood it, though. The boys were putting me through my paces. Letting me learn things the hard way, just like they all had.

I don't think I would have had it any other way.

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><p><strong>Super short chapter this time, sorry guys. But you know what that means, right? You'll probably get another one tonight. ;)<strong>

_Thank you for reading!_

**Reviews are love; and I totally love it when you leave me love, js.**

_Until tonight!_

**xx**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I own everything but their names.**

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><p><em><strong>June 29, 2001 – Santa Cruz, California<strong>_

I learned a lot from Jasper in that first week. With his flirty, playful and often hilarious attitude, it only took a short time before I began feeling more comfortable; not only with what I was doing, but around all that testosterone as well.

Edward, though, continued to be a conundrum. He was always the first one I saw in the morning, but he typically stayed hidden throughout the day.

Though I knew I shouldn't, I looked forward to those precious few minutes I got with him each morning. I wasn't about to leap at him, granted, but I didn't see anything wrong with a harmless crush. Girls my age had them every day, sometimes more than one at a time. So, I fully gave in to the fantasy. My stomach had a habit of jumping into somersaults as soon as I heard his Jeep approaching. He would show up all sleepy eyed with wet hair and smelling like the ocean, and I locked each one of those details away to be dissected later.

I rarely got more than the gentlest of smiles before he unlocked the door, but I didn't care because it was something. Every day I wondered if maybe _that _day would be different; that he'd actually, you know, talk to me. And some days, he did. It never felt like enough though—he always left me wanting more.

The few times I did get more were when Lisle came around. On Friday afternoons Edward would disappear and, when he resurfaced, Lisle was always wrapped around him like a little spider monkey.

He would suddenly become more animated, more talkative. Happier. Like a switch had been flipped.

That second Friday, as soon as Lisle noticed me, his eyes lit up and he wiggled to be set free from Edward's hold. Once on his feet, he bounded around the counter and threw himself up and into my arms like we'd known each other forever. I was shocked, even more so that he'd even remembered me. I hadn't realized kids his age were so smart.

Don't judge me; I'd never really been around one before.

"What you doing here?" he asked. "You come to see me?"

I grinned and tickled his sides, deciding to indulge him a little. "I sure did."

His face lit up like I'd given him the best news ever.

"Daddy, Bella came to see _me_!" Lisle yelled.

Unsure how he'd handle me interacting with his son, I shifted my gaze to Edward. Some people were weird about their kids, and I was still a virtual stranger to them both.

His face betrayed absolutely nothing except a smile.

"She sure did, buddy," he said. "Why don't you come over here and play with me?"

"Nu uh," Lisle argued, snuggling closer to me. Edward looked on, reaching up to run his fingers through his hair. I smiled at him and turned my attention to the action figure Lisle was telling me _all _about. Satisfied that his child was in relatively safe hands, Edward moved to the back of the shop to unload some of Lisle's toys.

After a few minutes, Lisle rested his head on my shoulder and buried his thumb in his mouth. And I had no idea what to do. When I looked over to Edward for help, he was watching us quietly with _that _look on his face. The one that intrigued me and made me uncomfortable at the same time.

When I looked back down at Lisle, he stirred and snuggled in even closer. Edward walked in our direction and apologized quietly as he attempted to pry the little boy from me, but he refused to let go.

Lisle grumpily shook his head and squeezed tighter. He pulled his thumb from his mouth and scowled up at Edward. "She more comfy den you, Daddy."

Edward's eyes widened and then he smiled a little, gasping as he clutched his chest playfully. "Nobody's comfier than me, dude."

"Yes huh, her is." Lisle reached up and wrapped his fingers around a lock of hair that'd escaped from my ponytail.

Edward bit his lip and just stared like he didn't know what to do. Slowly he dipped his head toward my shoulder, trying to catch Lisle's eyes.

"L, you're hurting my feelings," he pouted.

Completely unfazed, Lisle reached out and patted Edward's cheek. "No worry Dada, I still love you mostest."

I had to bite my lip to hold in my laughter.

"It's okay," I whispered.

"I remember when I was the coolest thing in his world," Edward whispered back.

"I bet you still are."

Edward smiled at me then. The best one he'd ever given me up to that point. It made my heart pound in an entirely different way than it ever had before.

His voice was so soft when he spoke again that it made goosebumps rise on my arms. "Thank you, Bella."

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><p><strong>More Edward <em>and <em>more Lisle. That's good, right? Also, several of you were curious about his name. It's Lisle, short for Carlisle. He's named after Edward and Jasper's father. So is the surf shop. CC stands for Carlisle Cullen.**

_Thank you for reading!_

**Reviews are love, and I'm sure you know this by now: but I love it when you leave one.**

_Until tomorrow!_

**xx**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I own everything but their names.**

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><p><em><strong>July 1, 2001 – Santa Cruz, California<strong>_

I wasn't sure what it was, but something between Edward and me changed the day Lisle had fallen asleep in my arms.

Sure it was only a couple of days, but I know I hadn't imagined it. He was friendlier; more talkative. Less difficult to read.

Not gonna lie though, he still scared the hell out of me. He was this hot, older guy who made my heart flutter and my insides feel like they were doing cartwheels. Sometimes, the way he looked at me made me sure he could read the schoolgirl crush I was harboring like words written in the pages of a book.

Which made me dread what I knew was coming: my surf lessons.

It'd been two weeks since I'd started working at the shop, and though he hadn't brought it up again, I knew he hadn't forgotten.

Any time he spoke to me outside of his usual morning 'hello' and 'how are you,' my heart pounded even harder than usual around him—one, because he was simply hot, and two, because I just knew the other shoe was about to drop.

Slow moments in the shop were rare, but on the afternoon of said drop, we were dead. The screams from the kids and families enjoying a summer on the Boardwalk filtered over from across the street, louder than usual because of the upcoming holiday. Everyone was too busy to shop.

Jasper had taken off to grab some lunch for all of us, and Paul… who knew where Paul had disappeared to. Edward really wasn't kidding that first day – what Paul actually did at work was still a mystery to me. It was just Edward and I. As usual though, he was holed up in his office. When I heard his door open, I turned away and busied myself with folding some shirts that had just come in.

"Hey, Bel?" Edward called out.

My stomach danced and I took a deep breath, finishing the shirt in my hands before I turned around. My smile quickly returned as I got a good look at him, though. His hair looked like he'd been running his fingers through it for hours. Or he'd stuck his finger in a light socket.

"What's up?" I asked, trying to appear calm and casual.

He came closer, leaning forward on the case in front of me. Just like he had that first day. "You know, you've been here for a few weeks now, I think it's time we discuss you learning to surf."

I closed my eyes and sucked in a deep breath. When I looked back at him, there was the tiniest of grins on his face. He seemed to be enjoying my discomfort.

"You look like you're in physical pain right now," he said, and I could tell he was trying not to laugh. "Trust me, it's not that bad."

I narrowed my eyes. "Says _you_."

"Just meet me on the beach around six tomorrow." He jerked his thumb toward the Boardwalk, and I didn't need to ask which beach he was referring to.

I gulped. "Okay."

All throughout that night, I was a ball of anxious energy. When Jasper returned, he tried repeatedly to reassure me that I'd be fine. He'd said there wasn't much – if any – danger in the first surf lesson, insisting we probably wouldn't even make it into the water. Thankfully he didn't laugh at me when I cajoled him in to playing DVDs of surf lessons for beginners on the shop's television.

I was convinced, however, that I was on my way toward testing the limits of Charlie's medical insurance and making a total fool of myself.

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><p><strong>Here we go. ;)<strong>

_Thank you all so much for reading! You make me so happy.  
><em>

**Reviews are love. But if you don't know that by now… well ;)**

_Until tomorrow._

**xx**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I own everything but their names.**

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><p><em><strong>July 2, 2001 – Santa Cruz, California<strong>_

I barely slept that night.

When six rolled around, I was standing on a deserted beach with clenched fists and a heart I was sure would pound out of my chest. It was too dark and quiet to be normal, and that only added to the nerves dancing in my tummy.

Not even Edward's lithe, muscular body strolling out of the ocean all wet and looking as delicious as I'd ever seen him calmed me down.

Okay, maybe a little.

He threw his surfboard into the sand at my feet and shook the water from his hair. "Morning."

"Morning," I replied shakily.

"Ready?"

"Not even a little bit."

He cracked a tiny smile. "Don't worry, I promise not to be too rough on you."

I coughed at the double meaning in his words and looked out toward the water to hide the heat in my cheeks.

He grabbed his towel from the sand and rubbed it across his head. "Ever play baseball before?"

I turned away from the water and looked at him in question. "What does baseball have to do with anything?"

He tossed the towel down and reached behind him to pull at the zipper on his wetsuit. "Just… have you played or not?"

"Sure," I said, shrugging. "My dad's a baseball nut."

"Okay then, come here."

He grabbed my hand and, using his grip, spun me around until my back was to his front. His hands lingered on my shoulders and his breath was warm in my ear as he asked, "If you were standing in the batter's box right now, getting ready to hit one out of the park, which way would you be facing?"

I sucked in a breath and hoped he couldn't feel me shivering. "I'm right handed," I murmured.

He shook his head slightly. A single drop of cool ocean water dripped from him to my neck, sliding beneath my shirt.

"That's not what I asked. Sometimes you can be right handed and batting left is more comfortable. I'm right handed but I surf goofy, with my right foot in front. Like a lefty."

"I've never tried it any other way, I guess."

He rested his hands lightly on my hips and pushed my body to face the water, with my right foot in front of me. I bounced a little, lifting my arms like I was holding a bat and felt out the position. Edward stayed behind me as I turned in the opposite direction and put my left foot forward.

"Well?" he asked.

I stayed where I was and turned to look at him over my shoulder. "I feel more comfortable this way."

"Okay then." He stepped around me and leaned over to straighten his surfboard in the sand. "Come here and lie down on your stomach for me. Make sure you're in the middle of the board and back far enough that your toes are touching right here." He pointed to the tail end of the board.

As he suggested, I moved to the board and lay down, wiggling until it felt like I was in the position he'd asked for. Before I could look up to gain his approval, his hands were on me again. The tips of his fingers dipped under the hem of my hoodie and my whole body reacted to his cold touch. He squeezed slightly and my head fell forward, resting on the surfboard as I bit my lip to keep from moaning.

"You always want to make sure you're in the center of the board," he said. "You need balance."

Yeah, 'cause balance was totally possible with shaking... everything.

He released me and walked to sit in front of me on his knees. I lifted my head and looked at him.

"When you're in the water, the nose of the board should always be up. If it's not, you're not far enough back."

"Okay," I said, feeling ridiculous. "I think…" _God, I wanted to die._ I felt like the biggest fool on the planet. And of course it had to be in front of _him_.

He smiled softly. "You'll get it."

"I highly doubt that," I replied.

"Learning to surf is easy. Just try to remember it's about calm and balance and just going with the flow. Moving your body the way the wave wants you to go. The minute you fight it, that's when you're gonna fail. Can you do that? Let everything else go and just let it happen?"

I stared up at him, realizing very quickly that I was in serious danger of getting lost in the swirls of green made brighter by the rising sun. His eyes held so much passion, it was hard to tell him no, but I had to be honest.

"I'm not sure."

"I am."

"How—" I started to ask how he could possibly know that, when he interrupted.

"Listen. I've watched you these past few weeks," he said. My mouth went dry and something bloomed inside me just knowing he'd been watching me. "You totally stepped up to the challenge I gave you. Those guys, and some of my customers, aren't easy to deal with. But you haven't backed down once. I know you can do this, and just so you know, I don't give up easily. And I'll continue pushing you until _you _know it, too."

All I could do was stare in response. He'd said everything with such conviction; it just made me like him even more.

Completely unaware of what he'd done to me, Edward flashed me a quick grin and moved to lie down at my side.

"We'll cover more about paddling out later. What you need to know first is how to pop up, and since you've admittedly got… _balance issues_, that's where you're going to have trouble. It'll take some getting used to. Watch me, okay?"

He lifted, and I knew I should have been paying attention, but I couldn't help that my eyes stayed glued to the flexing muscles in his arms as they supported the weight of his body. Faster than I could tear my eyes away from the glorious view he'd pulled his legs beneath him and stood towering above me.

"If you're not fast, you're gonna eat it every time. Now you try."

My stomach fluttered as I asked, "Can you do it again?" hoping he'd think I was being thorough, and not that I hadn't been paying attention.

The second time, I kept my eyes _away _from the muscles.

When Edward finished his demonstration once more, I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I tried to picture exactly what he'd done.

Mimicking him, I pushed up slowly with my arms, holding on to the sides of the board as I went. I dragged my foot beneath me until I could stand and tried my very best to 'pop' up like he had. Only… it didn't go so well the first time.

Or the second. Or the third.

By the fourth try, my frustration was reaching limits of epic proportions. Especially when I heard Edward bark out a laugh at the growl I sent into the air.

"You're kind of a sucky teacher, you know that?" I sassed, giving up and falling to the sand as I tried to catch my breath.

Edward stood above me and held out his hand. "You wound me, woman."

I ignored him, of course. Then I kicked sand at his legs in one of those classically kindergarten type moves.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have laughed. You just looked so—" he cut himself off and lowered his hand.

_What?_ I wanted to scream. _What were you going to say?_

Instead of giving me what I wanted, he sighed. "Let's just call it a day, okay?" he asked softly.

I nodded tightly and stood up. "I _told _you I trip on flat surfaces; what _ever _made you think I could actually do this?"

He bent over, grabbing his surfboard and tucking it beneath his arm. He shrugged. "It's your first day, you can't give up on me already," he insisted. "And I know you won't. You don't have it in you."

He turned and started up the beach. I hurried to follow.

"I don't really have a choice," I said, shrugging as we walked side by side.

Edward stopped, turning to me. He lifted his hand and tucked a piece of hair behind my ear. I melted.

"You always have choices. It's up to you what you do with them."

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><p><strong>I hope this was some of the interaction you've been waiting for between these two. We're just getting' started. ;) And just what <em>was<em> he going to say, huh?  
><strong>

_Thank you all so much for reading and reviewing and tweeting and ILY so much!_

**Reviews are love, and when you love me, I love you in return.**

_Until tomorrow!_

**xx**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I own everything but their names.**

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><p><em><strong>July 3, 2001 – Santa Cruz, California<strong>_

Edward was right, I had choices. I refused to be one of those girls who just gave up when they got frustrated. I was way too hard-headed for that.

So, I met him again the next day. He strolled up and greeted me with that adorably sleepy voice, looking deliciously rumpled and relaxed. He looked so comfortable, I wanted to crawl inside him and take a nap.

Edward tossed the surfboard under his arm into the sand. "No kicking sand today."

"No laughing at me today," I returned.

"Deal," he agreed.

His hands guided me along with his voice that morning. They were everywhere. My hips, my shoulders, my calves. Even that ticklish spot on the back of my left foot. His grip tightened when I wasn't quite where he wanted me, easing slightly when I'd done something right.

It made me want to do everything wrong.

"I think you're ready," Edward said as we gathered our things to head toward the shop.

I tried to ignore the butterflies doing somersaults in my stomach. "Really?"

He nodded. "Yes, but I've got Lisle for the next couple days, so I don't know if I'll be able to squeeze in any practice. With the holiday tomorrow, the city's going to be a little crazy with tourists."

I was disappointed, but tried not to show it. "That's cool, I get it."

And I did. I knew what Jasper had said was true: nothing in Edward's life was more important than Lisle… especially not some chick who wasn't supposed to be anything besides his _employee_.

Honestly, if he wasn't so cool to hang out with I might have felt stupid about my crush. He was nice to me, sure, maybe even a little hands-on, but I imagined most people trying to teach a klutz to surf had to be. As it was, mooning over his touches in my head suited me just fine.

However, our break didn't stop him from preparing me later that afternoon for what would be our next 'lesson.'

He'd thrust a wetsuit into my hands and pushed me into our only dressing room before I could even get a word of protest out.

"You'll need it, trust me," was all he said as he pulled the door shut behind me.

I crossed my arms over my chest and scowled at the stupid suit. "Is the water _really _that cold?"

"Yes," he said, exasperated. "Now try it on."

Huffing, I stripped, wiggling, pulling and grunting as dramatically as I could as I tried to force the thick wetsuit up and over my body. I'd always imagined the ocean to be warm, like a bath – but apparently the Pacific Ocean hadn't gotten the memo from my brain. Edward insisted it was a necessity. The water would be cold and uncomfortable, especially during the time of day when he preferred to surf.

"Does it fit?" Edward called out.

I stared at myself, a little bit shocked and wholly unable to answer him. It fit. Like a freaking glove. A really, tight, revealing glove that sucked and tucked and squished. My boobs were smaller, my butt a little less bubbly, but I still had my curves.

Thank god I didn't look like a twelve year old boy with long hair.

"Umm, Bella?" Edward prompted, tapping his knuckles against the dressing room door.

I sighed and answered him in a quiet voice, "Yeah, it fits."

"Are you gonna let me see?" Edward asked.

"Me too!" Jasper interrupted.

The unmistakable sound of them arguing came through the door and I rolled my eyes. I knew when I opened the door it was likely Jasper would be in a headlock.

Sucking in a deep breath, I opened the door. I knew they'd never let me get away with hiding. When I stepped out, they stopped – mid wrestle – and just… stared at me. I felt like I was blushing from the top of my ears to the tips of every single toe. Their staring just made me feel more self-conscious about the way I looked.

"Oh my god, if you don't stop looking at me right now, I'm going to punch you both in the face," I huffed.

Edward laughed, pushing Jasper away roughly and crossing his arms over his chest. His eyes stayed on mine, trailing head-to-toe, once… and then again.

For a brief second I imagined that he wasn't looking at me with a practical eye, assessing the way the suit should fit for the water, and instead because he liked what he saw.

Not gonna lie, it was a freaking awesome daydream.

Jasper was incorrigible. He'd stumbled back, whistling, and then he bit his fist playfully. "Damn girl, you were born to wear that."

I tore my eyes away from Edward and rolled them at Jasper. "Stop it," I said, stepping back and slamming the door on them both.

"I'm serious," Jasper called. "If it weren't for my extreme sense of professionalism, I'd be dragging you into my brothers' office right about now…"

His face appeared over the top of the door and he leered at me with a teasing grin on his face. I glared at him in return, though I couldn't keep from laughing. It was nice hearing I looked good from someone, even if it wasn't the someone I hoped for.

"Stop that before you get us sued for sexual harassment," Edward scolded, yanking Jasper away.

I was still staring at the door when fingers I'd know anywhere wrapped around the top and Edward's face appeared. I stared at him apprehensively.

"It looks great," he whispered.

And then he winked.

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><p><strong>He did what now? ;)<strong>

_Seriously, all of you… you're making me feel all the things. I can't tell you how happy your response makes me. Thank you so much!_

**Reviews are love, and I'm a sucker for them.**

_Until tomorrow!_

**xx**


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: I own everything but their names.**

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><p><em><strong>July 4, 2001 – Santa Cruz, California<strong>_

My eyes roamed the crowded beach as I searched for an empty piece of real estate. I wanted something decent – and quiet – but I knew it was next to impossible. After several minutes, I finally spotted a good slot and hurried in that direction, immediately throwing my towel down to claim it; fully ready to bare my teeth and growl at anyone who tried to steal it.

Satisfied that I wouldn't have to sand-wrestle anyone, I pulled off my tank top and shorts, loving the feel of the sun beaming down on my next-to-naked skin. It wasn't my first time at the beach this summer, but it was my first time in a bikini. I'd spent part of the morning buffing, shaving and primping to make sure I would look good.

Hell, I'd do anything to detract from the super ghostlike pallor of my still-Forks-hued skin.

I sat heavily and then stared out at the water, smiling a little at the surfers perched out at the break, and waiting for the next great wave. It distracted me from the annoyance I'd been feeling all day over the fact that Charlie had ditched me on our first holiday in Santa Cruz.

"Go have fun with your friends, kid. I'll be stuck in the office all day."

Easy for him to say.

Little did he know that the only friends I'd made since we got here were my boss and his brother. There was no way I would have called either of them to 'hang out.'

…Even if being with Edward would have probably made me happier than just about anything.

Funny that in Forks I'd never minded being alone, but, then again, Edward made me want things I'd never really wanted before.

With a sigh, I grabbed my bottle of sunscreen, prepared to slather my pale arms, legs and chest. I had to stop thinking that way. The chance that Edward and I would ever be anything more than what we were just wasn't going to happen. The longer I allowed this little thing inside me to grow and flourish, the more it was going to hurt in the long run.

I don't know when or exactly why, but my little crush had started to feel…well, crush_ing_.

I lay back in the sand, closing my eyes and absorbing the sounds of children playing, families celebrating and waves crashing. I liked the feel of the squishy sand under me and the warm sun beating down. I knew no matter what happened in my future, I'd always have a connection to the beach; to the water.

I understood how Edward described it as a love he could never seem to forget.

"Bella!"

I sat up and squinted into the bright sunshine. I was sure I recognized the voice, but I didn't want to get my hopes up. A smile grabbed at my cheeks as Lisle ran through the sand toward me, paunchy little toddler stomach out on full display. He was covered in sand, the tip of his nose freckled and red from so much time in the sun.

When he stopped in front of me, his little chest rose and fell from the effort he'd used pushing his little legs through the sand.

"Little Dude," I said, smiling. "What are you doing here all by yourself?"

He dropped to his knees in front of me and grinned, sucking in a big breath. "I not here 'aself. Dada's right der."

Lisle turned and pointed. My eyes followed, catching on the unmistakable figure of Edward jogging in our direction.

I'm pretty sure I stopped breathing right there. He was all broad shoulders and glistening skin painted a golden-brown by the sun's rays. With each step he took, a tiny stripe of pale skin played peek-a-boo with my eyes as his board shorts shifted and fell on his narrow waist.

He looked so good in those board shorts and thin t-shirts I saw him in every day, but like this? Without a shirt? Damn. That's all I could say: _damn_.

The closer he got, the more my stomach flipped and flopped. I opened my mouth to say… something, though he spoke before I could force my lips into action.

"Lisle!" Edward yelled. "Didn't I tell you to stay where I could see you?"

He reached out and grabbed Lisle's hand, pulling him up. His eyes were frantic and his jaw tense.

"And you don't talk to strangers!"

They only made it a few steps before Lisle tugged sharply on Edward's hand. "She not a stranger, 'das Bella." He pointed at me.

The tears in his voice were clear. I frowned and scrambled to stand up, hating that he'd gotten in trouble because of me. I hastily dusted sand from my legs and butt. Edward stopped, turning to look at me over his shoulder.

I offered a tiny wave when his pretty green eyes met mine. Everything else seemed to evaporate around us in that moment. The ocean stopped moving, the kids on the beach no longer yelled. Hell, I'm pretty sure cars stopped driving. It was all gone…

Except for him.

And, seriously? Damn.

I decided right then that men like him should never be allowed to wear shirts. There should be a law against it. The female population of the world would be a lot less grumpy.

Edward's gaze slid from my face, down to my toes, and I swear I felt every freaking inch of it. Instinctively, I wrapped my arms around my middle to cover the exposed parts of my body, scared of what it was he saw when he looked at me.

I opened my mouth again, fully intending to speak, but Edward beat me to it. He dropped down on one knee in the sand and reached up to wipe at the stray tears on Lisle's cheeks. "I'm sorry, buddy, but you scared me by running off like that. Don't do that again, okay?"

Lisle sniffled. "I sorry too, Daddy."

Edward wrapped Lisle in his arms and picked him up. He tickled his sides, eliciting the most adorable giggle. It was clear everything was going to be okay.

They turned and walked back in my direction. Edward smiled, one side of his face lifting higher than the other. "I didn't expect you to be here…" he trailed off.

Desperate not to make it weird, I resorted to bad humor. "Yeah. My boss finally gave me a day off. What a tyrant that guy is."

His smile shifted into a smirk. "Very funny."

"I try."

On the outside, it was easy to joke with him. Pretend like I wasn't completely freaking out. On the inside, however, I felt like my heart might be in need of a few shocks if it didn't slow down. And I realized then that, no matter how bad it was for me, my crush simply couldn't be shoved away into a tiny box for safekeeping.

Edward's eyes wandered to my towel and then back to me. "You here with friends? Or… your dad?"

I avoided the honest answer and shrugged. "My dad had to work."

"Ah," he said. Then he bit his lip. And I had to bite mine to keep from squeaking. All of a sudden he looked kind of nervous; like he didn't know what else to say or how to act. I really couldn't blame him.

"It was good seeing you," he said, looking over at Lisle. "Come on buddy, let's leave Bella alone."

He turned to leave and my heart sunk. I wanted to stop him so badly that my mouth was springing into action before my brain could stop it. "You don't have to go!"

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><p><strong>*ducks for cover* Please don't hit me.<strong>

_Thank you all so very much for reading, you're all invited to the fiesta in my pantalones! Guess what? Some wonderful person nominated **Going Under** for **Fic of the We**ek over at **The Lemonade Stand**! You should hop over there and vote for your favorites! tehlemonadestand . blogspot . com  
><em>

**Reviews are the loveliest love you could possibly give a writer.**

_Until tomorrow!_

**xx**


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: I own everything but their names.**

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><p><em><strong>July 4, 2001 – Santa Cruz, California<strong>_

_"It was good seeing you," he said, looking over at Lisle. "Come on buddy, let's leave Bella alone."_

_He turned to leave and my heart sunk. I wanted to stop him so badly that my mouth blurted out the words before my brain could stop it. "You don't have to go!"_

__  
>Edward stopped and licked his lips, staring out at the water before shifting his gaze back to me.<p>

"Really?" he asked, adjusting Lisle on his hip.

I nodded, even though on the inside, I was freaking the hell out. _What did I just do? Why didn't you just let him walk away, Bella?  
><em>  
>With his free hand, he ran his fingers through his hair and looked contemplative. "Actually we were— we were about to head up into the village for dinner," he said.<p>

"Oh, okay…" I said, deflated.

He tugged his hair. "Did… I mean, do you… want to join us?"

_Um, yes. A million times yes!_

I breathed in and out before answering him, afraid my voice would somehow betray my thoughts if I didn't. "Are you sure? I don't want to impose on your time with Lisle."

Before Edward could answer me, Lisle wiggled to be set free and Edward bent down to put him on his feet. He ran toward me, wrapping his arms around one of my legs as he looked up. "You come too!" he insisted.

I sighed and wondered if they knew how hard it was to refuse them. I couldn't seem to tell either one of them no.

"Okay," I told Lisle, squeezing his cheek. "But you're buying."

He giggled and rolled his eyes. "I gots no money, Bella."

"Well, then, it's a good thing you're cute."

Edward and Lisle played in the sand as I threw on my clothes and gathered my things. I tried my very best to hide how nervous I was, concentrating hard to keep the shake out of my hands. When I finished up, Lisle latched onto my hand and pulled me in the direction of their things so they could do the same.

After stopping quickly at Edward's Jeep to drop everything off, we ended up at this little pizza joint in town. It was busy and noisy, but cute. The tablecloths looked just how you'd expect them to look, all red and white checkerboards, and every table had a killer view of the ocean.

We were seated quicker than I expected. Edward settled Lisle into a booster seat and I hid my hands beneath the table, twisting my fingers together as I peered at the menu.

"Hey, Baby Boy, you want pepperoni?" Edward asked, pushing the kid's place-mat and crayons in Lisle's direction.

"Yup," Lisle answered, already digging into the cup of colors.

"Do you think Bella wants pepperoni on her pizza, too?"

With a bright green crayon in his hand, Lisle looked up at me, his face twisted in confusion. "Bella, you like 'roni?"

"Of course I do," I told him. "It just happens to be my favorite."

He beamed at me. "Mine too!"

Just then, the waiter greeted us and asked if we were ready to order. Edward looked over at me. "You don't mind sharing, do you?"

I shook my head. "Not at all."

After Edward had placed our order, he scooted closer to Lisle, grabbing his own – purple – crayon as he attempted to explain the puzzle on the back of the placemat.

"Each of these dots has a number." Edward pointed. "And when you connect them, it makes a picture." He put the crayon in Lisle's hand and wrapped his much larger one around it. "Like this. One… two… three…"

"Four!" Lisle shouted proudly.

"That's right!" Edward laughed, the smile on his face so genuine it made me fall just a little bit more.

I'd seen them together before, inside the shop, but here, now, Edward seemed freer. It was kind of amazing.

Lisle eventually told Edward to step off his placemat, making me giggle. Edward scowled at me and crossed his arms over his chest, all pouty faced and _wow_, it was clear where his child got it from.

Our pizza arrived, distracting all of us from anything but the gooey goodness of the delicious food. It was mostly quiet except for Lisle chattering on as he slowly covered himself, and much of the table, in pizza sauce.

Edward took a sip of his soda. "So, Jasper tells me you're headed to SC in the fall."

I wiped my mouth and nodded. "Yeah."

"Any idea what your major's gonna be?"

"Not a clue," I laughed. "All I know is, I want to travel… pretty much any job that can give me that, I'm in."

Edward's eyes seemed to darken as he took another bite of pizza. He finished chewing. "You're still young… you'll figure it out."

I looked down, hating the mention of my age.

"I hope so," I admitted. Needing a change of topic, I turned the tables. "What about you? Did you always plan to take over the shop?"

A crease formed between his eyebrows. "I guess." He shrugged. "I never really considered anything else."

"Did you go to school?"

He nodded. "I graduated right before Lisle was born. I have my business degree, which I guess worked out kind of perfect, considering."

I frowned. Edward had never spoken of his father's passing, and I wasn't sure if he would have been uncomfortable with me bringing it up. I decided to stay quiet.

"It must be hard, though... to not really have any choice about what you do with your life."

He was quiet for a few seconds before shaking his head. "Remember what I told you before? We _always _have choices; it's up to us what we do with them. I wouldn't have made the decision I did if I hadn't truly wanted it."

I nodded but elected to stay quiet. I hadn't meant to insult him for the decisions he'd made, but it felt like I had. We finished eating dinner quietly. The pizza was absolutely delicious, the company even better.

Even though things had grown a little tense at the end...

Once Edward managed to clean Lisle's face and hands, we got up to leave. Outside, the sun was beginning to sink into the horizon, blanketing the city in moonlight. I sighed quietly as we strolled back toward Edward's Jeep, hating that the night hadn't ended on a positive note.

I eyed my car, parked not too far away, and stuck my hands deep into my pockets. "Well, um, thank you for dinner."

Edward's eyes drifted to where mine lingered and he frowned. "Are you leaving?"

"I should probably get home…"

Lisle tugged at my hand. "Come watch works 'wid us!" he insisted.

I looked up at Edward, confused.

"Fireworks," he whispered. Something about the look on his face begged me to stay, but he didn't put it into words. He didn't need to.

Even though I knew I was doing exactly what I'd promised myself I wouldn't, I _wanted _to be with them. And it wasn't like I had anyone waiting for me at home.

"Okay," I agreed, smiling down at Lisle.

He cheered and wrapped his free arm around my leg. "I so essited!"

Edward laughed loudly as he opened the door of his Jeep and grabbed a thick blanket from the front seat.

After locking up his car, the three of us made our way onto the beach. Families were gathered around fires burning in the sand, and the smell of marshmallows hung in the air. We ended up finding a spot easily, and I helped Edward spread the blanket out so we could sit and wait for the show.

I danced at the edge of the blanket, waiting for Edward to make the first move. I wasn't sure where to sit, what to say, where to go. I was seriously reconsidering agreeing to join them.

Clearly not feeling any of the awkward, Lisle wasted no time spreading out on the blanket. Edward kicked his shoes off and did the same, stretching his long legs out in front of him and resting back on his hands.

A few seconds passed while I pulled myself together and then I followed suit, kicking my flip flops into the sand and taking a seat, probably a little further away than was necessary.

Almost immediately, Lisle nestled himself against Edward's leg and he seemed to be down for the count, snoring and everything. It was adorable, even if I was freaking out about how to act without him as a buffer.

"Some date he is," I said, laughing softly as Edward tugged the corner of our blanket up and over Lisle's legs.

Edward laughed, too. "He's had a big day," he whispered. "I'm sorry he guilted you into staying."

I shrugged and stared out at the water, rubbing my arms against the breeze of the ocean. "It's okay. This is nice."

"Here." Edward sat up and unzipped his hoodie before slipping it from his shoulders. He offered it to me.

I accepted it gratefully, wrapping the thick jacket around my body, relishing in the warmth of Edward that still lingered in its threads. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply, soothed by his familiar oceany scent.

"Thank you," I whispered. "I hadn't planned on being out this long."

He smiled. "You're welcome."

There were so many things I wanted to say, but I still really didn't have any clue how to talk to him like a normal person. I wondered if it was the same for him. Was he just as nervous as I was… or secretly wondering how long it would be until I wasn't bothering him anymore?

That thought was depressing. With a shake of my head, I lay back and stared up at the sky. Edward shifted next to me, leaning back on his elbows.

"I had fun today," he said, tipping his head to the sky. "I know Lisle did, too. Thanks for humoring him."

I turned and admired his profile in the moonlight. "I had fun, too. He's really great." _And so is his father…  
><em>  
>He turned his eyes to mine, a smile held within. "He's a total handful, but I can't imagine life without him."<p>

I knew Edward's time with Lisle was precious, and I imagined it was probably really difficult to have to spend so much time away from him.

"Is it hard?" I asked, curious.

"What?"

"I mean, is it difficult to be away from him so much?"

Edward was quiet for so long, I feared he wouldn't answer. He reclined fully next to me, lifting his hands to his hair and sliding his fingers through it.

"It's one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. There's not much I _can _do about it, though. Mak's a great mom, she just…" he stopped, and I heard him sigh. "You really don't want to hear this."

I scowled at the sky, tempted to scold him for assuming I didn't want to know more about him. Instead, I opted for a much more rational response.

"I wouldn't have asked if I didn't want to hear the answer."

He shook his head. "We were too young, that's all," he said, his voice so soft, filled with an underlying layer of unmistakable hurt over what must have been the deterioration of his relationship with Lisle's mom. I hated her for hurting him. "But I wouldn't change it, because without her, I wouldn't have _him_."

"I'm sorry," I said.

He laughed lightly. "What on earth are you apologizing for?"

"I don't know… I just hate knowing that things were shitty for you."

He rolled his body toward mine and I turned my head to look at him. "They're not shitty right now." My chest expanded with a heavy breath as I looked into eyes filled with honesty. He lifted one hand, as if to touch my arm, but pulled away, curling his fingers into a fist. "You're… kind of amazing, you know that?"

The way he stared, coupled with what he'd said, made my insides feel like liquid. I had no idea how to respond, how to act. I could only smile and shake my head like the smitten young girl I was.

Suddenly the sky exploded, inky black melting into reds, whites and blues. More than anything, I wished I could tell him he was amazing, too.

But I didn't think we meant it in the same way.

* * *

><p><strong>I really am sorry for leaving you guys hanging like that, but I do hope it was worth the wait. Thank you so much for reading, tweeting, alerting… just everything. I'm always convinced I have the best readers in the fandom, because I do.<strong>

_Have you ever surfed before? Tried to surf? I'm very curious about this. Some of you have commented on my research for this story, and I have to be honest, I really didn't do much. I grew up in NorCal, and I was a fish my mom couldn't keep out of the water. It's been years since I've done it, but like riding a bicycle, you never forget._

**Reviews are love, but you already know this.**

_Until tomorrow!_

**xx**


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: I own everything but their names.**

* * *

><p><em><strong>July 6, 2001 – Santa Cruz, California<strong>_

My stomach had been in a knot for two days. The night of the fourth had done nothing to quell the spark of hope burning inside my heart – somehow, amazingly enough, it seemed my attraction for him might not always be one sided.

And… I didn't know how to react to that bit of information.

Last night, I'd tossed and turned with dreams of the possibilities. If I were just a little bit older… If he were just a little bit younger. I'd woken up sweaty and breathless, with a pain in my chest that didn't want to go away.

Now, I stared out the window, watching as Edward pulled up to the curb in his Jeep. He'd reminded me before leaving on Wednesday that he'd pick me up this morning for our surf lesson.

I took a deep breath and grabbed my things before heading outside to greet him. With every step closer to him I took, the tightening in my chest only seemed to get worse. All I could see when I closed my eyes were his hands on my skin, and I swore I could still taste him on my lips as I had in my dreams.

"Morning," Edward said, smiling as I climbed in the Jeep.

I nodded in response, but kept my mouth closed.

Once I was buckled, he put the Jeep into gear and pulled away from the curb. I closed my eyes and pulled my jacket tighter as the cool breeze swirled around us.

"You ready?"

"Not even a little bit," I answered honestly. Because truly, I wasn't ready for lots of things…

Edward laughed, the sound full of early morning roughness. "You'll be fine. And if it doesn't happen today, there's always next time…"

I scowled. "Are you always this inspirational in the morning?"

He glared at me playfully. "Are you always this grumpy in the morning?" he challenged, and I couldn't help but laugh.

Two things became clear as the sun inched higher in the sky. First, whatever had happened the other night, he seemed to be the same old guy I'd known for the past little while. There was no awkwardness on his part, no leading looks or strange pauses. Which led to two: if he could act normal, then so could I.

I calmed slightly as I realized that Edward and I could still just be friends on the outside, even if my heart was waging war on the inside.

We pulled up to the beach, parking easily in a prime spot. There were hardly any cars around and absolutely nobody on the water, for which I was thankful.

The less people around to witness my humiliation, the better.

As eager as someone walking toward a date with a firing squad, I hopped out of the Jeep and moved slowly toward the back to help Edward unload the boards. He had brought one of Jasper's old longboards for me to use.

We suited up and started our walk down to the water. I trailed behind, taking my time. I'd been so wrapped up in thoughts of Edward that I hadn't had much time to be nervous about anything else until that moment.

I stopped as Edward walked to stand in the surf, letting the cool water run over his bare feet. He turned to me and must have read the hesitation on my face. The look he gave me told me I was in charge.

I knew if I were to tell him I wasn't ready, he wouldn't push.

Slowly, I stepped toward him, gasping as the chilly water slid up and over my feet.

Edward chuckled. "You'll get used to that. Best thing to do? Just… dive in."

With that, he turned away and dove beneath the water, disappearing into the waves.

Taking his advice, I decided to just go for it and dove in after him. I surfaced with a shiver and my lips trembled. "Damn, that's cold."

"Come on you big baby," Edward yelled over his shoulder.

He led us out past the break until we were about chest deep and we both climbed up on our boards. He stayed quiet as I got my bearings and took in how it felt to actually be in the water. We'd talked about it so many times before. We'd watched video after video, and he'd answered every question I could come up with, but now that it was here… I just wanted to be back on the sand.

Sand was easy. Sand couldn't suck me under.

There were no sharks in the sand.

"Chill. I can almost hear you freaking out in your head right now. Remember what we practiced and just _do _it."

"What if I fall?" I asked.

"Then you fall. Who cares," he said. "Just wait for a wave that feels good and go. Stand up like we practiced and give it your best. If you don't feel steady, give up and go for the next one. Don't push yourself."

I looked over at him in pure terror. He always made it sound so simple. "But…" I trailed off.

With a shake of his head, he reached out and pulled my board closer to his. He smiled softly. "Remember what I said. Stay out of here." The tip of his finger grazed my temple. "And keep yourself in here." He pressed his fingers right in the center of my chest to indicate my heart. "Let it happen naturally."

Then he let me go.

I drifted away, taking a deep breath as I turned to look at the surf over my shoulder. With my hands and my body I memorized the board beneath me, taking careful stock of how the waves washed around me. The wetsuit restricted some of my movement and I knew that I'd have to adjust, that it wouldn't be as easy as it had been in shorts on the beach. I would have to account for every little change.

One wave passed, and then two. I tried to pretend I couldn't feel Edward's gaze on me.

When number four headed toward us, I went for it.

I lay forward, looking ahead as I paddled my arms as strong as I could. The water gathered beneath me and I felt the board fall into the right spot on the wave and begin pulling me toward the shore. When I felt steady, I pushed up with my arms and immediately lost my balance. With almost no time to react, the board tipped sideways… and then so did I.

Air rushed from my nose as I struggled against the current. I swam, fighting to get myself back to the surface without getting hit in the face by my board. When I broke through, gasping out a breath, Edward looked relieved. He watched closely as I swam back out toward him and climbed back on the board.

"You all right?"

My heart was pounding, a mixture of fear and adrenaline pumping through me that caused my chest to rise and fall with each labored breath I sucked in, but somehow I managed to tell him I was okay.

"That was a good try," Edward said.

I rolled my eyes at him. "If it was good, I wouldn't have fallen off. I wasn't in the right position."

"Stop being hard on yourself. Let it go and try again."

I huffed and turned away from him, my eyes examining the surf once again. I didn't want to take my frustrations out on Edward, but it was difficult.

Because I knew not making it up on my first wave wasn't the only thing I was upset about. And _neither_ of those things were really his fault.

Once more, I waited for a wave that felt right. When it surged forward, I lay down and paddled my heart out. I felt good that time, exhilarated. I wanted to scream and celebrate as I pushed up and got my feet under me…until I slipped and ended up tangled in the surf for a second time.

After the fifth wipeout, I decided I was done. Instead of swimming back out to where Edward waited, I rode the water on my belly all the way back into shore.

I slumped into the sand and fought hard not to cry at how badly I'd failed.

Edward's movement caught my eye as he paddled forward, grabbing the wave he wanted. He hopped up so fast, I almost missed it. He made it look effortless.

His footsteps splashed across the low tide as he approached me. Not wanting to see his disappointment, I stared down at the sand.

He dropped down at my side and I watched from beneath my curtain of hair as he rested his hands on his bent knees. "I told you not to get frustrated. It kills your mojo if you try too hard."

"How am I supposed to do it if I don't try?" I snapped, glancing up at him finally.

He sighed. "I'm not saying _not _to try… I'm just saying to relax."

"Why are you even making me do this?"

"I'm not making you do anything," he argued.

"Yes you are! If you hadn't made me accept that stupid condition I wouldn't even care about all of this." My hands motioned wildly around us. "Now I'm invested, and I hate failing. I hate it!"

He put his hand on my arm and squeezed. "You didn't fail. You did well; it just takes time, Bella. Don't get discouraged." He stood up, motioning for me to join him. "And, I wouldn't have insisted you do this if I didn't think you actually could."

* * *

><p><strong>Remember how Bella mentioned her tendency for getting frustrated easily? She's feeling it. And Edward appears cool as a cucumber…but is he?<strong>

_Thank you all so much for reading, and for indulging me by answering my question about surfing. I loved hearing all of your stories! I have another question for you today: what's the craziest (or stupidest) thing you've ever done to get the attention of the opposite sex? For me it was probably taking up hockey when I was a senior in high school. Boy was I dumb._

Two of my amazing readers created the most gorgeous banners for this story! Thank you to _**jarkin33**_ and _**primarycolors**_! I've added links to both of the pretties on my profile. Go check them out!

**Reviews are love, and love really makes me happy. Especially when it comes from one of you.**

_Until tomorrow!_

**xx**


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: I own everything but their names.**

* * *

><p><em><strong>July 13, 2001 – Santa Cruz, California<strong>_

"How's it going with the surf guru back there?" Jasper asked.

I scowled at him across the store. "It's not."

He looked confused. "What? Haven't you guys been out on the water almost every day since last week?"

"Yeah."

"Then why isn't it going?"

I really didn't want to admit to Jasper how bad I was, but I knew he would push until I admitted the truth.

"Because I'm horrible," I replied quietly.

Jasper started laughing then. _Hard_. Like, bent over and out of breath hard. I was tempted to punch him.

Childishly, I stomped my foot. "Dude," I said, hoping he'd hear the irritation in my voice. The week had been stressful enough without him adding to the pile of crazy going on inside my head by picking on me.

Jasper rolled his eyes and hopped up on the counter, smiling. "Don't 'dude' me. You're being ridiculous; we all sucked at first."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, right."

"I'm not kidding. It took me like a year before I was able to go out there and catch almost any wave I wanted. And I didn't get 'lessons' like you did. With Dad and Edward as teachers, it was sink or swim. I had to learn by watching, honey. You're lucky he didn't just throw you out there to the sharks."

"Maybe he should have," I said snottily.

Jasper ignored me, and I couldn't blame him. I was a freaking mess. I'd been treating everyone around me like it was _their _fault I hadn't stood up on a wave yet.

Most of all, Edward.

He took my attitude in stride, always remaining his usual positive self. Sometimes annoyingly so. He just shook off everything like nothing I said or did bothered him in the least. And that bothered _me_.

I wanted him to be bothered. I wanted a reaction. Something. Anything. Even if it was anger.

My dreams about him hadn't gotten any better. Well, that's not true… they'd gotten a whole lot better. But that didn't make them easier to deal with in the morning. And I knew it wasn't just my epic surf failure causing me to act like a big brat. It was the fact that they were _just _dreams and I wanted so badly for them to be real.

"You know he wouldn't do that, don't you?" Jasper asked.

"Do what?"

"Throw you to the sharks… Edward's not that kind of guy."

I nodded. I knew that. "I know."

That afternoon, Edward came out of his office with his keys in his hand, avoiding eye contact with me. "I'll be back," he told Jasper.

As he pushed open the door, he looked at me, offering a tilt of his chin before he disappeared.

It wasn't long before he returned with Lisle in tow. Since he'd spent the previous weekend with his mom, it was our first time seeing each other since the holiday.

The way his face lit up when Edward set him on his feet completely changed my world. There was something about that little boy that made everything better.

He ran toward me, completely ignoring Jasper as he buried his face against my legs. "Bella!" He looked up at me with a huge smile.

"Hey, bud. Whatcha doing?"

"Come see my new toy," he insisted excitedly, grabbing my hand and tugging on me to follow him.

With a laugh, I went.

In the back, I lowered myself to sit on the floor. Lisle crawled into my lap, bouncing as Edward sat down across from us on the edge of the couch and unloaded his son's new toy on the floor.

"Legos!" Lisle babbled on, flaunting with everything he had.

I tried to listen attentively to everything, but Edward being so close was… distracting. I could feel the awkward tension coating the air around us.

And I hated it.

"I'm sorry," I blurted, looking up at Edward briefly as I helped Lisle assemble a tree.

Edward opened his mouth, but Lisle beat him to it. "Why you sorry, Bella?"

I heard Edward chuckle, but focused my attention on Lisle. "I'm sorry for being a meanie to your daddy."

Lisle got that look kids get when they're really trying to work something out. All perplexed and squishy faced and cute. He narrowed his eyes a little and pouted his lower lip before letting out a big sigh. "Why you mean to Dada?"

"I didn't mean to be, but sometimes things happen."

"I fink you should tell him you sorry. Dat always works f'me."

"Oh, really?" I asked, tickling his sides.

He giggled. "Yes huh and 'den you get ice cream for bein' a good boy!"

Edward and I both laughed, and I shifted my eyes to back him. His look alone said that all was forgiven. Now I just had to get myself back out there and prove to both of us that I could do this.

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><p><strong>Leave it to Lisle to relieve some of that tension, yeah? Plus, ice cream is awesome.<strong>

_Thank you all so much for reading, reviewing, tweeting, everything. I am completely kerfluffled (yes, I totally said that) about how well this story's been received so far. You all make me an amazingly happy woman._

**Reviews are love.**

_Until tomorrow!_

**xx**


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: I own everything but their names.**

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><p><em><strong>July 16, 2001 – Santa Cruz, California<strong>_

"You gonna be nicer today?" Edward asked, his voice all calm and nice – like he was afraid I would bite his head off or something.

"Yes," I replied, laughing nervously as I turned away and finished pulling on my wetsuit. "If I'm not, you have permission to drown me."

"Don't tempt me."

I bent over to strap my board around my ankle. "I wouldn't blame you. I deserve it."

"Nah," he replied, grinning. "Who else would verbally abuse me if I left you out there for shark bait?"

I frowned. It was the first time Edward had actually voiced anything about my behavior toward him. Even though I'd apologized already, I felt like it needed to be said again.

"I really am sorry," I told him softly.

He reached out and grabbed my hand, eyes filled with understanding. "I know."

Breathing a sigh of relief, I smiled. Edward squeezed my fingers once before letting go and grabbing his board.

I followed him and we dove into the brisk ocean, swimming quietly through the glassy early morning waves. After a week or so, at least I could say the temperature of the water got easier to handle.

"Go get 'em," Edward called out as he swam in a different direction.

With a deep sigh, I lay forward and settled myself on my board. It'd been a week filled with disappointment, each wipeout fueling my frustration and in turn, my failure. The fact that Edward had forgiven me for the way I acted had at least lifted one heavy weight from my shoulders.

I focused, attempting to shake off what remained – my stupid crush – and forget everything except the water.

One glance over my shoulder later and I was off, paddling hard and pushing myself to prepare for the ride. Water gathered below me, lifting the board up and into the wave. I pulled my upper body away from the board, pushing my legs under me to stand. I lifted higher and my stomach danced, igniting that same bubble of excitement I'd felt so many times before. I planted my feet, closing my eyes and mouth as I prepared for the fall I was sure would come.

Seconds passed, and the cool ocean breeze swam around me as I glided across the water. On my feet. On my freaking feet!

I opened my eyes in disbelief, my smile returning.

I had done it. I was _surfing_.

Adrenaline flowed to my hands and arms and my head, making the experience that much greater. My heart pounded so fast I felt it in my toes.

Logically, I knew it only lasted seconds – but it felt like the longest, most exhilarating few moments of my life. I rode that wave as long as it allowed before sinking into shallower water in shock. I felt like I was dreaming, like if I blinked too many times I might suddenly wake up and realize my subconscious had been the only part of me taken for such an amazing ride.

Edward's voice reminded me it was real as he splashed his way through the water, stopping only when I was in his arms and my feet were dangling in the air. "I knew you could do it," he breathed. "I fucking _knew _it."

His grin was so big and bright and full of pride, I couldn't help myself. My stomach flipped and my chest lit on fire as I threw my arms around his neck and hugged him back with everything I had.

_Best. Day. Ever.  
><em>  
>Edward didn't hesitate to wrap his arms more firmly around me, spinning us around in celebration. I buried my face against his shoulder, inhaling the familiar sweet, salty ocean smell I'd come to think of as pure him. Warm breaths soaked into the cool skin of my neck, and I wished more than anything I could pull away and feel that same warmth against my lips. That I could just tell him the truth about how I felt and have him reciprocate…<p>

I didn't _want _to care about the consequences, or that I knew I shouldn't have felt about him the way I did. I wanted to throw caution to the wind and bask in the happiness and excitement of the moment by showing him how I felt.

But I _did_ care, and losing what we did have by making a stupid move was a risk I wasn't willing to take.

* * *

><p><strong>Oh, Bella. I know you're all probably shaking your fists at me, so… I'll just be over here hiding in the corner.<strong>

_Thank you all so much for reading!_

**Reviews are love.**

_Until tomorrow (or maybe later today, we shall see…)_

**xx**


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: I own everything but their names.**

* * *

><p><strong><em>July 16, 2001 – Santa Cruz, California<em>**

I was so nervous when Edward pulled away from our hug. I thought it would be awkward, that he'd somehow _know_ by the way I'd touched him, or how tightly I'd held him, that I'd been dreaming about something more than just friendship with him.

But I should have known better.

Like nothing had even happened, he set me back on my feet, grinned and picked up his board. He was diving back into the ocean before I could even blink.

"Come on," Edward called out. "I need to see that again."

I just stood there for a minute, in awe – or was it shock? – and stared at him dumbly. I was all mixed up with the excitement of my first _real _wave and the knowledge that Edward had just had his hands on me. Willingly. I wanted him to react differently. I wanted him to make a move that would completely discount the thoughts in my head that we couldn't be more than friends.

But he'd just walked away like it hadn't meant anything.

I didn't know how to process any of it at that moment.

Once I managed to snap myself out of it, of course I followed him back into the water. I tried to push all the thoughts of me and him away and focus on nothing else but the task at hand: surfing.

The second wave was even better. Getting out there with the confidence that I could do it changed _everything._

I was a bubbly mass of excitement spurred on by a heart that wouldn't stop pounding the entire way to the shop that morning. As soon as we walked inside, it was like Jasper could read the giddiness and success rolling off me.

"You finally did it, huh?" he asked.

I stopped and tried desperately to keep the grin off my face. "How'd you know?"

"You're, like, glowing or some shit."

"I hate you."

"No seriously! It's about damn time, too. I thought I was gonna have to step in and take over those lessons."

I looked over my shoulder at Edward, catching him just as he crossed his arms over his chest. He scowled. "Bro, don't make me kick your ass."

Jasper laughed. "Good luck with that!"

I pointed at each of them. "Enough outta you two. You're killing my buzz."

Edward cracked a tiny smile and moved around me, stopping at the cash register to look through receipts.

"We should totally celebrate, Bell. Some buddies of mine are having a bonfire at Castle tonight. Wanna be my date?" Jasper wiggled his eyebrows and turned up the temperature on his signature hard-to-resist grin.

Before answering, I thought for a second, back to that first day when Edward had made me promise never to go out with his brother. _Was he serious?_

It didn't matter if he was, I didn't want to date Jasper. He was my friend. But even if I wasn't about to go out with him for real, I could certainly tease him…

"I'm not allowed to date you," I said, peeking at Edward. He smiled softly into his stack of receipts.

"Oh, come on! You can't spend _all _your time with that geezer." Jasper jerked his chin in Edward's direction.

Biting my lip, I looked over at Edward again. His eyes were still on the receipts, but his body language somehow indicated he wasn't happy with what Jasper had said about him. I had just apologized for treating him badly, and the last thing I wanted was to mess anything up. But the simple fact was that Jasper was right; I needed to start hanging around people my own age.

Especially if I was ever going to get over Edward.

And after what had happened that morning, I had no other choice but to get over him. We were friends. He was my boss. That was all he'd ever be.

"Fine, fine," I told Jasper. "I'll go. But I will not be your date."

"Sweet!" Jasper yelled. "We can roll up after closing tonight."

"You're buying me dinner," I joked.

"I thought this wasn't a date?"

"It's not."

"Then your ass can buy your own food." He grinned impishly.

I rolled my eyes. "I hope you have at least one friend that knows how to show a girl a good time."

"Oh, I do," Jasper said.

We were interrupted by the slamming of the cash register drawer. I turned and watched Edward disappear into his office, my heart squeezing painfully for reasons I didn't understand.

"What crawled up his butt?" Jasper whispered.

I had no idea, and though I tried my damnedest to shrug it off, Edward stayed on my mind all day. I couldn't figure out what might have caused his reaction, and my confusion only grew as the day stretched on.

And it only got worse when he left that afternoon, because he didn't say goodbye to either of us.

* * *

><p><strong>Okay, now I really <em>am <em>hiding. Please stick with me here.**

_Thank you all for reading! Sorry I didn't post this up last night, but I was in and out and wanted to reply to reviews first._

**Reviews are love.**

_Until tomorrow!_

**xx**


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer: I own everything but their names.**

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><p><em><strong>July 16, 2001 – Santa Cruz, California<strong>_

Smoke and heat billowed through the air around us as we made our way across the beach toward Jasper's friends. He'd said on the way over it was a small affair, just a few of his closest friends and that I shouldn't worry because everyone was cool. Despite the situation I was heading into, I wasn't nervous or scared. All I really felt was indifference.

My head was elsewhere.

I still couldn't figure out why Edward hadn't said goodbye. Could he have really been upset about me agreeing to come out with Jasper? Or was it something we'd said?

I'd struggled to remember the teasing conversation I'd been having with Jasper just before the register drawer slammed, but nothing seemed to stick out that warranted Edward's behavior.

It just didn't make sense. And that was frustrating.

Jasper tugged on my arm, pulling me toward a group of kids gathered around a fire pit. When we arrived, none of them even bothered greeting him; all eyes were on me.

"Who's your cute little friend, Jas?" some tall kid asked.

"Yeah, who's the chick?"

"Dude, show some respect for the lady," another boy interjected.

"All of you shut the hell up," a girl spoke over them. I giggled a little.

"Thanks Alice," Jasper said, smiling for just a beat too long before he turned and looked at me. "Everyone, this is Bella. Bella, this is… everyone."

I gave a little wave and shook hands as each of them came up to introduce themselves personally. Jared was the tall kid; he had this crazy black hair and eyes that wandered a little too freely. The other boys introduced themselves as Demetri and Felix, twin brothers who looked far too much alike for me to even try telling apart. The only girl besides me was Alice. Her tiny frame and short hair made her look more like a boy than some of the others, but I could see in Jasper's eyes when he looked at her that even if I had agreed to be his date tonight, I wasn't the girl he wanted to be with.

"Where's Nah?" Jasper asked, grabbing a beer from one of the coolers.

I think it was Felix who answered, "Where do you think, bro? He's in the water."

Jasper rolled his eyes and grabbed a seat, patting the space next to him. I sat down, and though I wasn't really a drinker, I took the beer Alice offered me.

Jasper leaned over and spoke quietly. "There's one more person I want you to meet."

Just then, Jared hooted and all eyes turned to the water. Silhouetted by the moon, someone rose up on their board and swished this way and that across a wave. It was amazing, but all it did was bring Edward back to the forefront of my mind.

When his ride ended, the guy on the board crashed to the water dramatically. The crowd around me filled with laughter. He sloshed up the beach with his board under his arm, dropping it into the sand as he shook out his hair.

"Can't stay out of the water for long, can you?" Jasper asked, jumping up to shake his friends' hand.

The guy stepped into the light of the flames, all wavy brown hair and big pouty lips. "Not for long." He grinned and turned his eyes to me; they were the color of fire. "And who's this?"

"This is Bella," everyone seemed to answer him at once.

He picked up a towel to wipe his hands, and then sauntered over to us, squatting down to offer me his hand. I took it and smiled up at him.

"Bella," he said in greeting. "I'm Nahuel."

After our introduction, Nahuel stepped away to peel off his wetsuit, dressing beneath a towel. He pulled a hoodie over his head and joined us by the fire, taking the seat right next to mine.

He lifted his hands toward the flames for warmth. "So, Bella, I hear you're new in town."

I glared at Jasper for a second. "I swear sometimes you gossip like a female," I joked.

Everyone laughed and agreed wholeheartedly.

"Fuck you all," Jasper muttered, standing up and traipsing down the beach all pouty-faced. Alice followed him.

I laughed and shook my head, returning my attention to Nahuel. "Yep, I am new in town."

"And how are you enjoying our fair city?"

"It's not too bad," I answered, grabbing a handful of sand and letting the tiny grains run through my fingers.

"I hear E's teaching you to surf?"

At the mention of Edward, my chest constricted. I sipped the beer in my hands, hoping the wince the flavor brought on would hide my reaction.

"Yeah. I grabbed my first wave today, in fact."

Nahuel closed his eyes and smiled softly. "Ah, you never forget your first…"

"Bro, we're not talking about sex," Jared called across the fire, interrupting us.

"We might as well be," Nahuel argued with a laugh. "There's nothing better than riding."

Felix (or was it Demetri?) snorted. "Fuck you, Nah. You're just saying that 'cause you get paid to do that shit now."

"I wouldn't do it if I didn't love it," Nahuel replied. "The sponsorship's just an added bonus."

"Says you, man!" Demetri (or was it Felix?) yelled enthusiastically.

"Wait. You're sponsored?" I wondered aloud. Hanging around Jasper and Paul so much, I had heard all about the local celebrities in the surf scene; those who'd been scouted and plucked right out of the water and thrust into stardom in the surf world. I was more than a little fascinated.

Nahuel nodded. "For the last year or so. I'm actually only home for a few days before I have to head back out for a competition."

"Wow," I said. "That must be amazing."

He grinned. "It really is. I can't see myself doing anything else."

"I bet."

"How do you like it? Surfing, I mean…" he asked.

"It's been great. Today was…" I shook my head. "I can't even describe it."

"You don't even have to try; I know exactly what you're talking about."

Nahuel and I kind of faded into our own little bubble. He told me all about surfing in other countries and I listened with admiration, envy and maybe even a tiny bit of jealousy. He'd been to _so _many places I wanted to visit, and I couldn't get enough of the attention he was giving me.

It felt nice to _finally_ be noticed. Plus, he wasn't bad to look at, either.

He stayed by my side all evening, his cute smile and infectious laugh keeping me from thinking about what tomorrow would bring when I faced Edward again.

* * *

><p><strong>I'm drawing a blank on what to say here… so I'll say this: you are all awesome. Thank you so much for reading and rec'ing and tweeting about this story. My smile is an almost permanent fixture these days.<strong>

_Huge thanks to **mcgt **for her lovely review of Going Under over on **Twific Reviews**! Link is on my profile if you want to check it out!_

**Reviews are love.**

_Until tomorrow!_

**xx**


	17. Chapter 17

**I am breaking my own rule by posting this early instead of replying to your reviews first; I hope it's worth the trade-off.**

**Disclaimer: I own everything but their names.**

* * *

><p><strong><em>July 17, 2001 – Santa Cruz, California<em>**

I'd never really been a morning person before my surf lessons, but lately I'd found that the incentive of catching some waves with Edward greatly influenced the fact that I didn't hit my snooze button so often. So when six o' clock came and went, and seven inched its way onto my watch, I was confused.

Edward was usually here by now.

I looked out the window, first left and then right, and then sighed as I sat down heavily on the couch. Crossing my arms over my chest, I wondered what was going on?

Seven fifteen.

Seven twenty…

Seven twenty-three…

_Still_ no Edward.

Curling my hands into fists, I checked the clock one more time: seven forty-five. And that's when it hit me.

He really _was_ angry for some reason. And he wasn't late.

He just wasn't coming.

My stomach felt sick. All mixed up, just like the rest of me. My head, my heart… everything was filled with confusion.

I'd had a great time at the bonfire, but I really looked forward to seeing Edward this morning. After yesterday's success I was anxious about getting back out on the water and trying again.

I stared at the clock on the wall. Charlie's keys hung beside it, and I swear they were calling my name. He wouldn't be leaving for work for at least another few hours; I had plenty of time.

But did I have the guts?

Heck yes, I did.

Without another thought, I stood up, grabbed the keys and left. I had to know _why_.

That sick feeling in the pit of my stomach still hadn't disappeared when I got to the beach. Somehow, I knew he'd be there. His snub was intentional. What I didn't understand was _why_?

Just after eight, I pulled into the parking lot and stared. And of course… there it was: his Jeep, parked in the usual spot.

Tears burned in my eyes as I pulled into the parking space next to it and climbed out of the car.

Crossing my arms over my chest, I walked closer to the edge of the beach and looked out at the water. Edward was hard to miss in any light, but especially in the morning. The early sunlight shone on his coppery colored hair, making him stand out amongst the small group of surfers gathered in the water by now.

My chest burned with the pain of knowing he was out there without me. I hated it. I wanted to be by his side like I had been for weeks…

The tears I had been trying so hard not to let fall broke free, and I squeezed my eyes shut to stop the flow. I had no idea what to do next.

When I'd left the house, I was sure I could do it, that I could confront him… but now that I was here, I wondered if I shouldn't just go home and pretend it didn't matter.

It _did _matter though, damn it. And he had to know he'd hurt me. Maybe it was selfish of me, but I wanted him to feel crappy, too.

Kicking off my shoes, I stepped on to the cool sand. I walked with purpose toward the water, watching as Edward grabbed a ride and stood up on his board, looking all perfect and handsome and wet… and god damn I couldn't even enjoy it like I wanted to.

The closer he got, the more my heart clenched. More than the hurt though… was the anger. _How could he?_

When he finally emerged from the water I hoped he could see the fire in my eyes, but as usual, he gave me _nothing_. Without even sparing me a glance, he tossed his board on to the sand and bent to pick up his towel.

"I waited for you this morning," I said.

"Why?" Edward asked, all cavalier, like it didn't even matter. Like _I _didn't matter.

"_Why_?" I mimicked, shaken and just plain annoyed.

"You heard me." He finally looked at me then, and I swear the confusion on his face almost looked genuine. Almost.

My heart twisted and everything inside me tightened. I took a deep breath, determined not to let him see just how badly he'd made me feel.

"Heh, I wasn't aware our lessons were over; would have been nice if you'd enlightened me before you decided to ditch me."

"Why is it such a surprise? You know how to surf now. Now we can go back to being what we are: boss and employee. That's it." His voice had an edge to it I hadn't heard him use before. So devoid of feeling or emotion it made my skin crawl.

And every single word cut deeper and deeper into my heart. He had just voiced every single one of my fears from the day before.

"Is that how it is?" I asked shakily. "Here I thought you were my _friend_."

He shook his head, turning away. "You don't get it."

"What don't I get Edward?" I challenged.

His fingers wove into his hair, tugging the wet strands mercilessly. He huffed out a breath. "I can't be your friend, okay? I _can't_."

I had no idea what to say to that.

Several tense, quiet moments passed. I stared into the water like it might hold the answers I wanted. More angry tears fell from my eyes and I reached up to wipe them away, mad at myself for letting him see how much I was affected by what he'd said.

As the minutes and the silence grew, I turned to leave. I'd done what I'd come thereto do and there was no sense in making an even bigger fool out of myself than I already had.

Edward didn't want me.

Edward didn't want me to want him.

Edward couldn't be my friend.

Edward was nothing… except my boss.

I covered my mouth as I walked, trying to hide the sob those thoughts conjured.

He turned as I moved past him, and, though I tried not to look at him, his eyes met mine; vivid green against my own watery brown. And I don't know what I expected to see there in his face, but it certainly wasn't my own anguish reflected back.

My stomach flipped and squeezed and I sucked in a deep breath, but I didn't stop walking. I couldn't. I forced myself to keep moving even though the sand at my feet felt like sludge.

"Fuck," he said, and then I heard his steps swishing through the sand behind me. "Please don't cry," he begged.

He reached out and grabbed my wrist, stopping me from moving any further.

"I'm not," I insisted, tugging against the hold he had on me.

"You're a horrible liar."

"You're an asshole," I retorted, still trying to break free. I turned my back and closed my eyes.

"Yes, I am," he agreed, much closer now.

"I have to go," I said, staring ahead at the parking lot. There were more cars around, more people. I didn't want this to become some kind of public spectacle.

Edward took a deep breath in and then pulled on my wrist again. "Please look at me."

Slowly, I turned, keeping my eyes low. I was afraid to look at him. He released my arm, but his hands stayed close; like he was afraid I might bolt at any second. I wanted to. I felt like the biggest idiot on the planet for even bothering to come here.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, taking another step closer. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have…"

"Why?" I asked, needing to know. I wasn't sure if he would understand the myriad questions remaining: why had he ditched me; why had he been so upset the day before; why had he said all those hurtful things? Why, why, why…

His jaw clenched and he closed his eyes briefly before lifting a hand to my cheek, the tips of his fingers barely touching my skin. His voice was soft when he spoke again. "You were right. I'm an asshole."

As much as I wanted to melt into the simple touch he'd offered, to forget everything, I just couldn't. Instead, I shook my head and reached up to push his hand away. I needed space to breathe, to think, to just…figure out what it was I did want. I wished I could pretend that a few words and one tiny little touch could fix the hurt, but that just wasn't the case.

"I have to go," I repeated.

The look in Edward's eyes was equal parts defeated and determined. "No," he insisted. "_No_."

He took another step forward, reached out with both hands, and touched my cheeks, fingers sliding until they were wrapped tightly in my hair and he was pulling my face toward his. The green in his eyes was gorgeous up close, so raw, intense… so completely uninhibited. Like he'd lowered a screen and let me see right into his soul.

The air in my lungs disappeared as I watched his mouth part, tongue peeking out to trace his bottom lip. Anger, disappointment – everything I'd been feeling – disappeared and the air around us shifted. Warmth crawled up my body, and I'm not sure who moved first, but suddenly my hands were wrapped around his biceps and I had the taste of him in my mouth, all sweet and coffee and mint.

He kissed so softly; tentative and caring. Top lip… bottom lip. A lick and then a suck. My fingers tightened and our kiss grew stronger, more demanding. He moaned. I melted. My mouth parted and his tongue swirled against mine, teeth tugging my bottom lip until he slowed. With two soft kisses he pulled away, washing warmth across my cheek as he breathed heavily. The hold he had on my hair loosened as his lips teased my jaw, and then my neck.

Hands dropped to my shoulders, arms, and then wrapped around my waist. And I couldn't believe this was happening. His chest danced heavily against my own, sending shivers through me as cold water from his wetsuit soaked into the material of my shirt.

"Do you know what you _do _to me?" he whispered, lips brushing each word against my skin like an artist puts paint to canvas.

I couldn't answer him, but I didn't let go. The truth was that I didn't know if I'd ever be able to let go again.

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><p><strong>So… can I officially come out of hiding now? *kicks dirt around*<strong>

_Thank you all a million times over for your lovely reviews and words and everything. You are the best readers ever._

**Reviews are love.**

_Until tomorrow!_

**xx**


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer: I own everything but their names.**

* * *

><p><strong><em>July 17, 2001 – Santa Cruz, California<em>**

_"Do you know what you _do_ to me?" he whispered, lips brushing each word against my skin like an artist puts paint to canvas._

_I couldn't answer him, but I didn't let go. The truth was that I didn't know if I'd ever be able to let go again._

Before I even had a chance to try answering his question, his lips were on mine again, all warm and needy and breathtakingly perfect. It was everything I'd wanted: to be close to him; to kiss him; to know that the feelings growing inside me might be returned.

But I didn't understand why, if he were planning to kiss me, he'd said all the things he had only minutes before. Why he'd pushed me away so hard only to pull me right back in again.

"Wait," I said, pulling away from his lips and pushing against his chest. "Just… wait."

He stepped back, face falling as he lifted his hands to his hair. There was something so utterly simple, yet devastatingly hot, about the way his muscles flexed as he linked his fingers and rested them behind his neck.

"We need to talk," I told him.

Edward sighed. "I— yeah, we do."  
>I opened my mouth to speak, but my thoughts were still too chaotic to put into words.<p>

"We can't do this here. And if we don't get to the shop soon, Jasper's gonna think something happened."

I nodded, still mute. Edward was right; even if it was going to kill me to wait all day for answers. Plus, if I didn't return Charlie's car before he had to leave for work, I'd probably be grounded for the rest of my life.

"Later," he said, "when the shop closes, then we'll talk. Okay?"

"Yeah," I said, and that was that. After walking me to my car, Edward said goodbye, waiting until I pulled away to get in his Jeep.

Thank the stars everyone was mostly still in the water because my eyes lingered on his tall frame, highlighted by the rising sun and the ocean behind him, instead of where I was going until I left the parking lot.

Luckily, I made it back home in record time. Charlie was waiting on the porch when I pulled up, though.

_Oh, shit._

There was no denying that I'd taken his car without asking. I climbed out reluctantly and moved toward him. "Hi, Dad… I hope you don't mind, I had an, uh… an errand to run."

I gave him the best 'innocent daughter smile I could and held the keys out, jingling them just before I dropped them in his hand.

"Nah, kid. I don't mind. But ask next time," he said gruffly, standing up. He bent down and kissed my cheek. "I've gotta run, see you tonight."

"Okay, Dad. Have a good day!" I called after him.

Once he was gone, I took my usual walk to the shop. My stomach was a mass of crazy butterflies the entire time, and, though I was still so confused about the morning's events, my lips tingled just thinking about seeing Edward again.

I had barely made it inside the door when Jasper started in.

"Hey, Sleeping Beauty," he joked. "Running a little late this morning?"

I shrugged and tried not to look guilty. "Yeah, you could say that."

"Don't worry about it. I covered for you with Grumpsalot back there." He jerked his thumb in the direction of Edward's office. "He's in a surprisingly chipper mood this morning. I think he even smiled."

I turned away to hide my own smile. Something had made Edward happy… I only hoped it was me.

We were unusually and frustratingly busy that afternoon, but I couldn't complain. The less time to dwell on what'd happened that morning, the better. I knew if I had the time to go over it in my head, I would work myself into a frenzy of 'what-if's' and make myself even crazier than I was already feeling.

After closing, Jasper locked up and I went into the dressing room to finish hanging up the bikinis some snotty teenage girls had left all over the floor. Brats. They didn't buy anything, and I suspected they were really only there to ogle the surfers who frequented the shop in the first place.

A throat cleared and I looked up to find Jasper leaning against the door. "So, d'you have fun last night?"

I nodded. "Yeah… thanks again. You know, for bringing me. It was nice to meet some new people."

"I know Nah had a good time," Jasper teased, grinning at me. "He wants me to give him your number."

Before that morning, I probably would have been happy with that little piece of information. At that moment, though, I didn't know how to handle it. I had to fight to give him some kind of answer that wouldn't give away the truth.

"I'm not—" I stopped speaking when Edward stepped out of his office and turned his head to look at us. It was clear he'd heard what Jasper said by the look on his face. "I don't think that's such a good idea," I finally said, my eyes still on Edward's.

Jasper grabbed one of the bikinis off the floor and dangled it from his finger. "You weren't saying that last night."

I opened my mouth to respond, but Edward cut me off. "Jay, I've got the deposit on my desk, can you drop it off for me? I'll take Bella home."

Jasper rolled his eyes and turned to look at Edward. "Um, dude, we're talking here." He gestured to me and then turned his back on Edward. "Why can't you do it yourself?"

Edward sighed and his jaw clenched. "Jasper—"

I'd seen them fight before – they usually bickered (as siblings are known to do) –but this seemed different. I decided to interject. "It's cool, Jasper. We can talk about this tomorrow."

Jasper's eyes widened and he threw his hands up all dramatic-like. He tossed the bikini he was holding in my direction. "Fine. Whatever."

He turned to leave, making sure to slam the front door on his way out.

Neither Edward nor I moved at first. We both just kind of stood there and stared at each other. I didn't know who should speak first. I wasn't even sure what this talk would consist of. All I could focus on was the memory of the kiss from that morning and the hope it sparked inside me.

Finally, Edward buried his hands in his pockets, rocking back on his heels. "Come sit with me?"

With a deep, calming breath I nodded, pulled the pile of bikinis to my chest, and followed him. I dropped the bathing suits on the counter as Edward took a seat on the couch.

His eyes followed me as I made my way over to him. I stopped just short of where he'd taken a seat on the old leather sofa, considering where I should sit. On the floor in front of him? Next to him? How close was too close?

Was there a _too close_ now?

In the end, I opted for climbing up on the cushion at his side, knees sinking into the worn leather.

Edward turned to lean against the arm of the couch. His expression was casual, but the tone in his voice was anything but. "So," he said. "Nahuel?"

That threw me, and, too embarrassed to make direct eye contact, I looked at a point just above his shoulder. "I met him last night."

"So it would seem," he said, looking away and staring at a space on the wall. He was so difficult to read. I hadn't considered that we'd be discussing Nahuel when we finally sat down to talk, and he wasn't who I _wanted _to be talking about.

"What happened this morning?" I blurted, determined not to skirt around anything. I needed to know what was going on his head.

Nahuel didn't matter, anyway.

Edward looked back at me, voice sharp and maybe a little accusing. "What happened last night?"

I sat there for a second, shocked not only by the tone of his voice but by his question as well. I threw my hands up in frustration. "Why does _that _matter?"

He sat forward, bringing his face just inches from mine. My lips trembled as his eyes searched mine. "It just does," he said, much softer.

I sighed. "Nothing happened last night," I told him emphatically. "I made some friends. I tried to have a good time. _Someone_ made it difficult." I narrowed my eyes, trying to convey the fact that _he _was that someone.

His shoulders sagged in relief and he let out a sigh of his own. He sat back. "I'm sorry."

"What exactly are you sorry for, Edward? You're still not really telling me anything I want to know."

"I have no idea what I'm doing here, okay?" He covered his face with his hands.

"Obviously I don't either."

A humorless laugh escaped his still hidden lips. "This is ridiculous. You _should _be with someone like Nahuel."

My heart felt like it'd been stabbed by a thousand tiny knives at his words. I shrank back from him. "What if that's not what I want?" I asked, voice shaky and uncertain. He had to understand that I only wanted him, if he'd have me.

He lowered his hands and stared at me. Seconds passed, minutes… maybe even years. I was sure my heart would stop if he didn't say something soon. I was dying.

"What _do _you want?" he asked, turning the tables on me again.

"What do _you _want?" I returned, voice a little higher; a little surer. My stomach clenched as I waited for him to give me an answer. He _had _to say it first.

He had to tell me I wasn't crazy for feeling this way about him.

Edward scooted closer, hand lifting to my cheek as his eyes searched mine. "Something I shouldn't."

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><p><em>I seriously can't even begin to say thank you enough for the response to the last chapter, heck, to this entire story. You all have amazed me and made me cry and laugh and smile so much, and after stressing about everything big and small while I was writing it, to know it works is just… the best reward ever.<br>_  
><strong>Reviews are love.<strong>

Until tomorrow!

**xx**


	19. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer: I own everything but their names.**

* * *

><p><em><strong>July 17, 2001 – Santa Cruz, California<strong>  
><em>_**  
><strong>__"Something I shouldn't."  
><em>  
>Three little words and one look, and the hope inside me bloomed like a flower petal seeking its first rays of sun after a long winter. My heart pounded. I wanted so badly to believe what he'd said was true, that in some weird way, he was actually admitting – without truly saying the words – that he felt the same as me. That he wanted me.<p>

But… if he thought he shouldn't, if he'd already convinced himself it was wrong, that I was wrong…well, what kind of chance did we have?

Really, who could blame him? I was this young, inexperienced girl fresh out of high school. I had barely lived.

And at twenty-six, Edward had lived quite a bit. He'd finished college. Married. Had a beautiful son. Divorced. Lost a parent…

The things in his past didn't matter to me, but I wondered if the lack of things in mine mattered to him.

"Why shouldn't you?" I asked.

Edward laughed dryly. He stood, pacing in front of me as he spoke, hands motioning wildly around him. "Why shouldn't I? Because, Bella… you deserve so much more. Jasper was right. You deserve to be young; have fun. Do the things you want. You don't deserve to be tied down to someone like me, who comes with a ready-made family and almost as much baggage as a seven-thirty-seven."

So, I was right. That annoyed me. "You think I can't handle your baggage?"

He stopped moving. "That's not what I said," he argued. "I'm saying you shouldn't _have _to. And I refuse to ask that of you… no matter how much I might want it."

My chest heaved up and down as I breathed heavily, stomach and heart filled with anticipation. "You know that saying… If you're not willing to go out and get the food, you must not be that hungry?"

He stared at me, eyes focused and bright. He had that feral, raw look about him again; like he was suddenly the hungriest man in the world.

"You have no idea how hungry I am," he said, his voice gruff.

"Prove it, then," I challenged. "I'm _asking _you to prove it. I'm asking you to forget what you _think_ and do what you _want_, because trust me," I stopped speaking and cleared my throat. "I want it, too. So much."

"You don't know what you're asking." He stepped closer and I leaned forward.

"I know exactly what I'm asking."

"I'm scared, Bella," he admitted, turning away from me. "It's been a long time, you know? Since Mak and I split up, shit, before that. We didn't, I mean… we hadn't, in a really long damn time. And after everything, I didn't even _think _about any of this. Women, dating, sex. All of that was the furthest thing from my mind. Lisle was – is – the most important thing in my life. He's what I care about most in this world, and that's never going to change."

It was the most I think I'd ever heard him speak at once, and I hung on every word as he poured his heart and soul and everything else out into the air between us.

"I know that," I said.

He turned back to me. "The day you walked in here was the first time I'd noticed a woman in so long, I'd almost forgotten what it felt like. You were beautiful, and you rambled all cute and then, I saw you with my son. He doesn't warm up to anyone, but he loves you. He loved you that first day…" he sighed. "So, yeah, I'm hungry. I want it. I want you. But I'm scared; I'm scared to death to ask you to take all of this on, because if I do…"

I huffed and narrowed my eyes, angry all of a sudden. He'd said on more than one occasion that we always had choices, and it was up to us what we did with them. He had no right to make this choice for both of us just because he was scared.

"I may be young, Edward, but I'm not a child. Let me make my _own_ choice here. Just like this morning, you can't just shut me off and shut me down without giving me a chance. It's not fair to either of us."

My eyes burned with the threat of tears and everything inside me throbbed. I was a mass of so many emotions. I didn't which to focus on first.

Edward looked down, body language conveying shame. He came closer, lowering himself to the floor in front of me. "I'm sorry I didn't show up this morning. I just… I needed, fuck, I don't know. I needed space. Time. I'd convinced myself that I needed to get over you and forget about what I wanted. I didn't know how you felt… I couldn't picture myself asking you to make a commitment to me."

I reached up and touched his cheek. "What if I want you to, though? Ask me, I mean. What if I want you to ask?"

"I can't," he whispered, voice strained. He closed his eyes and turned his face into my palm. "I can't ask you. You'd have to be all in, Bella. You'd have to _stay_." His eyes opened and he looked at me so seriously.

I understood what he meant, though. If I agreed, I would be giving up everything. I'd stay here. With him. With Lisle.

I'd be trading in my dreams for a chance at loving him.

"You have to understand that I can't let you into mine and my son's life unless I know for sure that you're not going to disappear on us. I've been through that before, and I… I can't go through it again. I just… can't."

The ache in my chest grew because I knew he'd been hurt before, and the last thing I ever wanted to do was do the same. I would have promised him the world if I had it to give. There was no question for me; I didn't care about the consequences of the choice I was making, I only thought of getting what I wanted.

I was going to be there for the next four years anyway, so why not spend them with Edward?

"I'm not going anywhere," I said, and at that moment, I meant it.

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><p><strong>First I have to say that I apologize for being absolute fail at review replies yesterday. I opted to spend some time writing last night, and well, let's just say I fell asleep much earlier than planned. Please know that I read and cherish every single one, and that I am grateful to all of you. <strong>

_Thank you for reading, I will do my best to catch up tonight!_

**Reviews are love.**

_Until tomorrow!_

**xx**


	20. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer: I own everything but their names.**

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><p><strong><em>July 17, 2001 – Santa Cruz, California<em>**

The assurance I'd offered, that I wasn't going anywhere, seemed to set Edward off. Like someone removing all the rocks from a dam so water could flow freely toward its destination, something inside him sprang free, too. He removed the mask he'd been wearing that clouded the want and desire he held for me on the inside. And, oh my god, was the hidden portion freaking beautiful.

Leaning forward, he kissed me roughly, pushing himself up and over until we were a tangled mess of limbs and lips on top of that old sofa in the back of his shop.

The leather beneath us creaked and groaned as we moved. The blue lights of a neon sign that hung on the wall above us cast a shadow of Edward's red tinged cheeks and hooded eyes as he pressed smiling kisses into my chin, my lips and then the tip of my nose. All I could do was smile back and wrap my hands tightly in the material of his shirt.

My heart pounded against his chest, like it wanted to be let out so it could touch him, too. His hands roamed: my thighs; my hips; slipping just beneath the material of my shirt…touching just enough to remind me that this time, he wasn't just a dream.

All of that had really happened. Edward wanted me. He had _always _wanted me. And I had just made a decision to sacrifice all the things I'd pictured for my future to be with him.

With that thought, something inside me seized, fear squeezing my chest as my mind filled with doubts and fears. I'd just given up all of that, but what if he decided I wasn't good enough? What if he got bored and pushed me away again? How was this going to work? Was I his girlfriend now? How were we going to tell the people we knew? _Were_we going to tell them?

I needed answers; I needed things to be clearer before we moved forward. I might have been young, but as I'd told Edward, I wasn't a child. I wasn't stupid. It scared me to think that at any second he could just change his mind and decide I wasn't worth the effort. If he was going to make me promise him that I would stay, he had to reciprocate on a few points in return.

I pushed against Edward's chest, sucking in a few short breaths. My lips tasted like him. My nose was full of that ocean water perfection that he wore like a badge of honor.

Edward froze, pulling his upper body away from mine as he stared down at me with fear in his eyes. He breathed roughly, lifting one of his hands to my cheek. "What is it, beautiful?"

A blush colored my face at the nickname he'd used, and I looked away. I suddenly felt all awkward and out of place. Edward's fingers skimmed across my cheek soothingly.

"I just…" I huffed, frustrated with myself. I'd been so brave just minutes before, and now I was having trouble telling him what exactly I'd been thinking. "God, this is awkward, but I have to ask… I have to know. What happens now?"

He sat back on his knees, pulling my body with him until I was perched atop his thighs. After some very crafty wiggling and lifting, he'd stretched his legs out beneath me. In that position, I felt a little nervous (and a whole lot vulnerable), but I forced myself to stay still as I waited for him to answer my question.

He ran his fingers through his hair. "I don't know," he answered honestly. "I— told you, it's been a while since I was in a relationship." He attempted a smile.

At his mention of the word 'relationship' I was pretty sure my heart jumped out of my chest. "Is that what this is?" I asked. "A relationship?"

Edward bit his lip, moving his hands until his fingers traced the tops of my thighs. He looked nervous and vulnerable all of a sudden as well, and something in that look made me feel better. He was older, yes, but right now we were equals.

He peeked at me from beneath his lashes, whispering, "Is that what you want it to be?"

I covered my hands with his, stopping his movement, and laughed a little. "You haven't figured that out yet?"

"Yeah?" He smiled, and I swear the room lit up.

I was fighting a mega-watt-smile of my own. "Yeah."

He slid his fingers around the sides of my legs, resting them between where thigh met calf and gripped tightly. "No more Nahuel, then?"

Oh, goodness, not this again. Narrowing my eyes, I pursed my lips. "I guess not," I said with a sigh.

"You're not funny."

"I'm very funny, ask anyone."

His eyebrows lifted and he gave me this look that clearly said he wasn't kidding; he wanted some kind of confirmation that Nahuel wasn't even on my radar, and that I was serious about _everything _I'd said.

Scooting forward, I kissed him softly. "You don't have to worry."

He pulled back and looked at me with pain in his eyes. "I've heard that before and it was a lie. You'll have to forgive me if I'm a little uneasy."

My heart hurt for him. "Does that mean she—"

"Yes, but can we just… be done with the heavy stuff for a little bit? I'd like to enjoy this."

There were still questions I had, and it made me anxious to think of not having all the answers right then, but the look in his eyes told me it wasn't the best time to push. Plus, I wanted to enjoy it, too.

"What would you like to talk about, then?" I asked.

Edward tapped his chin in thought and then grinned. "What's your favorite color?"

I couldn't help it, I giggled. That hadn't been at all what I was expecting. "Seriously?"

He lifted one shoulder. "Humor me."

"Okay, fine. My favorite color is red."

His eyes smoldered and my insides tingled. "Feisty. It suits you." He leaned forward and kissed me again.

"And yours?" I asked against his mouth, playing along with his little game.

"If I answer, you have to promise you're not gonna laugh."

"I promise," I said. Edward narrowed his eyes like he didn't believe. "Come on," I begged. "What is it?"

His eyes danced between each of mine and I held my breath. He reached up and twirled a piece of my hair around his finger. "Purple."

I bit my lower lip to keep from giggling, but it was too difficult. _Purple?_I would have expected something manly, like blue or green or black… but definitely not purple. Then I thought back to our day on the beach, and how he'd chosen the purple crayon from the little cup when we were having dinner at the pizzeria.

It struck me as odd then, but I hadn't thought anything of it. Now it made sense.

"Hey, you promised you weren't gonna laugh!" he said, already laughing himself.

"I'm sorry," I wheezed out between giggles. "Purple, though? Why?"

Edward shrugged. "I don't know, I've just always liked it… especially recently."

"Why recently?"

He leaned in, burying his nose in my hair and inhaling. "Because you look _really_ good in purple."

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><p><strong>Maaaaan, yesterday's chapter really has you guys fearing the worst! I'd like to be able to put your mind at ease, but since I can't do that without giving away too much, I will say that this is the halfway point, and we still have a lot left to go with these two. Truly, this is just the beginning for them. ;)<strong>

_I would like to say a huge thank you to each and every one of you that reads, reviews, tweets and everything else. Seriously, it never fails to surprise me when a story of mine is liked by one person, let alone this many. I am completely overwhelmed and absolutely floored by your kind words and love, and I'm doing my best to catch up on replies, but it's going to take me a few days, so for that I apologize._

**Reviews are love.**

_Until tomorrow!_

**xx**


	21. Chapter 21

**Disclaimer: I own everything but their names.**

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><p><strong><em>July 20, 2001 – Santa Cruz, California<em>**

Over the next few days, it seemed as if Edward and I had reached some sort of unspoken agreement. We were still getting to know each other and weren't ready to discuss what was going on between us with outsiders, especially when we weren't sure yet what it was… what it could be.

So, we stayed quiet. We had a secret that nobody else knew, and while it was thrilling, it was also very difficult. I had to fight the urge to touch him or to smile and lean up on my toes and kiss his perfect lips when we were at work.

While he was known to stay hidden most of the time, Edward seemed to become a much more visible fixture at the shop. Running a register, watching surfing vids with the guys, "checking stock" – there were all sorts of new excuses he employed to come up front now.

What was even more mind-blowing to me was that it seemed he was having trouble, too. He'd give me these quick looks that just… made my freaking heart pound, and these touches that, to anyone else, looked innocent: a brush of his hand over mine, a single fingertip pressed into the small of my back as he passed. All were tiny reminders that he was there and thinking of me.

It all made me crazy.

When we were alone, though…_wow_. He'd give me these kisses that made every single part of my body warm, and he wasn't shy about putting his hands in less-than-innocent places. The way he touched me, like he knew exactly how I wanted it and when… it all felt new and wonderful and amazing. Especially when I compared it to previous interactions with boys my own age.

Edward was older, much more experienced, and I had little doubt that he knew _exactly _how to please a woman.

Just like with everything else that changed, surfing with him seemed to turn into _more_. He didn't hesitate to put his hands wherever he wanted, and I didn't complain when he used correcting my position as an excuse to get closer just so he could put his lips on my neck or whisper in my ear.

It was clear (to me at least) that we weren't the same two people who'd been in the water together just days before. We were quickly becoming an… us. Learning each other. As he opened up, I began to see how well we balanced each other. He was give where I was take, and I was hard where he was soft. He was always easygoing where I'd always been known to be a little difficult. It was pretty perfect.

I smiled at the thought, falling to the sand as I tried to catch my breath. The sun was high in the sky that morning, warming the cold water clinging to my skin. The waves had been coming easier and easier, and every time felt better than the last. I couldn't have been happier that not only had Edward offered me himself, but that he'd shared his passion for the ocean with me, too. He'd given me the push I needed to discover how much I could love something.

Edward was right behind me, shaking water from his hair before he dropped down at my side.

"It just gets better and better every time," I said, grinning at him.

He leaned over, caging my body in his arms and forcing me to lie back. He kissed me all soft and slow, and if I thought I'd had trouble breathing before… well. "Mmm, yes it does."

His lips moved to my neck and I turned my face into his cheek, laughing. "That is _not _what I'm talking about, and you know it."

"Shh. Stop trying to kill my ego, woman," he mumbled with a sigh, pulling back to look at me. "In my head that's always what you're talking about."

"Whatever you say," I laughed. On the inside, I was doing a little fist-pump. I liked that he thought of me in _that _way.

He pulled away with a scowl. "What are you doing tonight?"

"I have a date with my boyfriend, Rico."

"You're still not funny."

I laughed. "I'm not doing anything. Why do you ask?"

Edward suddenly looked all nervous, and his cheeks were pinker than usual. "L has been begging me for weeks to take him to the Boardwalk, and, well… I keep putting it off. He's too little to go on a lot of the rides, but he likes to play games over at Neptune's and I just thought maybe—"

"Is this your way of asking me on a date?" I interrupted, teasing him as I grinned so big on the inside, because, well… he was asking me on a date! If I had a girlfriend to call at that moment so I could brag, I probably would have done it.

He smirked, standing up to unstrap his board. "Only if that's your way of saying yes."

I hesitated. Of course I wanted to go with them, but I worried what it would mean for the whole 'keeping us a secret' plan. People would wonder. They'd ask questions. Did he want them to ask questions? Did I?

"Bella?" Edward called my name, bringing my attention back to him. "You don't have to do anything—"

I cut him off again. "No, no… I would love to come," I said honestly, not voicing my worries about what could come from us being seen in public together. We'd done it before. But on the Fourth, we weren't a couple; we weren't hiding something huge from everyone we knew. Could I really spend the entire night so close to him without being able to offer any affection?

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"Yes, of course," I replied, admiring his profile in the early morning sun.

"I'm heading up, you coming?"

I nodded, moving to stand. "I'll be right behind you."

By the time I reached the showers at the top of the beach, Edward was already there and stepping beneath the freshwater spray. I stopped, transfixed on the sight of him as he unzipped his wetsuit and began to peel it from his upper half. He bent forward, pulling the material from his legs and offering me a perfect view of his thin, muscular back glistening with wetness. He was so beautiful it literally took my breath away.

I just stood there dumbly, staring, until Edward's eyes opened and he saw me watching him. He crooked his finger at me to join him. Who was I to argue when he made it so tempting?

I walked toward him, reaching back to unzip my own wetsuit. Edward's hands lifted into his hair and he watched me as I stripped down to the bikini I had on under my suit. The weight of his eyes on me burned into my skin.

When I reached him, he pulled me close and he wrapped his arms around me. I shivered as the cold water poked at my skin and pressed a kiss against his chest. He trembled as his fingers shifted; trailing until he'd hooked them into the strings resting low on my hips.

He buried his face in my neck and I felt his lips curl into a smile against my skin. "You don't have to come if you don't want to, you know."

"I want to," I said, and he pulled back to look at me. "It's just that, I don't know. We haven't really talked about how we're going to handle other people knowing about this. Won't people ask questions? Won't they wonder what's going on?"

He shrugged, the picture of calm. "So what if they do? It's not like I'm going trying to get you naked on the Wave Jammer or anything."

"I know that," I sighed.

"Then don't worry, okay?"

Even though the fear in my chest hadn't quite disappeared, I nodded.

Later that afternoon, Edward took off to pick up Lisle from Makenna, leaving Jasper and I to handle the shop alone (as usual, Paul was elsewhere). When he returned, Lisle was everywhere, a little pinball pinging this way and that. I could tell by the look in his eyes that Edward was nearing the end of his rope and I began to doubt even more whether this was a good idea.

Sensing my worry, Edward tried to reassure me. "He just needs to get some of this energy out, then he'll be cool."

I laughed lightly, watching Lisle bounce around. He danced on the balls of his feet and tugged Edward's hand. "Dada, let's go! All da rides gonna be cwosed!"

Edward shook his head. "No they aren't, I promise. We have to wait for Bella; don't you want her to come with us?"

Lisle's face lit up. "Of course!"

My heart picked up speed as I realized that Jasper had heard everything Edward said. I waited for the other shoe to drop right then, for Jasper to at least ask the questions I expected… but he didn't. Deciding the faster we got out of there, the less chance there was of that happening, I stepped around the corner and started for the break room.

"I'll be right back; I just need to grab my stuff."

Edward nodded as Lisle cheered.

When I came back out, Lisle held out his free hand for mine and sent a beaming smile up to me. "I so glad you coming wif us, Bella!" he said excitedly. His L's always sounded much more like W's than anything else. It was adorable.

"I'm glad too, little dude. You ready to go have some fun?"

"Yep!" he shouted, pulling us toward the door.

"You'll be cool to close by yourself, right J?" Edward asked.

Jasper looked between us and then nodded, saying nothing.

I looked down, avoiding his eyes as guilt surged through me. Of all people, both of us should have been able to trust Jasper with our secret. But he wasn't my brother, and it wasn't up to me. I still felt bad for deceiving him, though.

I did my best to shake off the feelings of guilt as we made our way across the street. Edward purchased tickets, and Lisle bounced between us as we waited in line to ride everything the little guy was tall enough to ride. Of course, I couldn't help but to blush when we passed the Wave Jammer and Edward sent a wink over at me.

Eventually, we made our way down the Boardwalk toward Neptune's Kingdom. I'd only been inside once, on the day I first met both of them, and the kid in me was excited by the huge arcade. It was filled, wall to wall, with every video game imaginable. They even had a snack bar, mini golf and laser tag.

Tokens in hand, we headed in the direction of the Lisle sized games. He ran a little ahead of us, taking in his options.

When he found one he liked, his eyes glowed a bright green and his smile was infectiously huge. "Play dis one, Dada?"

"Sure, buddy." Edward crouched down and fed some tokens into the bright orange machine. We stood behind him, giggling as Lisle's tongue poked out of his mouth in concentration and he banged on the buttons.

Edward leaned over, his hand brushing my arm just before he twirled his pinky finger around mine. "Are you having fun?" he whispered.

I squeezed his finger and smiled up at him. "Yes."

"Me too." He smiled, eyes dancing around us before he leaned down and kissed me quickly on the lips. "But I have to admit, it's torture not being able to do that whenever I want."

My belly filled with the good kind of butterflies and I was thankful when Lisle interrupted to pull us to another game. Jumping Edward in the middle of the arcade surely wouldn't have been good for keeping us under the radar.

When it felt like Lisle had played every game imaginable, he surprised Edward and me by tugging us toward one of those cheesy little photo booths found in most arcades.

"Where are we going, Baby Boy?" Edward asked.

"Picture!" Lisle pointed at the machine.

Edward looked a little nervous at his son's request, peeking over at me to see my reaction. I smiled and nodded to reassure him that it was fine with me before pulling Lisle over to stand in front of it.

The two of us waited as Edward slid some money into the machine and then, after some careful maneuvering, the three of us managed to squeeze ourselves into the tiny booth and get the curtain closed. Edward had pulled me to sit sideways across his lap, wrapping his hands around my hips and holding me there as I bent forward and pulled Lisle to sit with us.

He wiggled and laughed his cute little giggle and Edward and I laughed right along with him. When the flashes started going off, it was comical as we watched Lisle's face shift from confused to smiling in a matter of seconds. Then he turned to me and reached up to kiss my cheek, so of course Edward copied him. That one was my favorite. Followed closely by the one of Lisle with his finger pretty much buried in Edward's nose.

We made our way back up the Boardwalk slowly, enjoying the cool evening breeze. The sky above us was dark, glowing brighter with the help of the moon. The gentle swish of the ocean broke through the sounds of the kids and families still enjoying the rides and games around us. It was the best date I'd ever been on, and it wasn't because of what we did or where we were… it was because of who I was with.

I knew then that those boys had both taken a hold of my heart and weren't likely to let go any time soon.

Lisle was snoring softly by the time Edward pulled up in front of my house that night.

A few moments of awkward silence passed as we stared at each other, all caught up in the goofy-glow of the awkward end-of-the-first-date moment we found ourselves in.

"I really want to kiss you right now, but from what I hear, your dad carries a gun," Edward finally said.

I giggled, thankful for his ability to always break the tension. "That he does."

Still smiling, I reached over and traced my fingers across the top of his hand on the gearshift. He flipped his hand over and linked his fingers with mine. My heart still did somersaults whenever he touched me.

"So I guess this is goodnight?" he whispered, voice low.

"I guess so," I whispered.

"Next time it'll just be us. I promise."

My smile grew with the thought of next time. "I like the sound of that."

"Me too," he said. "Goodnight, Bella."

"'Night, Edward."

I opened the door, still smiling goofily up at him as I hopped out of the Jeep.

"Oh ,wait!" Edward said as I moved to close the door. Stopping, I looked back at him curiously as he reached into his back pocket and pulled out the tiny strip of pictures from earlier. He tore it in half, handing the bottom two (my favorites) over to me.

My heart swelled and I grinned all the way to my room, sliding the pictures of us into the corner of a frame on my bedside table so they'd be the first thing I saw when I woke up the next morning.

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><p><strong>Sorry this wasn't up earlier, last night was a late one, obvs. LOL! I'm still not fully functional yet.<br>**

_Thank you so much for reading!_

**Reviews are love.**

_Until tomorrow._

**xx**


	22. Chapter 22

**Disclaimer: I own everything but their names.**

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><p><strong><em>July 23, 2001 – Santa Cruz, California<em>**

"Bella? Can I see you in my office for a minute please?" Edward was at the cash register looking through receipts – which he did a lot more of lately – and I worried that I'd messed up some transaction.

We hadn't seen each other since Friday night and the weekend had seemed extra long because of it. It was silly, especially when I'd gone longer periods of time without seeing him, but since the moment I knew he was into me, too, I wanted to be around him all the time.

And I couldn't help wondering if time away might have made him rethink things…

I wasn't sure how to answer, so I nodded mutely and followed him, worrying slightly over what he might want. A lot could happen in two days.

As soon as the door to his office closed behind us, he had me pressed against it, lips hot on mine as his hands roamed my waist. He breathed heavily into my mouth, kissing me with the kind of passion that sent tingles right down to my toes.

"What was _that _for?" I asked as he pulled back and rested his forehead against mine.

He chuckled quietly and squeezed my waist. "I'm sorry… I just— needed. I don't know. I haven't seen you in two days and I wanted to do that so badly Friday night, but I couldn't and I just needed to kiss you."

I blushed so hard I was sure the whole room turned pink. "Yeah?"

He kissed me again, softer, and hummed against my lips. "Yeah."

"I missed you, too."

His lips shifted into a smile. "Come over tonight."

"I can't… I'm supposed to have dinner with my dad."

His face fell. "After? Can you get away after?"

I sighed – now that the proposal was on the table, I really wanted to say yes. "I don't know. I've barely seen him the past few weeks. I mean, he works a lot, but I just think he might be starting to wonder what's going on with me. I don't know what to tell him."

Edward let go of me and stepped back, his expression telling me that he was working out what he would say next in his head. "What do you want to tell him?" he asked.

"Right now? Nothing," I replied honestly. "There's nothing I _can _tell him. If he finds out about this… about you… I don't know if it will go well."

He grimaced. "You think?"

I nodded and the look of hurt that passed across Edward's face made my chest ache. He stepped back, falling heavily into his office chair and burying his hands in his hair as he stared at the floor. "We shouldn't be doing this."

My heart sunk, my eyes burned with tears and I had to step back from the force of how much what he'd said hurt me. I'd thought we were over the doubts, but apparently not. And _that_ just pissed me off.

"Maybe we shouldn't," I said angrily, trying to keep my voice steady. We had talked about this and after everything he'd asked for from me, he had to stop doubting that I wanted him. "I care about you, Edward. But I can't keep doing this if you're going to question me at every turn. I just… can't."

"I care about you too, but…" He cut himself off and shook his head. "Nevermind."

"But?" I prompted. "You can't just say things like that."

He looked up at me with soft eyes. "I just hate the position this puts you in."

My anger softened. "I put myself in this position, so leave it up to me to handle it, okay?"

"I'm sorry," he said, standing and coming over to wrap his arms around me.

"I'm sorry, too. Just let me handle Charlie."

He smiled at me shyly, leaning forward and kissing me quickly on the lips. "Okay."

That night, Charlie picked me up from work and we walked over to have dinner on the Wharf. He told me all about his new job, including the fact that they wanted him to start working overnights. I pretended not to be thrilled with this news…

Honestly, it was nice spending time with him. Even though we were both pretty independent people, we'd barely seen each other since moving to California and I missed him. He'd always been the only solid, stable thing in my life. I never wanted that to change. I was, and hoped I always would be a daddy's girl.

"How's work going, kiddo?" Charlie asked before sipping his beer.

I bit my lip in contemplation, scared I'd reveal too much. "It's pretty good, the guys are great. I'm learning a lot. I really love it."

Charlie grumbled a bit at the mention of the guys, muttering under his breath. He still thought of me as his little girl, which was part of the reason I'd been so adamant with Edward that it'd probably take some time before he was ever okay with our relationship.

"That boy still insisting on you learning to surf?"

I rolled my eyes. "He's not a boy, Dad."

"Whatever."

"And to answer your question, he _did_ teach me to surf." I grinned as his face registered shock.

He clutched as his chest. "Oh great. How many trips to the ER have I missed?" he asked, looking truly frightened.

I laughed. "None! I'm actually pretty good at it if I do say so myself."

He finished chewing and smiled at me. He looked proud. "That's great, Bells. I'm really glad you found something you like doing; just be careful. I worry about you. I'm sorry I haven't been around very much."

I reached across the table and squeezed his hand. "You never have to worry about me. I know how to take care of myself. And I understand."

"I know that, but still. Be careful."

"Yes, Daddy," I said, grinning.

His nostrils flared above his bushy mustache. "You're not too old for me to ground you, you know."

I laughed. "I missed you."

"I missed you too, kid."

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><p><strong>Hope you're all having a great weekend!<strong>

_Thank you for reading._

**Reviews are love.**

_Until later...  
><em>

**xx**


	23. Chapter 23

**Disclaimer: I own everything but their names.**

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><p><strong><em>July 24, 2001 – Santa Cruz, California<em>**

"I'm so glad you decided to come."

"Me too," I said, smiling over at him.

After discovering that Charlie would be working nights for the foreseeable future, I'd shared this little tidbit with Edward. He couldn't have been happier, and had stepped up his efforts in getting me to agree to come home with him.

His persistence paid off: I'd finally agreed.

Edward hopped out of the Jeep and came around to open my door. My stomach was full of butterflies and my hands hadn't stopped shaking all day; I smoothed my shirt one last time and did a quick visual check to make sure everything looked in order before he was at my door. He grabbed my hand and pulled me along after him toward the door.

He reminded me of Lisle, all pinball pinging excited – it made me feel better to see that my being here affected him, too.

His house was secluded, set back far from the road and covered on all sides by these huge sequoia trees. There was so much green it felt like I was back in Forks.

Edward watched me as I looked around. "It was my dad's," he explained. "I kind of moved in here with him after the divorce and, well…" he trailed off.

I understood what he wasn't saying: he'd been living there with his father when he passed away.

I squeezed his hand. "It's really beautiful. Reminds me a little bit of Washington."

"It's old, and it needs a ton of work, but Jasper and I grew up here. I can't see letting it go, you know?"

"Wait," I stopped, my heart beating a little faster. Why hadn't I thought about Jasper? "Is your brother here?"

Edward looked at me in confusion. "No, he's at his house."

"He doesn't live with you?"

"Uh, no. He lives with Esme."

I stared at him blankly.

"Jasper and I are half-brothers."

"How did I not know that?"

"I don't know?"

"Where is your mom?"

"She lives in New York." He cocked his head to the side. "Speaking of… where's _your _mom?"

"I think she lives in Florida now, we don't really talk." I shrugged. "It's better that way, trust me. She's kind of dingy."

He laughed and pushed open the front door. "That's not a nice thing to say about your mother."

Yeah, well, it wasn't nice of her to leave me alone with my father when I was two years old. I really didn't like talking about her… ever. She hadn't been a part of my life, and I had no plans to change that any time soon. "It's the truth."

He gave me one last look that said he hadn't bought my diversionary tactics, and then threw his keys down on to a table beside the door. I looked away and tried to keep my face from showing the anger the subject of my mom usually brought out in me.

I squeezed his hand and forced a smile. "Tell me about this place."

He smiled in return and nodded his head, understanding that I didn't want to talk about me or my mother.

"There are like, six bedrooms. Two down here and four upstairs. I stay down here with Lisle because I can be right across the hall in case he needs anything." He pointed toward a hall in front of us at the two doors that faced each other. "Bathroom's over there… and this is the kitchen."

We walked in and Edward released me, heading to the fridge. He grabbed two bottles of water and held them up for approval. I nodded.

"I'm going to call and order the pizza, pepperoni good for you?" he asked, grabbing the cordless phone off the counter.

I fluttered my eyelashes and crossed my hands over my heart. "Oh, you charmer. Pulling out the big guns! I thought you were making me dinner, not ordering it," I teased.

He narrowed his eyes. "You do actually want to eat, right?"

I laughed and waved him off, turning to explore the rest of the house as he made the phone call.

The first floor was mostly one big room. Windows all along the back showed a very overgrown back yard with a swingset that looked like it'd seen better days. There was a pool table in one corner, a few couches in the other. Old book cases built into the wood paneled walls were full to the brim with books both large and small. Below me, the floor was covered with bright green carpet that definitely needed updating, but the whole place looked so comfortable. It wasn't fancy or overdone; it was homey and laid back.

It suited Edward.

I decided to explore upstairs while Edward spoke on the phone. With a quick glance over my shoulder, I darted up and then turned right, opening the first door I came to. It had the same green carpet and wood walls, but they were mostly covered by posters featuring bikini glad girls and surf paraphernalia. One wall held a sign that read: _Harbor High, Class of 1993 Baseball_.

So this was Edward's room…

There was a twin bed pressed against the opposite wall, blue comforter tucked tightly into the sides. The bedside tables that hugged it on each side were cluttered. A baseball, a few surf magazines and three pennies were littered across the surface. I grinned, walking closer to the tiny bed and picking up one of the magazines as I sat down.

I hadn't made it more than two pages before I heard Edward's footsteps on the stairs. My insides danced a little. I _was_ sitting on his bed…

"What are you doing?" Edward asked. I looked up at him leaning against the door frame and he smiled softly. He'd taken off his shoes and changed his shirt.

"Snooping." I shrugged, looking back down at the magazine.

I heard him come closer and felt the bed jiggle when he sat down next to me. He leaned in close, looking at the magazine over my shoulder. He smelled so good.

"Find anything interesting?" he asked, reaching up to tuck a piece of hair behind my ear.

I breathed in and out to calm myself down. He was _so_ close. The heat of his arm against mine was warm in the best sort of way. I swallowed nervously and turned to look at him. "Not yet, but I just got started."

He hummed and scooted back, stretching his legs out in front of him as he leaned against the wall. "Pizza should be here soon."

I closed the magazine and placed it back where I'd found it, turning to look at him fully. "'Kay."

He was watching me. I saw his Adam's apple bop up, then down, like maybe he was nervous.

"Would you like to continue snooping, or did you want to do something else until the pizza gets here?" He smiled.

"I'm not sure," I said, bending my knee to lift one of my legs up under me. "Do you have anything interesting I might find hidden in here?"

Edward shook his head. "You're the most interesting thing in here right now."

I blushed and looked down, tracing a finger of the blue material beneath us. "Stop that."

He laughed deeply. "I'm serious! I've never had a girl in my room before."

Yeah, right. I didn't know if I believed him on that or not. He was pretty much gorgeous, and I doubted it was a new development for him. Different mothers or not, Jasper favored him at some angles; he was my age and a hottie already. But, then again…if it was the truth, it made me feel somehow special.

And now he was smirking. Ugh. I really hoped he wasn't pulling my leg.

I scowled at him and moved to stand, but he caught me by the wrist before I could get far. My body turned and he pulled me forward until I was standing between his legs. My hands settled on his shoulders as he looked up at me.

My nerves skyrocketed as his hands slid around my waist and it dawned on me where we were. In his bedroom. On his bed. It wasn't like I'd never been alone with a guy before, but I imagined the fumbling makeouts and sloppy sex I'd shared with Riley during junior year back in Forks would be much different than doing those same things with Edward.

"Where are you going?" he whispered.

"I think Jasper's room might have cooler things for me to see," I joked, pulling back a little as if I was going to leave. We both knew I wasn't, but Edward's hands tightened on me anyway. I hoped he understood that it was easier to make jokes than to think of actually being in a bed with him. Not that I didn't want to be, of course. I did. I most definitely did.

But once we were there… how far would it go? Was I ready for that? Was he? I knew Edward had been hurt in the past, and that he was hesitant to be in a relationship again for a long time after his divorce. I didn't want to rush into things that we may not have been ready for.

I breathed in shakily, and by the movement I felt in Edward's shoulders, he did too. I let him pull me forward again as he leaned back. "Come here," he said quietly, turning to stretch out on the bed completely.

Slowly, I placed one knee and then the other up on the bed, sitting back on my feet to look down at him. I was still a little – okay, a lot – nervous. "Come where?" I asked.

Edward turned on his side and stared up at me with an amused smile on his face. "I won't hurt you, you know," he said.

"I know that," I told him. "I'm just… a little nervous."

"So am I," he responded, his voice a little shaky.

Hearing confirmation of my earlier assumptions relaxed me a little: this was essentially all new for him, too.

Edward grabbed my hand again, tugging me forward until I was next to him. I turned on my side, facing him as he wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me closer. His eyes were on mine as his hand ran a path up and down my back, stopping just at the edge of my shorts before it went back up again.

"Hi," he whispered, a small smile on his face.

I giggled. "Hi."

"Can I kiss you?"

"Oh, now you're aski—"

His lips cut me off and his hand finally went south as the tips of his fingers trailed across the bare skin at the back of my thigh. A hum built in my throat as his lips skimmed mine and he laughed a little. "Not asking anymore," he said.

_Well, okay then,_I thought.

His eyes twinkled and anticipation danced in my belly. It most certainly wasn't the first time we'd kissed, not by a long shot. It also wasn't the first time we'd been so close to one another. But the possibility that it could go further than it ever had before made everything seem that much more exciting… and maybe a little frightening too.

I lifted one of my arms under his and pushed my fingers beneath his shirt, feeling the bare skin there. The muscles in his back fluttered under my fingers and he scooted even closer, pushing me more fully on my back. The bed creaked below us as he shifted, hovering over me with his weight supported on his free hand. One of his legs slid between mine and he pulled me under him. Then his lips were back on mine, stronger this time.

My hand on his back tightened into a fist as I kissed him back, imagining just how far he would take this. His lips pulled at mine and his hand returned to my bare leg, fingers inching just below the hem that rested on my thigh. I shivered as his fingers slid higher. His hands were rough against my skin and the tickle of his fingers brought goosebumps to the surface.

It wasn't long before I'd pushed both of my hands inside his shirt and his hips were between my legs. I could feel every single inch of him: his shoulders, broad and strong and flexing with every movement he made; his back, the muscles there, how they danced in harmony with each other, like the flex of one set off the shift of all the others; his legs, lean and long and pressing steadily against the footboard, making it groan; his chest pressing against mine.

What I noticed most was that he wasn't just hard where my fingers were touching, he was hard _everywhere_. Especially in the most important place. The spot that was all him… the spot that told me I was making him feel as good as he was making me feel.

My insides tingled as Edward pushed into me again. His tongue stilled in my mouth and he breathed heavily against my lips, opening his eyes to meet mine. I moaned and his answering sound was somewhere between a grunt and my name. I wasn't sure. The next time, he used the footboard for leverage, slow but firm as he rocked himself forward and back. Like he knew exactly what he was doing to me.

God, it felt _so_ good.

My insides tingled as he continued at that pace, slow and hard all at once. He pressed against that spot with every shift of his body, and mine lifted to meet him. The first time I did it, a look of shock passed over his face and his eyes popped open. I smiled and bit my lip as he lifted his upper body away from mine.

"What's wrong?" I asked, scared that I did something wrong.

He looked at me, green eyes soft and full of what I hoped was more than lust. He shook his head. "Nothing," he panted. "Nothing's wrong."

Edward's hips rolled again, and his breath was hot against my skin as he kissed my chin and then lower. My hands lifted to his hair as he kept moving, pulling the strands lightly as I ran my fingers through it. I clenched my eyes closed and breathed heavily. He fit so perfectly between my legs. I suddenly wasn't so nervous anymore when he slid away and lifted my shirt.

I looked down just as his lips met with the bare skin of my stomach. "Can I see you?" he asked. "I want to see you…"

I could only nod.

I lifted and helped him as he pulled my shirt up and over my head, laughing with him when it got caught on my ponytail. My shirt hit the floor with a quiet swish, and I looked down at it, lying there. I was afraid to look in his eyes, scared he'd be somehow disappointed. I was so much younger than the women he'd been with before.

Maybe I didn't measure up to the woman he'd once pledged his life to. I hadn't been around when his ex had dropped off Lisle, but if she looked anything like the bikini-clad babes that dotted the wall around us…

"Don't do that," he said. I looked up, feeling vulnerable and unworthy. He touched my cheek and then pulled away, lifting his own shirt. Like he was offering himself up, too. He tossed it on the floor with mine and I swallowed nervously as I took in his bare skin. I'd seen it all before, but he still took my breath away. He was perfect.

With his eyes on mine, Edward crawled toward me, pushing me back against the bed and hovering over me again. His gaze moved a path across my rapidly rising and falling chest and his finger followed. I clenched the material of the comforter in my hands.

He moved his lips to my ear and pulled my legs back around his hips. "Did you know you're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen?"

I fought the urge to argue with him, and then he started kissing me again so I couldn't.

From there it was all lips, and hands, and his warm skin on mine. The small smattering of chest hair rubbed against me, creating a delicious tickle against the tops of my breasts. The way his lower half rubbed against mine created a really, _really_ nice tickle down below. I was breathing heavy and I couldn't hold on tight enough.

Somewhere along the way, I began to believe him. I wasn't perfect, but even I knew I wasn't a troll. And the way he touched and kissed and made me feel so good, all while whispering words about how good I made him feel and how much he wanted me, made my fears disappear.

In the heat of the moment, I just wanted his clothes off. I wanted all of mine off. I wanted him closer, closer, closer. And it seemed like he felt the same way.

"God," he breathed. "You…"

A moan followed and his hips stilled against mine. I pushed against him harder and felt the tickle grow and bloom and I moaned as pleasure came over every part of me.

When he pulled away his smile was so big, and I knew mine matched. He kissed me quickly a few times and fell to the side, putting his hand on his chest. I closed my eyes as a smile crawled up my cheeks and tried to catch my breath.

One of his hands settled against my bare skin and I felt his lips on my arm. I opened my eyes and turned to look at him. The smile was still there in every part of his face. His cheeks were flushed and his lips were swollen and his eyes were brighter than I'd ever seen them before.

He looked like I felt: happy.

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><p><strong>Soooo… yeah. This was the longest chapter yet. And I hope you enjoyed it. I've got a busy day tomorrow and I don't know when I'll be able to update again, so I'm giving you this a little bit early.<strong>

_Thank you all so much for reading and reviewing and tweeting and everything. Best. Readers. Ever. Hands down._

**Reviews are love.**

_Until next time!_

**xx**


	24. Chapter 24

**Disclaimer: I own everything but their names.**

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><p><strong><em>July 30, 2001 – Santa Cruz, California<em>**

The evening I spent at Edward's house seemed to start a pattern of sorts. Every chance we had, except for weekends (those belonged to Lisle and I refused to infringe on the time Edward got to spend with him), we were together.

During the week we spent our mornings in the water surfing, kissing, and laughing, and forgetting everything else except for the two of us. I was getting better and better, and it was more likely to see me riding a wave than eating one.

After the sun rose, we would go to work together and I'd spend my day counting the hours until the end of the night when I went home with him. I knew we were moving fast, but you know what they say: time flies when you're having fun.

I was having the most amazing summer of my life with, someone I was convinced was the most amazing man.

Those early days were innocent though; beyond the making out we'd been doing, he hadn't tried to take it any further. I was mostly okay with that. What we were building was great and I was content just to be around him.

I learned a lot, not the least of which was the fact that he was a big faker. He actually _could _cook. Rather well, too.

"And you made me eat pizza last week _why_?" I teased, watching his hands move briskly across the cutting board.

Edward hesitated, dropping his knife and walking to the fridge to grab more ingredients. "I was nervous to bring you here, I didn't want to screw anything up," he admitted.

I shook my head, smiling. "I find it very hard to believe you could screw anything up."

"Don't be so sure about that," he said dryly.

I laughed and rolled my eyes at him as he went back to work. He was totally cute bustling around the kitchen preparing dinner for us. I liked watching him do most things, and this was no exception. Especially since I knew next to nothing about cooking.

"How'd you learn all of this, anyway?" I asked, changing the subject as I snatched a piece of carrot from his cutting board.

He swatted at my hand. "Stop that." I giggled. "And I learned from my mom. She's kind of a chef."

I smirked. "How does one become 'kind of' a chef?"

He shook his head. "Do you always have to be difficult?"

"Yep," I quipped, grabbing another carrot and running away before he could stop me.

"You'll pay for that later," he called after me.

"I'm counting on it," I yelled back, sprawling across his couch to channel surf until dinner was finished.

We ate dinner on the floor in front of the sofa, and I asked Edward to tell me more about his mom. He'd mentioned her before, but it seemed like every conversation produced some new piece of information. He was letting me in slowly but surely.

"I lived in New York with her until I was thirteen and she decided she wanted to go to culinary school."

Apparently she'd decided so quickly that she was forced to send Edward back to California to live with his dad, Carlisle. She couldn't juggle working part-time, going to school and taking care of a kid. Something had to give… and she gave up Edward.

I couldn't see how anyone would be able to do that. My mother had done it to me, and just the thought of him going through the same hurt I'd faced throughout the years when I thought of her made me frown.

"By the time I came back, Dad had married Esme, and I had a little brother I barely knew."

"Jasper," I said.

Edward nodded. "Yep. It was an adjustment for all of us, but we eventually got closer."

"So why doesn't Esme live here now?" I asked, curious why she wouldn't have been here when their father passed away.

He sighed. "My dad was a stubborn son of a bitch sometimes. Right after I graduated high school, he got diagnosed the first time."

"What was wrong?" I asked. "With your dad, I mean."

"Skin cancer. He had a small melanoma on his chest. They found it early and removed it with a simple surgery, but after that he didn't take care of himself. He didn't do what he should have done, and no matter how hard Esme tried, he fought her. He wanted to be the man who didn't need anyone to take care of him. Ultimately, his choices were what killed him, because when it came back, surgery wasn't an option anymore." He shook his head.

I felt awful for him. I couldn't fathom having to watch my own dad suffer and die from a disease that could have been prevented with proper care. I laced my fingers through his and squeezed to let him know I got it and that I was here to listen.

"And before his death, everything was already hard enough for me, you know? I was older, and I had to watch Jasper go through the same things I did when my parents split up. The questions and confusion and just… everything. And when it came down to it I didn't want to admit to myself that I was going through the same thing with my own wife. I think that was a big reason why I stayed with Mak as long as I did. I hated the fact that I was putting Lisle through the same thing my dad put us through."

Makenna was a topic he shied away from more often than not. He'd only spoken of their relationship that one time, when he admitted that she cheated. Beyond that, though, his lips had been sealed. Tonight, it seemed, everything was coming out.

"Your situation was very different," I said, scratching the palm of his hand with my fingernails.

He tightened his grip on me. "Maybe, but I was still worried about how it would affect Lisle. I didn't think about myself."

"You're a good man, Edward. Lisle's lucky to have you." I smiled and he pulled me closer to drop a kiss on my cheek.

"I'm the lucky one," he murmured, looking into my eyes. "Sorry for just unloading on you like that."

I smiled. "I asked. I like it when you talk. You're kind of a closed book most of the time. It's nice when you let me in."

"I'm trying."

"I know."

I stood up and began to gather up our dishes.

"What are you doing?" He rubbed his hands across his stomach and stretched as he stood up.

"The dishes. I figure if you cook me food, I should at least pitch in _something_."

He laughed. "Someday I'm going to teach you to cook. I need a woman who'll feed me."

I scowled at him. "Ha, ha," I deadpanned.

"Really! How is it that you don't know how to cook? Who makes the food in your house?"

"I can make things! Sandwiches. Mac and cheese. Soup. Popcorn!" I defended myself a little too strongly and Edward cracked up laughing.

"Babe, that is _not _food."

I turned my face away to hide a grin and walked into the kitchen. I loved when he called me that. "It is to me."

Edward joined me a few minutes later, snuggling up close behind me and wrapping his arms around my waist. He watched me scrub from over my shoulder, doing his very best to distract me by pushing his lips against the back of my neck.

I had to stop every thirty seconds or so to take a deep breath. He was making me crazy.

"Bella?" he whispered.

"Yeah?"

"Don't go home tonight."

The dish in my hands slipped and a loud clang echoed through the kitchen. My heart hammered in my chest at the possibility of spending the night with him.

I swallowed thickly. "I don't have any clothes."

It was the easiest – and stupidest – excuse I could come up with. Don't get me wrong, I wanted to stay, I did. But I was nervous because the possibility of what could happen if I stayed was _big_. Huge, even. And I wanted _that_, too. I just wasn't sure we were ready for it yet.

"I have clothes," Edward said, kissing my neck again. "Not that you need them."

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><p><strong>Yup. I left it there. Please don't shoot the author. I promise to make up for it soon.<strong>

_Thank you all for reading and reviewing. You guys seriously make me the happiest person on earth with your sweet messages._

**Reviews are love.**

_Until tomorrow!_

**xx**


	25. Chapter 25

**Disclaimer: I own everything but their names.**

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><p><em><strong>July 30, 2001 – Santa Cruz, California<strong>_

"_I have clothes," Edward said, kissing my neck again. "Not that you need them." _

My heart was all fluttery and my palms warmed. If they weren't wet from the dishwater, I was sure they'd be sweating. Deciding to stay the night with him gave me that shaky feeling on the inside – the one you got when you knew you were about to do something you probably shouldn't.

Even with the knowledge that Charlie's work hours had changed and that I could get away with more, I'd been so good. I'd made sure to be home in time for my midnight curfew every single night. But the truth was he'd never know I was gone… and if he happened to call, I could easily say I slept through the ringing phone.

I shut off the water and turned around, peeking up at Edward to see his expression. I'm not sure what I expected to see there in his eyes. And I'm not sure what he saw in mine, but he rushed to explain quickly.

"I didn't mean…" He closed his eyes and sighed. "I just meant that you don't need them, you know, because I'm me and we're us and I didn't mean _that_... unless you want me to mean that. Wait. Do you want me to mean that?" His eyes widened and he suddenly looked as nervous as I felt. "_Jesus_, you make me feel like I'm seventeen again."

I giggled. It was adorable to watch him ramble.

He didn't laugh, though. As the seconds passed, he just looked even more and more nervous and avoided eye contact. I placed my hands on his chest and waited for him to focus his attention back on me. His eyes softened when they met mine.

"Rambling is usually my thing, remember?" I teased, scratching lightly at his chest.

A small smile pulled at his lips and he huffed out a heavy breath. "I know. I just want you to know that I don't expect anything. I just want you here. I spend all weekend with Lisle and I miss you and I just… I want you here with me."

My heart warmed at his words and as nervous as it made me to accept, I did it anyway. His answering smile made my decision totally worth it.

Once the kitchen had been cleaned up and the lights were off, Edward led me to his room. Walking in felt like heaven because it smelled like him everywhere.

The room was smaller than the one upstairs, but the bed was most definitely bigger…which was a relief. I think I'd convinced myself we'd be squeezing into a twin bed up until that moment. Red, blue and green flannel sheets were messily pulled up to cover the massive pile of pillows he had at the head of the bed. There were dirty clothes in a pile in the corner, and bits and pieces of Lisle's toys scattered in various parts of the room.

There were surfboards in one corner and a black dresser up against the opposite wall. Once we were inside, he walked over and started searching through the drawers.

"Let me just find something for you to sleep in," he said. "You can change in here, or whatever, or I can wait in the bathroom until you're done."

Glad that he'd offered me a choice, I nodded and stayed where I was. I hadn't tiptoed around Edward in what felt like forever, but at that moment, I was preparing for some definite tiptoeing.

Once he found what he was looking for, Edward looked around his own room as if just now seeing what it was I was seeing. He looked a little embarrassed.

"I'm sorry it's such a mess in here," he said, hurrying to grab the dirty clothes from the floor and trying to kick Lisle's toys into a somewhat neat pile. "I should have thought of that before I asked you to stay."

I laughed nervously. "Stop. It's fine."

He sighed and came over to hand me the shirt. "Here, you can sleep in this if you want. I'll just…" he motioned to the door and then disappeared, closing it behind him.

Once he was gone, I had to take a few deep breaths. The idea that I'd be pretty much naked with him in the next room gave me goosebumps; chances were he was nearly naked too. And in just a few minutes, we'd be in the same bed… almost naked together.

"Oh god," I whispered, covering my face with my hands and trying to get a hold of myself. "You can do this, Bella. You can do this."

I continued chanting those words in my head while I undressed, removing everything but my underwear and Edward's faded black Aerosmith t-shirt. It was one he wore all the time, and I knew it was one a favorite. The fact that he'd shared it with me made me giggle like…well, a teenage girl.

It was loose, the hem falling to just around mid-thigh, which I knew Edward would love. He was a definite leg man. His eyes were always lingering on any bare skin my legs had to offer.

Before I could get too worked up, Edward knocked on the door to let me know he was ready. After a deep breath, I pulled it open and he smiled at me before his eyes fell lower, proving undoubtedly what I'd just been thinking.

The dim light of the room made his normally bright green eyes seem that much deeper as his teeth slid across the skin of his lower lip. "It fits."

I tugged at the hem and nodded, trying my hardest not to blush from the way he was looking at me. "It does."

His fingers slid through his hair, eyes landing back on mine. "The bathroom is free… I, uh—" he cleared his throat. "I left a toothbrush on the counter for you."

When I came back in the room, Edward had the bed turned down and was leaning up against a few pillows on the headboard. Judging by the pile on the floor, he'd taken off his shorts… and his shirt. The sheets were pulled up to his waist, leaving me with a glorious view of his bare chest and stomach. I still felt the same about the whole wearing a shirt thing: it shouldn't be allowed.

He was so beautiful it hurt.

He'd turned on the lamp on his bedside table, so I flipped the switch on the wall before walking over to climb into bed with him.

My insides were shaking; hell, so were my outsides and I hoped he didn't notice. I slid beneath the covers as Edward reached over and flipped off the light next to him, leaving us in almost complete darkness.

Without thought, my body turned to his and I tucked my hands under my pillow to look at him. The light from the moon peeked through the window above us, casting shadows on the planes of his face. It only made him look better.

His moon-lit eyes were cautious as he slowly wrapped an arm around my back and urged me closer. It was surreal to think I was there with him after so much time spent pining and wishing and hoping for it to happen.

He was mine, now, and as the warmth of his skin circled around me, I let myself relax.

"Is this okay?" he whispered, running his fingers slowly down my back. When they slipped lower, gliding across the parts of me that were bare beneath his t-shirt, I lost the ability to reply. His fingers were rough where my skin was soft and the friction between the two made my skin tingle.

As I hummed out a contented sound from deep within, I heard him laugh lightly, but it sounded off. Shaky, even. I looked up at him, straining to see clearly through the darkness.

I slid one of my hands up and touched his cheek, pulling his mouth closer to mine to kiss him softly. And that's how it started… gentle, slow and sweet. Hands everywhere… up, down, under. Squeezing, rubbing, scratching as we kissed and he rolled on top of me. His weight was a delicious feeling, but I wanted more. More, more, more.

"Bella," he panted, and I was sure there was no greater sound in the world. "Have you— are you—I, god, I want you so bad..."

"Yes," I said on an exhale. "_Yes_." I answered his unspoken questions. Yes, I wanted him. Yes, I had done this before.

His hands moved low and my body was lifted from the bed as he tugged my shirt up and over my head, tossing it to the floor. He stared at skin that was new to him, and even in the low light, his eyes devoured me.

"We're going to discuss that admission later," he said before lowering his mouth to my chest, forcing me to lie back against the rumpled sheets below us.

He stayed on his knees between my legs, arched over me as his lips wrapped around my nipple.

"Whatever you say," I moaned, burying my hands in his hair and holding him close. I would tell him anything he wanted to know as long as he didn't stop doing that.

I loved how his hands felt on me, how his mouth felt on mine, but this was even better. He swirled his tongue around the tip of my nipple, and it was nothing like the times I remembered with Riley. He had always been more concerned with getting my underwear off and pleasing himself.

Edward, however, didn't rush at all. He took his time kissing, licking and biting. He'd press his tongue flat and lick up my chest like I was an ice cream cone that might drip on the floor if he missed a spot.

One of his hands stayed on my thighs, gripping, driving me to the brink of madness as the other finally moved between my legs. My hips jerked as his fingers pressed against me softly, sliding up and down. It was the biggest tease ever having them _right there _with the fabric of my panties between his fingers and my skin. I could only stand it for a few seconds before I hastily pushed at the hem and started to wiggle out of them.

Edward groaned as he realized what I was doing, releasing his mouth from my chest to pull back and help me. He lifted my legs in the air and his eyes stayed on mine as he slid them up, up and then off. His mouth pressed a soft kiss against my calf and that little vein in his forehead pulsed as his hands slowly pushed my legs apart.

He looked at me hungrily, eyes dark and hooded as his teeth scraped across his bottom lip. I had to fight the urge to squirm. I wanted him to touch me again.

"Come back," I whispered, hands reaching out for him, but he held me off.

"Wait," he said, voice thick from restraint. The sound, coupled with the way he looked at me, made me tingle. And what else could I do but comply? Any girl would have been stupid not to listen to a man who looked at her like that.

I tried to relax my body, my mind and my heart, too as he finally, _finally _leaned forward and lay down at my side. His hand caressed my stomach and then lowered down, touching where I wanted it. He knew exactly where to press, where to squeeze and exactly when to curl his fingers in just that precise way that had my legs shaking and my chest heaving and my head all tangled up in a mess of _oh my god_.

As I came down, my senses heightened. Every breath, every movement, every touch, seemed so much more powerful. His warm skin against my arm, burning, and him, hard against my leg; it was a heady, powerful feeling to know pleasing me might affect him just the tiniest bit as much as it did me.

Turning my head, I pressed my lips against his and finally put my hands on _his _body. I pushed him to his back and sat up to take charge, crawling over him to kiss across his chest.

"Uh…oh, Jesus, what are you doing?" he asked in a strained voice. I didn't answer because I didn't have to, I just kept on going.

He tasted just like he smelled, all sweet and delicious. My legs straddled him and the muscles in his stomach rippled beneath my hands as I kissed down his body, taking my time. The sounds he made, all grunty and deep, rumbled through his chest and vibrated against my lips as I continued with no plan at all about what I would do once I reached the point of no return. I had never done _that _before, but if he wanted it, I surely would.

Hands that were curled into fists at his sides lifted and ran through my hair, pushing it back from my face. When I peeked up at him, his dark eyes were on mine. I'd always been too nervous to ever put myself in this position before, but with him, I felt powerful.

I smiled and playfully bit at his toned stomach, earning a laugh and a wiggle from him in return.

"No biting," he whispered, and my smile grew as I tugged at the tight strip of elastic around his hips, crawling backwards and bringing it with me. To my surprise, he didn't stop me. In fact, he seemed eager and he wasn't graceful at all when he scrambled up from the bed and worked to get his boxers out of the way as quickly as possible.

I giggled, falling back against the bed and covering my mouth to try and hide my enjoyment as I watched him fight with one leg and nearly stumble into his lamp.

Once they were finally gone, he stood and I turned my head to the side. My eyes were glued to the sight before me: strong arms, muscled thighs and toned stomach all met in the middle, curving inward to where he was all man in a way I'd only imagined the countless times I'd watched him in his wetsuit.

I swallowed a heavy breath and my heart pounded. The giggles died in my throat when I saw the serious, lustful look on his face. He moved closer, bending his leg and resting one knee on the bed. He grabbed one of my thighs and pulled me to him as he climbed over top of me the rest of the way. His hand stayed on my thigh and his body nestled between my legs. The awkward moment from just seconds before suddenly turned to tension and I held my breath in anticipation.

"No laughing either," he said, his voice no longer a whisper. It was all sweet-smoothness, like the first time we'd met that day in the shop. But there was that seriousness in his eyes there, too. All demanding and hot.

I shook my head as I felt him press closer, still holding my breath. Edward held himself back, and as he rested his hands on either side of me, I saw the shaking in his arms and the strain in his face that told me it was difficult to stop. I liked that he wanted me that much.

He took a deep breath and blinked as if he were deciding what to say. "I don't have… I didn't think this would happen tonight, Bella. I don't have any condoms, I haven't had a reason to in a long time."

"I'm on the pill," I told him, wrapping my arms around his shoulders and hugging my thighs around his hips.

He gave in to my tugging after only a few moments, watching me silently for a beat before he closed his eyes and slid just the tiniest bit closer. "You're sure?" he whispered, lowering his lips closer to mine. I could hear the need in his voice.

I gripped the back of his neck, sliding my fingers into his hair and pulling his mouth even closer. "I'm sure about you."

With a groan, he placed one hand on the bed above my shoulder and the other gripped one of my thighs to pull it higher around him. The tip of him touched me then, sliding slowly over me before I felt it at my entrance. I waited for him, trying to keep my hips from lifting to push him inside me.

The sheets near my ear rustled as Edward's fist tightened around them. He glanced down briefly before his eyes came back to mine and he pushed forward. I fought hard to keep my eyes open, on him, as he slid deeper.

During those first few seconds, where burn dances quickly into the intoxicating feeling of being filled, my hands gripped him tighter. A heavy breath slid from Edward's lips and I felt his chest heave against mine. Slowly, he lowered more of his weight on to me and moved even deeper until his hips were flush with mine.

Matching groans filled the small room. He stayed there like that: eyes shut tight and warm breath blowing against my lips.

"You're…" His eyes had opened, gleaming, and though he didn't finish his thought, the look on his face told me he felt the same thing I did at that moment—that it was like nothing else either of us had ever felt.

"You, too," I murmured softly, boldly lifting my hips and urging him to move.

His hand pulled my thigh higher on his hip. "Fuck," Edward whispered, sliding out and pushing back in quickly.

My fingers dug into his skin, holding him close as I basked in the glow of how _good _he felt moving inside me. It didn't take long for us to find our rhythm. Slow and sweet and then harder, until each of us was fighting to catch our breath and the groans shifted to grunts and the burn in my muscles was so bad I could feel them shaking from the inside out.

Edward held me so close and the heat our bodies created was nothing compared to the growing warmth his movements brought on in other places. Suddenly it all became too much and I lifted my other leg up and around, digging my feet into the back of his legs as everything got tighter, warmer and then it was all tingles and euphoria.

I cried his name to the stars and Edward fastened his lips to mine heatedly, pushing his tongue against mine and picking up his pace.

"It's too much," he panted against my mouth, shifting until his arms were under my shoulders and he could use the leverage of his hands to pull me more quickly against him. "Bella…"

"Yes," I moaned as his hips jerked and stilled against me.

His hold didn't loosen as we both lay there breathing heavily. Edward dropped his sweaty forehead to my chest. "I'm sorry," he mumbled with a slight laugh, and I was sure if it weren't so dark, his cheeks would have been pink.

I grinned like a fool; he had absolutely _nothing _to be sorry for. I'd heard people talk about the best moment of their lives before, and even at eighteen, when I didn't have many other experiences to compare it too, I knew that night would always be mine.

"You have nothing to be sorry for. Trust me."

He looked up and smiled, all white teeth and a little bit of tongue. "You're perfect," Edward told me.

And just like the night when he'd told me I was amazing, I wanted to return the compliment, because I wasn't close to being perfect, and neither was he. But I thought maybe we could be perfect together.

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><p><strong>*peeks out from inside the bunker* I do hope I'm forgiven for yesterday.<strong>

_Thank you for reading! You guys are the best!_

**Reviews are love.**

_Until tomorrow!_

**xx**


	26. Chapter 26

**Disclaimer: I own everything but their names.**

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><p><em><strong>August 3, 2001 – Santa Cruz, California<strong>_

"Don't think I didn't see that."

I looked up and played innocent. "See what?"

He pursed his lips and narrowed his eyes. "That's my favorite shirt."

"Well, it's my favorite shirt now, too."

"That may be, but I think you should leave it here."

"Why?" I asked, still not removing his beloved shirt from my bag. I didn't care how many times he argued with me about it, the Aerosmith was _mine_.

Edward walked closer and lowered his lips to my ear. "What do you think is going to get me through the weekend when you're not in my bed?"

Tingles shot through me and I fought back a moan. This was going to be our first weekend apart since, well… you know.

"What do you think is going to get _me _through the weekend without _you_?" I shot back at him.

He pulled back, eyes dancing between mine. And then he smirked. "I guess I can settle for my sheets smelling like you, instead."

Before I knew it, my back was hitting his bed and I was giggling as I bounced on his old mattress. In just those few seconds, Edward had my pants unbuttoned and his hands worked insistently, dropping beneath the fabric of my underwear to tug them both off at once.

"What are you—" I started to ask until he dropped the pants on the floor and hovered over me, his mouth cutting me off.

"Shh," he said against my lips. He slid his hands down my stomach, touching me softly. Fingers pushed at the inside of my thighs, spreading me open.

I tried pushing him away, but he held firm and his hands tightened. "We're going to be late!" I insisted.

"Don't care," he murmured, his eyes watching the movement of his hands as he placed both of my feet at the edge of his bed.

The way he looked at me then made me feel more vulnerable than ever. He could see… _everything_. And though it made me nervous to be on display like that, it was also powerful to realize that just looking at me did things to him. He still had that little smirk lifting one side of his cheek as he bent down and kissed my lips.

Just as I was getting into it, he slid lower. My shirt was lifted my shirt up under my boobs and Edward took his time, blowing warm breath along the middle of my stomach. His lips danced along each hip before his tongue joined the mix.

Squirming, eyes closed tight, and heart beating heavily in anticipation, I had no clue what he was planning until, but asking would have taken away half of the fun. Instead, I watched him. He tasted the inside of each thigh, eyes closing with every kiss and lick and little teasing bite where his teeth would bring goosebumps to my skin.

He hummed and grunted like it was the best thing he'd ever tasted in his life. I heard him settle on the floor between my legs and then I felt his warm breath _there_.

His hand followed, fingers sliding up and touching me gently before his tongue touched me. I nearly shot off the bed. My hands tightened around the blanket beneath me and natural instincts pushed me to try and close my legs. It was so much; too much. All at once.

I'd never felt anything like it before. I sat up as much as I could and a whimper escaped. I stared down at him. His eyes were soft, bright green and so, so loving. His hands reassured me and I didn't stop him.

He was soft at first, giving me the time I needed to adjust. Slowly, my body relaxed back against the bed. His hands continued to hold me open to him as his tongue moved, swirling left and right and up and down.

My insides were shaking with nerves and pleasure; I breathed deeply as my eyes closed and I gave myself over to the feeling of his mouth on me.

"Fuck, you taste good," he hummed, and the vibration of his voice brought my hands to his hair.

His eyes closed as he continued and I watched him, my fingers sliding through his hair. He moved one of his hands down my thigh, and just when the shaking had finally started to calm a little, I felt his fingers slide across me before pushing inside just the slightest bit. Teasing just at my entrance, wiggling as his tongue started moving faster.

"Oh, _god_." I pulled his hair and his tongue faltered as a groan escaped his lips.

He moved faster, and his finger slid deeper. The burn in my belly was growing, growing, swirling hot and my body went crazy all at once as he did that curl thing I loved so much and sucked my clit against his tongue. I was coming before I even realized it, squeezing his fingers as they slid in and out.

Panting, I shut my eyes tight while my body continued to shake with spasms of the remaining pleasure from my orgasm. Soft kisses trailed across the inside of my thigh as I lifted one hand to my chest and held it to my pounding heart and tried to catch my breath.

Edward stood up, bending over me and looking smug as he stared at what I was sure was a flushed and sweaty me, and very purposefully licked his lips.

"You don't play fair," I said, covering my face with my hands, suddenly feeling embarrassment over what had just happened. Where Edward had just had his mouth…

I had _never _let Riley do anything like that, no matter how many times he'd asked.

His hands were soft on my thighs and his lips were wet against my neck. "You liked it…" he trailed off, like it was a question.

I peeked out at him from beneath my hands and fought back a smile. He still looked smug. I didn't want to admit he was right, but I was sure it was written all over my face.

His grin told me he didn't need me to tell him how good it felt.

"Come on, we're going to be late," he said before lifting my leg to nip at the inside of my calf. Then he turned and walked out of the room.

"Sexy bastard," I whispered to myself as I got up on legs that felt like Jell-O and put my clothes back on.

It was going to be a long weekend without him.

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><p><strong>I've actually never written a scene like this before, and ngl, it still makes me blush.<strong>

_Thank you all SO much for reading, seriously… I cannot with how much you make me smile with your kind words._

**Reviews are love.**

_Until tomorrow!_

**xx**


	27. Chapter 27

**Disclaimer: I own everything but their names.**

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><p><em><strong>August 6, 2001 – Santa Cruz, California<strong>_

"Jesus, Swan, don't you like me anymore?"

I turned to look at Jasper, smirking. "Eh, I guess."

I had been distracted today. Instead of listening to Jasper telling me about…oh, something or other, I was counting the minutes until Edward showed up. He was running late and it'd been far too many hours since the last time we'd seen each other.

I couldn't blame Jasper for asking the question, though. I'd been spending so much of my time with Edward that Jas and I had barely spoken at all outside of work related things. I was sure he wondered why practically the moment he'd introduced me to his friends, I'd suddenly turned into a ghost.

Of course, I couldn't explain why, but his comment told me I had to give him something, even if it wasn't completely truthful.

"Thanks," he said, all straight-faced as he turned away from me.

"Ah, come on. Don't get girly on me. I still like you, Jas."

He flipped me off over his shoulder and I giggled.

"Come on, want me to braid your hair and prove it?"

I saw his shoulders shaking with laughter and it only took a second before he let it out. Glad to see he wasn't going to take my absence personally, I cracked up, too. He walked over to my side of the store and leaned on the glass in front of me.

"I'm serious, though, Bel. We haven't really talked since the night when my brother interrupted us. I still got Nah hounding me about your number, and Felix is wondering when you're going to come see him again."

"How about next weekend?" I asked casually. "I don't have any plans."

He smiled. "I'll see if I can pull something together, I think Nah might be out of town, though."

I breathed a quiet sigh of relief for that. I needed to tell Jasper the truth, that, while I found him way chill and super interesting, I wasn't in to Nahuel in that way. Sure, I may have considered him as a possibility when I'd thought Edward and I would never be together, but now… well, it just wasn't going to happen.

I reached out and squeezed his hand. "That's okay. To be honest, I have no interest in anything beyond friendship with Nahuel." I tried to say it gently. "Can you… kind of tell him that for me?"

Jasper stared at me with his mouth hanging open. "You're going to make _me _do it?"

"You're the one who tried to set us up!" I insisted, pounding my fist on the glass.

He stepped back toward his side of the store. "I did not. You were _clearly _hot for him."

Just as Jasper spoke, the door to the shop opened and Edward walked in with Lisle clutched in his arms. His eyes moved from mine, to his brother and then back again. His furrowed brow told me he'd heard exactly what Jasper had said.

Luckily, Lisle's head lifted from Edward's shoulder and, when he saw me, he wiggled to be put down. He ran toward me with his arms outstretched and I didn't hesitate to catch him and wrap him up in a hug. His greetings were always exuberant and sloppy. I loved them.

I nuzzled his hair and pulled held him close. "Little Dude! Did you have a fun weekend with your Dad?"

He twirled my hair in his little fingers and nodded. "Daddy took me to the zoo and we saw da maminals. I like the penguins. And the tigers. And we saw snakes. They are gross." He made this little face that showed his dislike for the snakes and I giggled.

"Oh yeah? I like penguins too. What _else_ did you see?"

His eyes met with the ceiling as he thought about it for a second, then he smiled and looked back at me. "We saw a nelephant!"

Edward interrupted us. "You mean an _elephant_, Buddy?"

"Yes. Dat," he said, giggling as he looked back at me. His eyes widened. "It was big!"

We were all smiles as we discussed his trip to the zoo, and I was sad when Edward interrupted us again a few minutes later. "Baby Boy, let's let Bella get back to work. Mom's gonna be here soon to pick you up."

Edward put his hands up to take him, but kept his eyes on mine. I tried to figure out if his look was because of what he'd said – that Makenna was coming to pick Lisle up – or if it was because of what he'd likely overheard when he walked inside the shop.

I attempted to keep my face from showing any guilt or nerves as I stared back at him. While I wasn't exactly thrilled with coming face-to-face with Edward's ex, I also wasn't happy with the idea that he might believe the worst about mine and Jasper's conversation without first getting facts. I hadn't known him for very long, but I understood how good Edward was at cooking up the worst possible scenario in every situation.

He was totally a glass half empty type of guy.

"We'll talk later," I mouthed to him as I handed Lisle over. He nodded tightly and tickled Lisle as he walked back to his office. I watched them go with a sigh.

Meanwhile, my eyes flew to the door every time it opened. I wasn't exactly afraid of Makenna; it was more what she represented: who she had been to Edward, who she still was and always would be to Lisle. It was hard not to be a little intimidated.

"What's eatin' you, Swan?" Jasper asked, finally acknowledging my weird behavior. "You know I was just giving you a hard time, right?"

His voice snapped me out of my door gazing and I attempted a smile. "Oh, yeah. I know."

"I'll tell him, by the way."

I nodded in understanding. "Thanks, Jasper."

"Anything for you, Cupcake."

"Cupcake, really?"

"What, you don't like it?"

"You scare me."

He grinned. "I scare myself sometimes, too."

As we both laughed, the door opened and I finally got my first glimpse of Edward's past.

There wasn't much about Makenna that I expected. For some reason, I'd been braced for tall, blonde and boobalicious – someone like the posters hanging in his teenage bedroom. That wasn't her, like, at all. She was small, and had the bluest eyes I'd ever seen. They were striking against her black hair and tanned skin.

It was clear Lisle had inherited much more of his father's traits than his mother's. He was there in her cheekbones and her nose, while everything else about the little boy I had grown to care so much for was his father. Looking at her, though, it wasn't surprising that the two of them had created such an adorable child.

"Hi," she said, looking rushed as she pulled her sunglasses from her face. "Oh hey, Jasper. Where's Edward?" She completely ignored my existence.

Jasper called out for Edward and it wasn't long before we heard the unmistakable sound of little footsteps.

"Mommy!" Lisle squealed, and her face lit up the same way Edward's always did when Lisle was around.

It made my chest hurt. I wasn't sure why.

Makenna leaned down and scooped Lisle into her arms, kissing his forehead. "Hi, sweetheart." Her eyes wandered past Lisle and settled on Edward, and I watched her smile grow even wider. She rocked Lisle back and forth but continued to stare at Edward. Something about the _way _she looked at him set off warning bells inside of my head. Clearly there were feelings there for her still. And not just the fond, you're-the-father-of-my-child type, either.

I thought that I've-seen-you-naked-and-I-would-like-to-again was a far more accurate description.

"How was the weekend?" she asked them both.

"It was good," Edward said, closer now and reaching up to run his fingers through Lisle's hair. "It's always good."

Lisle wiggled away from Edward's hand. "We went to da zoo, Mom!"

"You did?" she asked, her voice taking on that high pitched surprised tone parents indulged their children with. "Thank you for keeping him this morning."

"It's no problem, you know that."

"Oh, we're being rude. I'm sorry." She shifted Lisle around on her hip and acknowledged my presence at last. She stretched her hand out toward me. "I'm Makenna."

I gulped and my eyes moved between Edward and her as I stuck my hand out and shook hers. "Bella."

"So you're Bella. My son has had nothing but good things to say about you." She smiled, a quick flash of teeth before her face was wiped clean, and then her eyes moved away, settling back on Edward. "May I speak with you privately?"

He shrugged as she stepped toward the door. I cursed the fact that I couldn't eavesdrop on their conversation with them so far away, because I really, _really_ wanted to know what was being said. I had a feeling it might be about me.

And if it wasn't… what else might she need to speak with him about that couldn't be overheard?

I knew one thing though: I didn't like how close to him she stood. She leaned forward with Lisle in her arms, effectively bringing herself closer to Edward, and placed a hand on _my boyfriend's _arm.

Even though she'd been polite when her hand settled on his arm, I wanted to claw her eyes out. It was just a simple touch, but between them it felt like something more. My fingers curled into fists as anger flashed through me. The desire to walk over and strike her for touching him was hard to tamp down.

A sigh of relief escaped as I watched his lip curl in disdain for her gesture and he peeled her hand away. "No," I heard him say as he shook his head.

Makenna's face was filled with anger, even after she tried to clear it. When she spoke to him again, it was all venom and heat. "Say 'bye to your father, Lisle."

Edward bent down and kissed Lisle's forehead, waving goodbye as she huffed her way out the door. He stood there watching them silently until they'd disappeared. When he finally turned to go back to his office, he didn't say a word to anyone.

I tried to catch his eye, to offer even a little comfort with just a look, but he avoided me, too. And I hated that.

For the rest of the day, he was quiet. Subdued. He didn't even check the receipts once. I was regretting our decision to keep our relationship a secret because all I wanted to do was disappear into his office and ask him what the hell was going on.

I mean, I was used to the quiet from him… _before_. But things were different, now. I didn't like that his silence made me all nervous and antsy and frustrated, the same way I'd felt back when the two of us were still confusing each other and our signals were all out of whack.

By the time we reached his house that night, I kind of wanted to strangle him so he'd talk to me.

He parked in the driveway, still silent, and we made our way inside.

It was completely different than our previous Mondays. Normally, since we hadn't seen each other all weekend, we were talkative and excited. I would ask him about his weekend with Lisle and we'd talk while we made dinner and goofed around together.

But the way he kicked off his shoes and breathed heavily as he headed into the kitchen held me back and sent me running in a different direction.

I walked into his bedroom to drop off my clothes and change into my pajamas, taking extra time to brush out my hair and let my mind wander. I really wanted to know what it was that Makenna had said to him that somehow changed his mood.

At least, I hoped it was Makenna and not something I had done.

When I came out of the bedroom, Edward was sitting on the couch. His legs were spread wide, elbows resting on his knees and his were shoulders hunched. He looked like a lost little boy.

I approached him slowly and placed my hands on his shoulders from behind, digging my fingers into his tense muscles. He didn't say anything, but a deep sigh fell from his lips and he tilted his head back to look up at me.

The smile on his face was forced and didn't reach his eyes.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked, because I knew there was an 'it,' even if I wasn't sure exactly what 'it' was.

He shook his head. "Not right now."

"Okay," I sighed. "Should I… Do you want to be alone? I can go—"

"Please don't… just, come here?"

I released him and made my way around the sofa; when I tried to sit down next to him, he pulled me across his lap until I was straddling him and buried his face in my neck. His breath was warm and wet and I tightened my arms around his shoulders to hold him close to me.

"I missed you," he whispered, wrapping his arms around my back and resting the tips of his fingers inside my pajama bottoms. I loved the feeling of his rough fingers on my skin. "A lot."

My hands gravitated to the soft hair at the base of his neck. I twirled it between my fingers. This was my Edward.

"I missed you, too," I replied. He kissed me, tongue tracing a path toward my ear. "A lot."

_Jesus._

He kept on and I let him for a few minutes, until it occurred to me exactly what he was trying to do.

"You're trying to distract me with your tongue," I said.

He laughed softly into my neck and I was happy to hear that sound from him. "Is it working?"

"Nope," I lied, trying to keep my voice even as he licked me again and his teeth bit down on my earlobe.

"Are you sure?"

His warm breath across my wet skin caused me to shiver. "Positive."

"We can't have that. Hmm… What about this?" he asked, sliding his hands further inside my pajamas so he could get a good hold on my butt and slide me closer.

He was hard through his jeans, pushing against where I was suddenly becoming wet. I moaned and my head fell back on my shoulders.

My hands tightened in his hair and I tugged. "Definitely not."

He kissed down the exposed skin of my neck and his teeth grazed my collarbone. "Guess I'll have to try _harder_."

With that final word, he pulled me against him roughly and a groan worked its way from my mouth as he hit just that perfect spot that made me tingle.

"What was that?" he asked, and I felt him smile against my chest as his lips pushed the material of my shirt lower.

I huffed, giving in and letting him touch me; distract me. Distract himself. I really could deny him nothing.

And at the end of the day, it didn't matter what was on his mind… all that mattered was that we were together and he went to sleep with a smile on his face.

…Even if the smile on mine wasn't so genuine.

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><p><strong>Your reactions to the last two chapters have seriously been the best ever. Some of you even said your computer needed a cigarette, lol!<strong>

_Thank you all so much for reading, I am complete fail at review replies, but you should know that I read each and every one. Your sweet words are what motivate me to keep writing. I'm wrapping up this story with my lovely beta, Nic, right now and it's hard to believe we're only about two weeks away…_

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_Until tomorrow!_

**xx**


	28. Chapter 28

**Disclaimer: I own everything but their names.**

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><p><em><strong>August 8, 2001 – Santa Cruz, California<strong>_

I began to realize very quickly that when Edward didn't want to talk about something… he really didn't want to talk about it.

And I also discovered he liked using sex as a distraction.

He'd figured out that all he needed to do was kiss me in a certain spot, grab me in a certain way or whisper something dirty in my ear and I became putty in his hands.

I tried to fight it. Trust me, I did.

After the fourth time he refused to talk, I stopped trying to figure it out and just let him keep it bottled up. It wasn't healthy – for either of us, really – but I didn't think there was much else I could do. If he wanted me to know, we'd talk when he was ready to. Until then, I was determined to enjoy the 'fruits' of his diversionary tactics.

In other words, I was chilling behind some seriously rose-colored glasses.

"I like you in my shirt," he murmured, kissing a path across my stomach. I squirmed as the scruff on his jaw tickled my skin. Of course I was wearing the Aerosmith again.

"I know," I moaned, pulling on his hair to bring his mouth back to mine. My panties were gone, his underwear were hanging from a lamp. I think. Neither of us really seemed to care at that moment.

But he definitely wanted me to keep the shirt on.

Edward crawled up my body, using his knees to spread my legs wider as his mouth moved closer to mine.

"Hi," he said, kissing me as his hips flexed back and forth and the tip of him ran along me.

My eyes closed in pleasure.

"Shit." I tugged his hair again and lifted my body toward him. "Don't tease."

His hands slid beneath my butt and he lifted me before expertly turning us both until our spots were reversed. He stretched out beneath me, hands still gripping my bare ass and pushing me into him, coaxing me to move. I wasn't sure who wanted it more, him or me. I rolled my hips slowly over him, enjoying how it felt when he slid against that place that made me see stars.

"I want you like this," he said, lifting his head off the bed and licking my bottom lip. His eyes were wide, all lusty and gorgeous, and he looked so sexy under me.

I sat up with my hands on his chest and bit my lip. "I've never done it this way before," I admitted.

"It's just me. You don't have to be nervous," he whispered, hands lifting to my breasts. He ran the very tips of his fingers along the outside of my nipples and I tried to keep my eyes open.

"But…" I started, not sure if I wanted to express to him how I was feeling. "What if I do it wrong?"

He gave me his lazy, sexy smirk and sat forward, lifting my shirt so he could take a nipple into his mouth. "Trust me, you can't do it wrong," he said against my skin, just before he bit down and then sucked it into his mouth to soothe the ache from his bite. I loved when he did that.

I wrapped my fingers in his hair and held him against me. "I trust you," I breathed.

"Good." He continued kissing me; my chest, my nipples, that little spot right beneath my ear as I rolled my hips over him, coating him with how good he made me feel. His sounds and touches made me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world.

Chests pressed close, he kissed me hard and I was so turned on, I just needed him inside me. I told him so.

He grinned. "I like it when you tell me what to do." I moaned in response. "Scoot back just a little bit, Baby."

I did as he asked, sliding back along his thighs and then looking down as he reached between us and stroked himself. He whimpered as he flexed his fingers around himself, and it was one of the hottest things I'd ever heard. He placed himself at my entrance and lifted his eyes back to mine. They begged for permission, and I gave it without hesitation. I wanted him so fucking bad.

My legs were shaking as emotion swirled in my belly. I was nervous, but excited too. I knew Edward would make it good; that he wouldn't let me do anything wrong. I knew he'd work my body like he always did and that he'd never betray the trust I had for him when it came to everything—including being with him this way.

He worked his fingers along the skin of my ass, rubbing me. Both of our eyes watched as he finally pulled me closer. Slowly, he slid inside me and I groaned at how good it felt, digging my fingernails into the skin on his shoulders. As he slid deeper, I held tighter and Edward hissed through his teeth while pushing his forehead against mine. I kissed him hard. It was desperate, sloppy, all wetness and teeth.

"Are you okay?" he asked, breathing heavily through his nose.

My head dropped as he worked me over him again, sliding in and then out. He was deep; deeper than he'd ever been before. Deeper than _anyone _had ever been before. And it felt so good and different and I couldn't stop from moaning that I was more than okay. Something about the position felt even more intimate than the way we had done it so many times before, and I tried my best to keep my eyes on his.

I wanted to see how he felt, wanted to know what he liked. His heart pounded out its own rhythm against my fast-paced thump as we moved together. Our faces were close, breaths mingling. I kept my eyes glued to his, hoping he could see everything that I felt for him.

His hands moved around the outside of my thighs as he lifted his hips and pulled me forward, and we rocked against each other. He gave me time to get used to the position, to the burn in my legs and the feeling of him inside me that way.

"God, that feels good," I mumbled, scratching across his chest.

"Yeah?" he asked, smiling smugly as he let go of my legs and pushed his hands under my shirt.

I licked my lips. "Yeah."

"Want you naked now," he grunted as I slowly rocked my body against his again.

"Okay," I moaned, feeling braver and wanting more as I moved a little faster.

He slid his hands higher, lifting the material over my head. As soon as it was gone, his eyes zeroed in on my breasts. He tossed the shirt over his shoulder and leaned forward to take my nipple between his lips again.

His hands returned to my ass and urged me on, moving me faster but still letting me lead. Letting me selfishly move and do whatever felt good for me. And I took advantage of it, testing myself, testing him. Deep and then shallow, slow and then faster. It all felt good.

"I told you, Baby," Edward moaned against my chest.

"Yes." The word was longer than its three letters should have allowed for as I swiveled my hips around him.

Edward's mouth found mine again and he pushed his tongue between my lips in the same way I pushed my hips against him. I moaned into his mouth and he let out a heavy breath as he pulled back just a fraction of an inch, opened his eyes wide and whispered, "Harder."

As he said the word, his hands returned to my ass and he slid my body forward roughly. I cried out and he held me there as his eyes squeezed shut and he bit his lip. Seconds passed and his breaths mixed with mine until he kissed me once more and then lowered himself to the bed, stretching out beneath me.

I stared down at him. His eyes were molten fire as his hands slid with the movement and he gripped the top of my thighs.

"Harder," he said again.

My hands fell to his chest and I watched his face closely as I did what he asked, moving my hips and taking him harder, faster. And every touch, every kiss, every move brought me closer to him, brought him deeper inside me and brought us higher until the room was a concerto of whimpers and groans, skin slapping and sheets swishing as both of us closed in on pleasure we wanted so badly.

Staring at me, hands holding me so hard I was sure there would be bruises tomorrow, he moaned, "You look so fucking good right now."

I dropped my chin to my chest and my hair encapsulated us in our own private world. Edward reached up and pushed it back, leaning up to kiss me before dropping back down on the bed.

He moved one of his hands between my legs and touched me, moving his fingers against me until I thought I might die from feeling too good. It was harder to move when he did that, but his other hand kept me rocking and he lifted his hips into mine as he pushed me closer, closer, closer.

Then it was only him and me and nothing else as my world shattered into a zillion starbursts of perfection. From the way he moved and held me so tight I knew he was there, too.  
>His hands were unyielding as they squeezed at my skin and hips and breasts, and the noises he made kept me moving, kept me confident. When it was all over and he guided my body to his and held my face in to his lips, I was sure it'd never been better. That it never would be.<p>

And we lay together, just like that, falling asleep with him still inside me.

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><p><strong>So, if you saw my teasers on tumblr last night…you knew this was coming. ;) Happy Saturday!<strong>

_Thank you all so much for making me feel like a million and one bucks. You're the best._

**Reviews are love!**

_Until tomorrow._

**xx**


	29. Chapter 29

**Disclaimer: I own everything but their names.**

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><p><em><strong>August 10, 2001 – Santa Cruz, California<strong>_

"I got you something," Edward whispered, rolling over on top of me. His face was covered in sand, eyes still red from lack of sleep. We'd just finished our morning surf, and we were riding the high of not only catching some great waves, but of a spectacular night where we had done very little sleeping.

He pushed his tongue into my mouth and stopped me from responding. He kissed me deeply as the surf came up and covered our feet and legs, and I laughed and swooned and thought we looked like an old black and white film I'd watched once.

When he finally pulled back, a grin on his pretty lips, I asked, "You got me something, huh?"

"Yup."

I scowled. "I hate surprises. You should probably know that."

He laughed. "You'll like this one."

I rolled my eyes as he jumped up. "Whatever you say." I tried to hide a small smile as I asked him where this surprise was.

"See, you're curious. It's at the shop, it came in yesterday."

"You shouldn't have done that," I said, even though he was right, I was excited. And very, very curious.

"Why? I wanted to." He dusted sand from his chest.

"I don't know. It just feels weird."

"I promise if you don't like it, we can return it. But I think you're going to love it."

When we got to the shop a little while later, Edward showed me exactly who it was Lisle had gotten his energy and excitement from. He pulled me through the store toward his office all bursting with energy, and when we got into the stock room he let go of my hand and walked over to grab the most beautiful surfboard I'd ever seen.

It was feminine, all whites and blacks and pink flowers. Very simple and shiny and new. And I loved it.

My mouth twisted into the biggest grin as I tore my eyes away from the board and turned my gaze to him. For week's I'd been using Jasper's old longboard, and now, Edward was giving me my own—one that would be only mine.

"You got that for me?" I asked, tears brimming because of his sweet gesture.

He nodded eagerly, looking a little bit nervous. "Do you like it?" he asked hesitantly.

I looked at him like he was nuts. "Yes! It's beautiful. And perfect. And so are you!" I launched myself toward him, kissing him soundly on the lips.

"What the hell—" Jasper called out from somewhere to our left. Before we could separate, he was standing there gaping at us and our decidedly less–than–innocent position.

He looked back and forth between us, his face hard. "Well, this explains a lot."

Edward was silent, and I stood there unsure what to say. How to explain? There weren't many options–the whole 'it's not what you think' route clearly would have been neither true nor believable.

No matter what we said… we'd been found out. And we had avoided discussing so many things, including this, that we had no idea how to handle this moment.

"How long?" Jasper asked when neither of us had said anything.

"Bro," Edward replied first. "I don't think—"

Jasper interrupted him, "I asked _how long_?"

My heart hurt, because I could totally understand at that moment how Jasper must have felt betrayed by _both _of us.

His eyes danced between us as he waited for an answer. I swallowed thickly and took a step toward him.

"About a month," I admitted.

Jasper stepped away from me, his face showing how he felt. Anger, hurt, disappointment and confusion were clear in his eyes.

He turned away from us with a noise of disgust in his throat. His hands lifted to his hair, running through it roughly like I'd seen Edward do so many times before.

When he turned back around, there was determination in his features. "E, what are you _doing_? She's my age. You realize that, right? My. Age. What are you going to do when Makenna finds out? She's going to rip Lisle away from you so fast you won't know what hit you. You know that bitch is just looking for reasons to fuck shit up for you because you won't take her back. What are you thinking? This has to stop. Now."

My heart slowly folded in on itself with every word Jasper said. I was hurt not only by how disgusted he seemed at the thought of me and Edward being together, but by everything else he'd said as well.

I finally understood just what Edward had been avoiding talking to me about. Makenna wanted him back.

Not only that, but if Jasper was right, if she were to find out, it sounded like she would use my relationship with Edward to try and take Lisle away from him. There was no way I could handle that.

"Jasper, you have no idea what you're talking about," Edward argued. "Mak has no say in who I do or don't have in my life, and it doesn't matter what she wants. You know her and I are never going to get back together. Never. She needs to see that, too."

Jasper just shook his head and then focused his eyes back on me. "Bella, he's what, eight years older than you? What are you even thinking?"

The tears I'd been struggling to keep at bay came forward then and a sob broke free as everything that had just happened, everything that had _been _happening, came crashing down around me. Edward dropped the surfboard in his hands and wrapped his arms around my shoulders, pulling me into his chest.

As much as I wanted to fight him, to push him away for not telling me the truth, for putting me in this position, I just couldn't. I was too far gone.

I needed him too much to walk away.

"Jasper!" Edward yelled, upset at how his brother's words had affected me. "Enough!"

"Fine," he replied, and though I couldn't see him, I could hear the emotion in his voice before he said his next words.

"I quit."

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><p><strong>Do I need to take refuge in the bunker again, or are you still with me?<strong>

_Thank you all so much for reading and for all of your loveliness._

**Reviews are love.**

_Until tomorrow!_

**xx**


	30. Chapter 30

**Disclaimer: I own everything but their names.**

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><p><em><strong>August 13, 2001 – Santa Cruz, California<strong>_

The weekend without Edward was long and confusing. Not to mention upsetting.

Heading in to work that morning, my stomach was a mass of butterflies. Only they weren't the good kind.

I was worried about how we'd left things on Friday before saying a tense goodbye. After the fight, I had been…_reluctant_, to say more than a few words to him. Could you blame me, though? He had to have known how upset I was after everything that happened with Jasper.

He'd slipped easily into "quiet Edward" who didn't speak to anyone before leaving to pick up Lisle, and when he came back, it was only to close up the store. Before we said goodbye, he kissed me on the cheek and said we would talk soon.

Over the weekend I half expected him to call, or to show up at my house. Maybe come into the shop. I kept hoping for it, but he never did.

As Saturday came to a close, I tried to forget that he wasn't around. I also tried to forget that I'd made plans with Jasper, because it was clear we were no longer friends. I had hurt him. I had been stupid. I hadn't thought of anything but getting what I wanted.

Most of all, what sucked was that I was hurting too. I wasn't just hurt, though. I was angry – with myself for allowing Edward to distract me, and angry at him for not telling me the truth about Makenna.

We were supposed to be partners. He was supposed to trust me.

The fact that he hadn't mentioned a word of it, and the fact that he'd skirted around the issue every time I asked, made me believe that he didn't trust me at all. His lackluster goodbye at the shop made me wonder if he was done with me now, if maybe I was only ever a distraction to him that had run its course.

Without him there to refute me, I let my mind wander down the deepest, darkest paths.

And so when I walked in that morning, the butterflies weren't surprising at all. I had every reason to be nervous.

The store was dark when I walked up, and I was glad that Edward had given me my own set of keys even if I rarely ever had reason to use them. I didn't want to be standing outside as if I was waiting for him when he arrived. I wanted to be inside where I could busy myself with something that didn't make me look half as sad as I felt.

The sound of his Jeep was unmistakable and I braced myself with a deep breath as I heard the door slam. He walked in slowly, his face apprehensive as he looked me over. There were deep, dark circles beneath his eyes and a purple bruise coloring his sharp jaw. His hair was a riot and, as the door shut behind him, he winced.

I knew I probably looked similar. I hadn't gotten much sleep, either.

Burying his hands in his pockets, he stepped toward me. "You all right?" he asked, voice soft and deep.

I crossed my arms over my chest and dug my fingernails into the skin of my biceps. I didn't say anything, but I did nod ever so subtly. It was enough.

He lifted his hand to his hair and sighed. "I went to talk to Jasper."

He said it so flatly, and I knew whatever had happened between them hadn't gone as planned. It explained the bruise on his cheek. I hated knowing he'd been hurt, but I couldn't deny we both deserved it.

"It didn't go well."

I nodded again as I looked down.

Edward took a step closer and lifted his hand toward me, but he didn't touch me. "Will you _please _talk to me?" he begged. His voice sounded so broken, and I lifted my eyes back to his.

"I don't know what to say," I responded.

He blew out a heavy breath. "I'm sorry."

I stared into his sad eyes, wondering if he even knew what he was apologizing to me for. If he knew me at all, he had to have known that it wasn't just us not telling Jasper about our relationship that was bothering me.

"Why didn't you tell me the truth?"

He looked away, closing his eyes tight as he grimaced. "I don't know. I didn't know how to tell you what she wanted. I didn't think it even mattered, because she's not what I want, Bel. She hasn't been for a long time. And I thought that if I just avoided it, everything would go away."

"You should have trusted me."

He looked shocked. "It wasn't you I didn't trust. It was her. I didn't want to hurt you for no reason."

"How many times do I have to tell you that I may be younger than you, but I'm not a child? You should have been honest with me. You should have trusted me enough to know that I would have rather known than be left out of the loop."

He stepped around the counter and leaned next to me, mimicking my position as he crossed his arms over his chest. He kicked at the carpet. "I know that now. I'm sorry… I just didn't think."

"No, you didn't."

He turned and looked at me, and I kept my eyes forward. He slowly lowered his forehead to my temple and his warm breath washed over my cheek. "Please don't leave me."

My heart swelled and I turned into him, nestling myself into his arms. His warmth, his scent, everything made me feel like we could fix this. Like we could make it, no matter what happened to us next.

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><p><strong>Half of you totally understood Jasper, and half of you didn't. I've said it before and I promise you, Jasper has absolutely <em>no <em>romantic feelings for Bella. He was hurt because his brother and someone he considers a good friend kept something from him that, if he'd been told sooner, he would have been completely supportive of. He felt a little bit betrayed that he gave up a lot to help Edward with the shop, and that neither of them put enough trust in him to think he could handle them being together. So, yes, his reaction was a tad dramatic… but he's young and he was hurt. And since you can't see his point of view, I thought I'd give you a little insight into his mind at this point in the story.**

_Thank you all so much for reading and reviewing and tweeting! I'm still in awe every single day with how much love these characters have received._

**Reviews are love!**

_Until tomorrow…  
>(There will be a teaser for Chapter 31 posted on The Fictionators this afternoon)<em>

**xx**


	31. Chapter 31

**Disclaimer: I own everything but their names.**

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><p><em><strong>August 16, 2001 – Santa Cruz, California<strong>_

"Edward," I whispered, shaking his sleeping form at my side. "_Edward_, your phone is ringing."

His bleary eyes opened and he stared at me in confusion. He turned and looked at the clock. My eyes followed his: three fifty-four in the morning.

"What?" he asked groggily.

"The phone, Edward. The phone is ringing."

His eyes widened and he sat up quickly, grabbing the phone from his nightstand. He cleared his throat as he pressed the button to answer. "Hello?"

As Edward listened to whoever was on the line, I reached over and turned on the light so I could see his face. Only bad news came in the middle of the night, and that worried me.

_What if it's my father?  
><em>  
>"What did you do?"<p>

His voice was sharp, angry, but when Edward looked at me, his eyes were wide and fearful. I wanted to scream at him for more information, but refrained from doing so – now wasn't the time.

"I'll be right there."

Edward ended his call and tossed the phone down on the bed, scrambling to stand up and fighting against the sheets wrapped around his legs.

"What's going on?" I asked as I watched him search the floor.

"Lisle," was all he said, voice choked and quiet.

My heart thundered around inside my chest as I watched him move frantically around the room. For some reason, I followed him out of bed and started searching for my own clothes, matching him move for move as he started pulling his jeans up his legs.

"What happened?"

"I don't know." He shook his head and looked at me, eyes glassy. "He was screaming…"

I had no idea what to say, how to behave. I wanted to comfort him, but I wasn't sure how. I wasn't even sure he could _be_ comforted in that moment.

As I stood there dumbly, Edward continued to move around the room. "Do you know where my shirt is?"

Snapping out of it, I looked around and saw one, grabbing it up off the floor and walking it over to him as he searched the top of the dresser for his keys. "Here."

He pulled the shirt over his head and shoved his keys into his pocket. Sitting down on the bed, he started pulling on his shoes without even bothering to grab any socks.

"Please come with me."

Even though I was already dressed and sliding in to my flip-flops I paused, unsure. Going with him was more than just getting scoped out by Jasper in the back room of the shop. It meant Makenna and Edward and me all in the same room at four in the morning – which wasn't exactly the time a _boss _grabbed his employee.

Also, if everything Jasper said about Makenna were true, I was afraid to even start to think about what might happen.

"I'm not sure… I mean, is it a good idea?" I asked.

He stopped moving completely and stared at me. "Please," he said, tears in his voice. "I need you."

Saying no to him wasn't an option at that moment, so I nodded and sucked up my fears. I didn't bother with changing out of Edward's shirt, and I didn't care about a bra, either. He needed me, and the consequences be damned.

Edward drove like a maniac through the dark, quiet streets of Santa Cruz, and when we arrived at the hospital, he found the closest spot he could to the Emergency Room. I followed him out of the Jeep and we rushed toward the door together. Just before we stepped inside, he grabbed my hand and held on so tight it was painful.

I squeezed him right back, wanting him to know that I was there for him.

At the Nurse's Station, he tried to communicate what he needed, who he was looking for. Being so upset didn't help and I finally had to break in and tell the nurse we were there for Carlisle Cullen, and that Edward was his father.

He bounced on his feet as she smiled sweetly at us and typed on her computer. "Oh yes, he's in room four."

"Can we see him, please?" I asked, holding on tighter to a very anxious Edward. His neck craned this way and that searching around the waiting room for the way to his son. I had never seen him look so scared or nervous before.

Sensing Edward's hurry, the nurse stood and led us through the closed doors of the ward, down a hallway and into another. That's when we heard Lisle crying. The sound was heartbreaking, so loud and scared and pitiful that it broke my heart. My fear ratcheted up a thousand times more: if he sounded like that, whatever happened had to be bad.

Edward stopped in his tracks and his reaction to the noise was immediate. His face fell and worry visibly shook him. I tried to stay strong, for him, and pulled him forward to keep him moving.

"He's just through here, sir."

As soon as his eyes landed on Lisle, Edward let out a painful sounding breath. He headed straight for Lisle, tugging me along behind him and completely ignoring the fact that Makenna was in the same room.

I avoided looking at her, instead focusing on the little boy who had grown to mean so much to me. He looked tired, and his face was pinched in obvious pain as the doctor examined his arm – an arm twisted in a way that wasn't natural. He was all tiny and frail, seated on a gurney in a set of blue pajamas, hair twisted all over and face streaked with fresh tears.

Suddenly he cried out, begging them to stop as they began to pull and place his arm correctly. His legs kicked and he scrambled closer to us. The growl in Edward's chest as it registered that they were hurting Lisle was immediate.

He glared at the man touching his son. "Is that really necessary?"

The man shrank back at the venom in Edward's voice. "Sir, we need to set the bone if it's going to heal properly. It cannot be avoided, we're sorry."

"Dada, it hurts," Lisle cried, face bright red.

Edward, realizing there was nothing he could do except try and offer comfort and distraction, lifted his free hand to his son's cheek.

"I know, Baby Boy. I promise it'll be over soon. And then you'll have a cool cast that everyone can sign."

"I will?" he asked, sniffling as his eyes squeezed shut and he let out a huge whimper.

When they opened, Lisle's red rimmed, teary eyes focused on me. "Will you sign my cast, too, Bella?"

I smiled and nodded as I stepped forward and kissed his cheek. "Of course I will, Little Dude."

"Will you stay with him for a minute?" Edward whispered to me and I nodded. He turned back to Lisle. "Bud, I'll be right over there, okay? I'm just gonna go talk to Mommy."

To keep Lisle from watching, or overhearing, their discussion, I tried to distract him by making funny faces. Unfortunately, his lackluster giggled responses only managed to cover parts of it.

"What the fuck happened, Mak?" I heard Edward whisper harshly.

From the corner of my eye I saw them standing close. Makenna looked a mess. Her hair was everywhere, and it was clear she'd been crying. Her hands wrung together in guilt as she stared back at him.

"He fell out of bed; I don't even know what happened! All I heard was him screaming and when I went in there he was on the floor."

"Why didn't you have the bed guard on it? I told you that bed was too damn high."

"I forgot, okay?" she shouted back at him as the tech who had been sent in to finish Lisle's cast walked into the room.

"Sir, Ma'am, could you please take that outside?" he asked, looking back and forth between the two of them.

"I'm not leaving him," Edward insisted, turning away from Makenna and moving back to my side.

While they finished Lisle's cast, Edward and I continued laughing and joking around with him to get his mind off of the pain. Of course he chose purple, because it was daddy's favorite color. He was all smiles and sleepy grins when Edward was the first one to sign it.

I did my best to ignore the piercing glares Makenna was sending me across the room.

When the doctor had left and Lisle appeared to be resting comfortably, that's when she finally went in for the kill, making exactly what I feared a reality.

"I cannot believe you would bring one of your whores here," she hissed quietly.

Edward just looked at her like she was crazy and ignored the jab. She wasn't satisfied with that, though.

"I'm glad you could tear yourself out of bed with her to come and make sure our son was okay."

"Fuck you, Makenna," Edward growled, his voice angry and even a little bit scary. "Just keep your mouth shut."

"Why should I, Edward? What would you do if I brought a guy here with me?"

He shook his head and laughed without humor. "I wouldn't give a flying fuck. Something you seem to have a hard time forgetting is that we're _not_ married anymore. What you do is your business, and what I do is mine. The only concern I have that even involves you is my son."

She looked hurt by his words, and I couldn't deny that I felt bad for her. She had to regret what she'd lost. As I watched them argue back and forth, I tried to convince myself that it was worth it. I prayed that Edward revealing his relationship with me now, when Makenna was so obviously already upset over Lisle being hurt, wasn't going to bite us in the ass.

It had already happened to us once with Jasper.

But there was no way I would have – or could have – denied coming to the hospital with him when he needed me. It could have been much worse than a broken arm.

After Lisle's discharge papers had been signed, Edward carried him out to Makenna's car and strapped him into his seat, kissing him over and over on the face to make him giggle, even in his sleepiness.

"I'll see you tomorrow, okay, Bud?"

Lisle nodded. "Night, Daddy," he responded sleepily, closing his eyes.

Edward shut the door softly and stood up. He looked absolutely exhausted.

"Yeah, about that. I think he should stay home with me this weekend," Makenna said.

"Absolutely not," Edward argued, shaking his head back and forth.

"I'm not asking your permission, Edward."

"The weekends are mine. Do we need to involve our lawyers in this? Because I can call mine right now." He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket, and even though it was nearing six in the morning, I had no doubt he'd would make that call in a heartbeat if Makenna tried to stand in his way of seeing Lisle.

She smiled evilly. "No, that won't be necessary."

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><p><strong>Please to be seeing <strong>_**cosmogirl7481**_** for your 'Makenna is a c*nt' t-shirt. Something tells me sales will be booming today.**

_Thank you all so much for reading and for making me feel like I don't suck. I hope you're still with me even if the road's a little bumpy._

**Reviews are love!**

_Until tomorrow!_

**xx **


	32. Chapter 32

**Disclaimer: I own everything but their names.**

* * *

><p><em><strong>August 16, 2001 – Santa Cruz, California<strong>_

Once we'd finally made it back to Edward's house after our night in the ER, both of us were absolutely exhausted, physically and emotionally. I knew it had taken a lot of our Edward to see his son like that, and the fighting with Makenna didn't help either of our states of mind.

Neither one of us could seem to sleep, though. I didn't know if it was the same for him, but my mind was going in a million different directions thinking about everything that had happened over the past few months. How we'd met, come together, and how, it seemed that while the two of us got closer, everything around us was unraveling slowly.

Even with Edward pressed close to me in his bed, my back to his front and his arm wrapped around my stomach, I felt a heavy weight on my chest.

His fingers moved softly against my skin, soothing my fraying nerves. "I'm sorry she said those things about you."

I sighed and snuggled closer to his warmth. "I'm…" I stopped and considered my words. I was afraid to tell him the truth after the night he'd had.

Simply put, I kind of felt bad for Makenna in the same way that I felt bad for Jasper. Both of them cared about one or both of us, and we'd hurt them by being dishonest about our relationship.

On the one hand, our deceptions had already driven a wedge between Edward and his brother; if it were to do the same and affect his relationship with Lisle's mother, and in turn, Lisle… I didn't know if I could handle being put in that position.

"I feel sorry for her," I finally whispered, choosing to be honest with him. I'd had enough not-talking for the previous month to last me a lifetime.

Edward took a deep breath, letting it out to sweep across my neck, and I knew if I could see him, his forehead would be scrunched in confusion. "How could you possibly feel sorry for her after the things she said?"

I shrugged. "People say things in the heat of the moment, especially when they're hurt or scared. I think she was hurt by seeing me there. I think… I think that if it were _me_, and I had done something stupid like letting you go, and then been brave enough to ask you to try again, that I would just… I don't know. I think it would crush me if I were in her position. And I feel sorry for her, because maybe before tonight she might have still believed there could have been a chance that you'd change your mind." I huffed. "I'm not really making sense, am I?"

"You make perfect sense," he murmured. "But I'm still sorry you had to be there for that."

"I'm not."

"She verbally attacked you more than once, Bella." His voice sounded incredulous.

"Yeah, but I wanted to be there for _you_. For Lisle. I will admit that I'm intimidated by her, by what she was to you… what she is to Lisle," I said, voicing my thoughts from the day when Makenna and I had first met. "But it doesn't matter what she thinks of me, really."

I felt him grin against my skin. "I was right."

"Right about what?" I turned my head so I could see his face.

He smiled. "You _are_ amazing."

I smiled back, remembering all those weeks ago when he'd said those words to me on the beach just before fireworks went off in the sky.

A few quiet minutes passed, and I played with Edward's fingers as I thought about what I wanted to ask him next. I wasn't sure if either of us was in the right mood – or frame of mind – to have the discussion, but since it seemed we'd already been found out by two of the three people we were trying to keep it from, well…

"Edward?"

"Yeah, Babe?"

"You know, when the phone rang tonight, my first thought was… well, just— What would you have done if it had been my father on the phone tonight?"

I felt Edward stiffen and he pulled back, letting me lie against his arm so he could look down at me from above. "I honestly don't know."

"Do you think… maybe we did this wrong?" I asked, looking away from him as I twirled my fingers in the material of his shirt. "That maybe we should have told people before…"

"In hindsight? Probably," he agreed. "But we can't change the past."

He was right; we couldn't change what we'd already done wrong. But we could try to make it right for the future.

I knew my dad would be upset about the news of my relationship with Edward, but I didn't want to see him react the same way Jasper had. I didn't like the thought of my father ever looking at me the same way.

"Do you think he'll ever forgive us?"

"Who? Your dad?"

I shook my head. "No. Jasper."

"Jasper just needs a few days to cool down."

"I hope so." I missed my friend. I even missed his stupid nicknames and corny jokes. And I knew Edward did, too.

"Me, too."

Both of us became quiet again, thinking through what we'd discussed. If Edward were anything like me, he was imagining how it would go when we came face to face with Jasper again. Mostly I hoped there would be no more hitting.

I reached up and touched his bruised jaw softly. "Edward?" I said again.

He chuckled and looked down at me. "Yeah?"

I stared into his bright green eyes. "I want to tell my dad _before _he finds out the hard way."

"Okay."

"And Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"I want him to meet Lisle, too."

He grinned and then kissed me, happiness pouring out of him at the idea. "Okay."

And I smiled for what felt like the first time in days. We'd had our fair share of bumps, but it seemed like maybe we'd finally figured out how to start making things right.

Sleep came easily for both of us after that.

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><p><strong>Let's just say I'm very glad my name is not Makenna. Ya'll are vicious… and I kinda love it. LOL! Thank you so much for reading and for being invested enough in these characters to be that mad at her. I shouldn't encourage the violence, but it kinda makes me happy.<strong>

_I don't usually do this, but my good friend __**cosmogirl7481 **__has a new story that just posted today. You don't want to miss it, so go check her out. She has a nice rack._

**Reviews are love.**

_Until tomorrow!_

**xx**


	33. Chapter 33

**Disclaimer: I own everything but their names.**

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><p><em><strong>August 17, 2001 – Santa Cruz, California<strong>_

That morning sucked. Jasper still hadn't returned, and he refused to talk either Edward or me, so Edward was forced to work on the floor instead of staying in his office. And grumpiness was totally not conducive to a positive working environment.

After our night of nearly no sleep, both of us were not mentally prepared to handle it when a stranger walked inside the door and said the words, "I'm looking for a Mr. Edward Cullen."

My stomach dropped as Edward and I looked at each other in confusion.

"That's me," Edward answered.

The man moved closer and held out an envelope. "You've been served."

I didn't hear anything after that. My eyes were glued to that envelope; I knew, even before he turned it over and flipped it open, that what lay inside was nothing but bad news.

Edward's hands were shaking. "I don't want to look at this."

"You have to," I said, trying to be supportive, when the truth was I didn't want him to look either.

"I know," he admitted sadly, sticking his hand inside and sliding the stack of papers out onto the display case.

My eyes moved quickly over the words, and the first ones that registered in my mind were in big, bold letters at the top:

_**Petition for Sole Custody**_

… State of California

… Makenna Cullen vs. Edward Cullen

"Fuck," Edward whispered as his hands curled around the stack of papers. He closed his eyes tight and turned away, still holding the papers in his flexing hand. The sound of paper crinkling mingled with the sound of his breathing as he heaved in and out and tried to calm down.

Just hours before we'd been cuddled in bed, discussing how we were going to handle my father, how I thought he'd be upset at first, but that he'd eventually get over it and understand that I'm not a kid anymore.

And now we were facing this…

"Can she really do this?" I asked stupidly.

Edward turned back to me, a frown on his pretty face. "Technically, yes."

"For what reason? You're an amazing father… what possible reason could she have for even thinking this was a possibility?"

His eyes roamed over the papers as he leafed through them and read. His frown only got deeper. "She's claiming that I parade multiple women in front of… she says I'm a—" he couldn't even finish his sentence as the papers crinkled again and he tossed them across the store.

I was suddenly _angry_. That … _woman_ could call me every name in the book she wanted, but when it came to Lisle… she had absolutely no right to try and separate him from his father for a reason as petty as not being wanted.

For her to try and use him as leverage to get back at Edward was just downright dirty.

"I'm closing the shop for the rest of the day," Edward said, rubbing his eyes. "I need to call my lawyer. I have to deal with this."

I nodded and looked at the door, wondering if he wanted me to stay or go. After all, I was the reason this was happening… and we already knew how I felt about being put in this position. There was no way I would stand in the middle of Edward and Lisle being together.

It would kill me, but if I had to walk away to fix this… there wouldn't even be a choice for me. I would do it.

Somehow I ended up in Edward's office staring off into space. In the background, I could hear him out in the shop discussing the papers he'd received with what must have been his lawyer.

I don't know how long it was before I heard him knock on the door and come inside.

"There you are." He came over and leaned on the desk. "He got a copy, too."

"What happens now?" I managed to ask, though I wasn't sure I wanted to know the answer.

"Now, he negotiates with Makenna's lawyer and we hope this whole stupid thing gets dropped." He rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands and sighed as he said the words, already looking beat up by this whole thing. And it had only just begun.

"What if it doesn't, Edward?" I blurted out, and then instantly felt bad for reminding him that he was in a very real position to lose his son because of his bitch of an ex-wife.

"I can't think about that." He looked down at his watch and then changed the subject. "I'm going to pick Lisle up from day care early. Do you want to come with me?"

I wanted to go more than anything, but I really didn't think it was a good idea. I needed time to think.

"I think I'm going to head home for a little while, get some sleep. Can I call you later?"

"Sure." Edward leaned down and kissed my forehead. "Lock up when you leave?"

I nodded, feeling bad that I hadn't offered to come with him to at least offer some kind of moral support. But this was big… this was the kind of baggage he'd warned me about. This was the kind of baggage he'd been afraid I wouldn't be able to handle.

And I had to ask myself a very important question: could I?

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><p><strong>Thank you all for reading and reviewing!<strong>

_Please know that I did take a bit of creative license here… but I also got some kickass advice from the fabulous **Legna989**, and she's awesome for letting me pick her brain._

**Reviews are love.**

_Until tomorrow!_

**xx**


	34. Chapter 34

**Disclaimer: I own everything but their names.**

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><p><em><strong>August 17, 2001 – Santa Cruz, California<strong>_

After an afternoon spent going around and around in my head, examining the possibilities and deciding whether or not I could do this, I was an exhausted bundle of messy thoughts and overwrought emotions. I wanted to keep Edward and this thing we had. I wanted to hang out with him for the rest of the summer on the beach and introduce him to my father. More than anything, I wanted to be selfish.

Juxtaposed with my desires, I knew that keeping him meant he could – and most likely would – lose the thing that mattered to him most in the world.

Lisle.

So my decision was made.

Raising my hand to the door, I knocked quietly, cautious of the fact that it was late and there was probably a sleeping child close by. My nerves were a mess, hands twisting in my hoodie and feet tapping against the welcome mat.

I had to do this now if I was ever going to do it; there was no other choice.

The deadbolt clicked and I took a deep breath, preparing myself as Edward opened the door and appeared in front of me. He looked all ruffly and adorable, like always. It made my heart clench.

"Hey," he said, offering me a weary smile. "I wasn't expecting you tonight."

I fidgeted and avoided eye contact with him, something I was becoming very good at. "I'm sorry it's so late, but I need to talk to you."

"Come in." He opened the door wider and I stepped past him into the foyer. A thousand memories hit me at once, all woven into the dark wood, the ugly green carpet, and the couch where we'd spent so many nights this summer.

My eyes burned with tears and I pulled in a shaky breath to hold them off. _Not yet_, I told myself. I couldn't fall apart yet.

"Let me take your coat," Edward said from behind me, and I held it in place as his hands touched me.

I shrugged away. "No… I, umm, I can't stay long."

"Bella? What's going on?"

After I'd arrived at home earlier, I found Charlie sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in his hand. It was all I could do not to bury myself in his arms and cry.

_"Dad, what would you say if I told you I didn't want to go to school in California?"_

_"I would ask you why, kid."_

_"And if I asked you not to ask, what would you do then?"_

_He looked at me, eyes soft as he studied me. "I would let you go if that's what you truly wanted."_

It wasn't what I truly wanted, not in the least. But if I did this… I knew there was no way I could stay in California.

"I'm leaving," I said, wasting no time in telling Edward the true reason for my unexpected visit.

"_What_?" He shouted the question, and then lowered his voice when he spoke it again. "What?"

He reached for me, but I stepped back and avoided him once again. I finally looked him in the eyes. "I said I'm leaving."

Edward's face fell, and he looked so broken. His eyes blazed as he stared at me, emotions passing from hurt to anger to fear, and when he spoke, it was with total conviction. "I know what you're doing, and if you leave me, _she _wins."

What he'd said was completely true, but in letting Makenna win, Edward was winning, too.

"If I stay, you could lose the only thing that matters to you!"

He blinked and surprise crossed his features. He was quiet for a few minutes, chest rising and falling as he breathed deeply. He stepped toward me and I watched his hands lift, hovering in the air above my shoulders. He didn't touch me, but I still felt the weight of his hands as if he'd grabbed me and squeezed.

"How can you _possibly _think Lisle's the only thing that matters to me?"

His lips crashed down on mine, pulling me under. Like waves in the ocean, I was caught in an undertow. All the breath in my lungs escaped as my back was suddenly pressed against the cold, wood paneled wall. I felt his body, his warmth; smelled his scent and everything I didn't want to let go of.

And I let myself swim in the wave of Edward one last time.

Hands grabbed and pulled and pushed, and he grunted into my mouth as his fingers tugged at the bottom of my skirt, pushing it up, up, and up until it was around my waist. He squeezed my hips as he lifted me up the wall, holding me there as if the weight of his body could make me change my mind. Hell, maybe he thought it could, I didn't know. His mouth continued to move against mine, kisses rough, tongue penetrating my mouth harshly, and I matched him push for push and kiss for kiss.

And I didn't care if I never came back from this, because I wanted him. Even if it was like this. Even if it was angry and fueled with confusion and sadness and begging to stay even though I was letting go.

"You matter," he told me, lips only a breath away from mine. "You. Matter."

I closed my eyes and tilted my head toward the ceiling as I felt him shift and wrap one of his arms beneath my butt to hold me up. He pressed his fingers against me and then pushed my underwear to the side so his hand could move freely. Up and down, in, out and then he curled his finger.

I moaned quietly, biting my lip as my hands scratched his chest. I held his shoulders to keep from falling when his hand disappeared. Eyes shut tight, I heard him fumble with his jeans. The unmistakable sound of a zipper clouded the noise of our heavy breathing and then I felt him pushing inside me.

It wasn't slow, or sweet. It was rough and raw and it was goodbye and I love you and I miss you and I don't want to let you go all wrapped into one. His hips moved quickly as he buried his face in my neck, breathing roughly and mumbling words I couldn't understand. The tears I had been trying so hard to hold in finally fell.

"Please," Edward whispered. "Please don't do this." Every word was pained and punctuated with the movement of his hips against mine. I didn't answer him; I couldn't. The words would be lost if I tried.

Instead I looked into his eyes and tried to commit them to memory, because I knew that when this ended, I would probably never have the chance to look into them again.

As his thrusts grew deeper and stronger, Edward pressed his mouth against mine and kept his eyes open. I continued to watch him, opening my eyes wide and letting him see into me; into my heart, my soul, and let him know without words that this wasn't what I wanted.

His sounds were heavy and raw and when he whimpered, a sound that matched his escaped my own throat. His thrusts suddenly became choppy, all over, quick and rough and his hands got stronger on my body and then he stilled and my name escaped his lips.

I don't know how long we stood there breathing heavily before Edward lowered my feet to the floor. Without looking at him, I tugged my skirt down my legs. I allowed myself one look as he bent and grabbed his jeans from around his feet. He held them in one hand while the other reached up and ran through his hair.

Deep down inside, in that part of me that railed still against my decision, I wanted to take it all back.

His face was pulled tight, glowing with a thin sheen of sweat. I looked up at him with teary eyes, and it was like he could read it in my face.

"So that's it then." It wasn't a question; it didn't need to be.

"You promised," he said, voice hard as he tried to get a reaction. "You promised to stay."

If I hadn't agonized over this for hours – days, even, come to think of it – I would have lost it right there. I had promised, and I hated to break my word, but this was so much more than me. I didn't respond because I couldn't let him see how much it hurt to let him go at all; let alone to do it this way.

I heard him button and zip his pants and then footsteps as he moved to the door and opened it. "I should have known better than to get involved with—"

He didn't say it. He didn't have to. I knew what he meant, and I didn't blame him. He didn't want to let me go without first hurting me the way I was hurting him. It was his goodbye and his fuck you all wrapped into one.

And even if my goal was to protect him – to protect his son – I deserved every bit of it.

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><p><strong>IT'S BAAAAAAAAACK! Finally. I felt like someone cut off a freakin' limb. I was scared I got hugely flounced, NEGL.<br>**

_Thank you for reading._

**Reviews are love.**

_Until tomorrow…_

**xx**


	35. Chapter 35

**Disclaimer: I own everything but their names.**

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><p><em><strong>April 11, 2011 – Santa Cruz, California<br>**_

"Dad! Could you come help me?"

I huff, because he's taking forever, and then I call for him again. I hate being short. Dad insists I'm 'growing like a weed' but I have no idea what that means. Besides, dads are _so _not supposed to know anything about weed! All I know is that I'm one of the shortest kids in my grade. It's cool though, 'cause I'm totally boss at art and catching a wave. The chicks dig me.

"How many times do I have to tell you about yelling through the shop, Carlisle?"

He never full-name's me unless I'm in serious trouble, so I grin as innocently as possible. "You were taking forever!"

He rolls his eyes. "What do you need?"

"I can't reach the top of the window; I wanna put a few pieces up there." I point to where I want the water as dad shakes his head.

"Here, give it to me." He holds out his hand and patiently listens to my instructions for getting everything just right.

It's starting to look awesome, and I'm still stoked he actually said yes to putting this on display. I really didn't think he'd be cool with it at all, 'specially since when Bella's name comes up he gets all cranky. But I worked super freakin' hard on it, and after I came home with a big fat 'A', I knew he couldn't tell me no.

It also helped that I had Uncle J on my side. He likes pushing Dad's buttons.

I think sometimes he mentions Bella's name just to see those wrinkles in Dad's forehead show up. We both think they're multiplying. I even get five bucks if I find a new one. But dad doesn't know that, and Uncle J says I'm not allowed to tell him or he's never paying me a dime again. I can't have that, because I gotta get the cool art supplies _somehow_. The ones Dad refuses to pay for unless I do chores around the shop.

Who the heck wants to clean glass displays? And why the heck do people have to touch _everything_ in here? I swear to… Ugh.

I shake my head and get back to work. Now that the layer of 'water' is laid out – it's really this sick metallic blue paper I found at a party store downtown that's been cut, rolled and curled – I carry the platform for the wave over to the window and Dad helps me lift it into the middle.

"Something's not quite right…" I move it just a little to the left… and… perfect. Gotta make sure it's perfect, so everyone who walks by can see what it says.

_. live . your . life .  
>. live . your . dreams .<br>. surf ._

"Looks good, kid," Dad tells me, reaching over to mess up my already messy hair.

"Stop that!" I smack his hand and jump away, narrowing my eyes.

He laughs, and I watch as his eyes settle on my wave. "What made you think of doing this, anyway?"

I shrug. "Just thought it'd be cool."

The idea just kinda came to me one day while I was messin' around. We save all her magazines, and she's been all over the world, and it's so cool that she knows so many surfers. I like the idea that, maybe one day, she'll see this. She'll visit, and then she'll remember me and tell me about all her friends, and it'll be so freakin' cool.

I want to ask her if she thinks Slater's gonna win his eleventh title this year. I think he is; he's pretty badass. I also wouldn't mind if she wanted to introduce me to Alana Enever… She's not that much older than me.

"It is pretty cool," Dad says, smiling at some customers who walk in.

I smile, too. The nice thing about hanging around the shop is when the girls come in to look at the bikinis. It's epic when they try them on, I swear. He steps away and I stop staring at the girls and get back into my zone.

I went through _every single _article she wrote after I decided to do this, and I swear it took me, like, two weeks, but I found everything I needed. After that, I built the base from the spare wood dad keeps lying around here at the shop, which wasn't easy, let me tell you. But I finally got it right, and then it was just about mixing up some papier-mâché and layering, layering, layering until it formed one big rippin' wave curling and about to break.

That's where her articles came in. I used the strips I'd cut out as the very top layer, alternating fonts and colors. Now it looks like some poetic version of a ransom note (at least, that's what my teacher said).

It's pretty sweet if you ask me. Then again, I'm the artist. Everything I do is pretty sweet.

Dad says not to count on her ever seeing this, but I still think maybe she'll come and visit us. And if she does, I want her to know _we_ definitely didn't forget _her_.

I know dad hasn't. He still stares at the pictures sometimes. He thinks I don't know it, but I see him when he comes into my room at night to make sure I'm not playing XBOX or posting on the internet or some junk when I'm 'sposed to be sleeping. He'll grab the frame and hold it and just stare.

I pretend I'm asleep so he won't be mad. And also 'cause I don't want him to know I see how sad he gets sometimes.

He used to smile when he told me stories about her, but he doesn't do that so much anymore. Maybe it's because I'm older now. Maybe it's because I ask too many questions.

Maybe it's because he doesn't want me to know he's sad…

Who knows? Adults are weird.

If he did talk to me about it, though, I think I would tell him it makes me sad, too.

He needs to smile more. He works too much, and it scares me when Uncle Jasper jokes around that he could end up like Grandpa Carlisle.

Good thing we're going on vacation in two days!

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><p><strong>This was not what originally went here, but this little dude is a chatty one. He started yammerin' away in my head the other day, and, well… I hope you liked him!<strong>

_Tomorrow brings exactly what you guys have been waiting for… Thank you so much for reading and reviewing and not flouncing me after yesterday. I lurve you all._

**Reviews are love.**

_Until tomorrow!_

**xx**


	36. Chapter 36

**Disclaimer: I own everything but their names.**

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><p><em><strong>April 13, 2011 – Honolulu, Hawaii<strong>_

_The door opens again, and I close my eyes. As if not seeing his face will make the man I know has just followed his son inside my quiet little hideaway suddenly disappear. As if I can just float away and pretend that this isn't happening to me._

_But when I hear it, I know that it is happening… and there's nothing I can do to stop it._

_"Bella?"_

_My name from his lips is all it takes to send me back to where we met, where it happened…_

_Where my life changed._

.

.

.

His voice is still ringing in my ears as I stand there and stare.

He still looks so much like the man I remember. Though it's speckled with gray, his hair is still unmanageable and messy; his skin is still painted a golden brown; that sharp jaw still forms perfectly around pretty, plump and kissable looking lips.

My heart beats, fluttering wildly inside my chest. I still don't know how to face him after what I did; how we ended…

Edward didn't just teach me to surf that summer – he taught me about life and love and heartbreak. I know now that I loved him then; I think I always have. But at eighteen, I didn't have what it took to make our relationship work. I wasn't capable or responsible enough to give him the support he needed after what happened with Makenna, no matter how much I cared about him.

…So I ran. Like the naïve eighteen year old girl I was, I took the easy way out and I disappeared.

Sure, I could have stayed like I knew we both wanted, but where would we have ended up? He might have lost Lisle. I might not have finished college. I probably would have never fulfilled my dream of traveling the world. Where else would that have left us but as two unhappy, resentful people probably blaming the other for decisions not made.

And it might sound selfish, but, though I regret giving Edward up, I don't regret what I got as an alternative. My life has been full of amazing adventures, faraway places and killer waves. He's the man I have to thank for that. He changed my life.

Seeing him here, now, all those old feelings I've buried for so, _so_ long, come rushing back. Like a wave breaking over sand, they ebb and flow, one into the other. It's hard not to remember his hands and the way they touched me, or his lips and the way they kissed me.

It's hard not to remember everything else, too. Like the last words he ever spoke to me and the ones I didn't speak to him. It's impossible to forget how heartbroken I was for so many weeks after I left California for South Carolina.

For the first six months of college, I was withdrawn, anti-social. I hated life. I hated myself.

But mostly… I missed _him_. I missed them both.

As time passed and I eventually forced myself out of the funk, I used the passion Edward had given me to make myself into the woman I am today.

There's a reason I haven't been back to Santa Cruz in almost ten years, though.

He says my name again, softer this time. There's a question in it. He knows it's me, but it's like he wants confirmation, like he wants to hear me speak.

And I'm not sure if I can, but I try. His name falls softly from my lips.

Edward's shoulders lift and drop and he lets out an exaggerated breath. From my peripheral, I can see everyone around us watching – waiting – for what's going to happen next. I'm sure Kai and Ahe are confused; they don't know about this part of my life.

They don't know what I did to this man all those years ago.

And Lisle… I can't even imagine what must be going on in his head right now. I'm still not even sure that he remembers me.

"Who is dis hunk of a man, _tita_?" Ahe asks me, breaking the awkward silence that's fallen.

A sound resembling someone choking slips from Edward's lips and I suddenly want to cover my face and giggle like the teenager I was when we first met. She's right, though: he's _still_ a total hunk.

Instead, I nervously clear my throat and gesture toward him. "Um, this is Edward. And his son, Lisle… we, uh…"

_How do I even begin to try describing who he was to me? Who _they _were?_

The simple truth is that I can't, so I go for the safe description instead.

"We used to know each other."

Though I would have expected some kind of hesitance, Edward doesn't appear shy about meeting my friends. He seems almost happy about it, which is confusing. He's the picture of calm as they finish introductions without my help, all polite hellos and dazzling smiles while I swallow down the bile rising in my throat.

As Kai begins to talk shop and Edward joins him, I'm thrown by the fact that he can appear so put together on the outside while I'm a tornado of emotions only a few feet away. It feels like he should be swept up in this whirlwind, too, fighting the winds and the rain and calling for Auntie Em right alongside me.

Then again, Edward always was the easy one out of the two of us. Always giving where I took, took, took.

Lisle's gaze remains on me as they chat, and I try my best to offer him a smile. There are so many things I want to say to him, so many questions I want to ask.

The biggest of those: _Do you remember me?_

I want him to, but then I don't. I don't want him to remember how I just disappeared from his life, because I know how that feels. My mother did it to me. And I've never wanted to resemble my mother in anything I've done.

Throughout the years, I've always rationalized my leaving by reminding myself that what I did, the way I left, was for _them_. But maybe that's not true… maybe it doesn't matter to him how or why or for whom, maybe it just matters that I disappeared.

Maybe he has just as much right as his father does to hate me.

Lisle steps away from the group, and I follow. I'm anxious, watching as his mouth opens a few times, though there are apparently no words. He stays silent, hands buried in his pockets as he rocks back and forth on his heels.

It hurts to see this. Before, way back when, he couldn't find enough words to say to me. He'd trip over words and jumble them all up in his excitement to speak. He was a whirlwind himself, so precocious and heart-melting that it was impossible not to adore him instantly. And now…

…Now he doesn't know me.

I sigh, shoulders drooping as I begin to flip through a pile of cotton t-shirts. I feel silly now for automatically assuming he knew who I was when he walked through the door – hell, maybe he was just wondering why the crazy older lady was staring at him like she'd seen a ghost.

"You remember me?" he asks quietly.

My stomach twists and I frown at his assumption that I could possibly forget him. My eyes burn, because who can blame him?

"Of course I remember you," I tell him honestly.

He smiles instantly, cheeks bright and pink. "I just… wasn't sure."

I cover my mouth with my hand, unable to say anything as I watch him, trying as best I can to fight back the emotion I feel. "I'm surprised you remember _me_…" I trail off. He was so young back then, not even four yet.

"Our pictures," he says, looking shy. "I still have them."

My hand falls and I can't help my smile. He doesn't need to explain. I remember the pictures, too, from our night at the Boardwalk when he'd forced us into that old photo booth. I still carry my half of the strip with me everywhere I go in the world.

"I still have mine, too."

Lisle smiles, moving his eyes from mine for a second to stare at the floor before he looks back at me. One hand lifts to his messy hair. "Can I hug you?"

Still smiling, I hold my arms open and he steps into them. And it feels a little bit like home.

"Can I still call you Little Dude?" I ask, trying to lighten this moment for both of us.

As he's pulling away, he's smirking at me, and the expression is so reminiscent of his father it makes my stomach flip.

I glance over at the others for a moment, only to find Edward is watching us. I want nothing more than to hug him, too. It'd be bliss to talk to him for hours, hear that soft acoustic voice of his tell me about every second of every day since the last time I saw him. I want to know if he still smells the same, all ocean and sunset.

I want to know if he's happy.

Selfishly, I can't help wondering if he's ever thought of me like I have him.

Breaking our look, I turn back to Lisle. "You guys here on vacation?" I ask, doing my best to remain casual so this can be as normal as possible.

He nods. "Yep. My dad has been promising forever to bring me, and he finally caved. Uncle Jasper told him if he didn't take a vacation, he was going to quit again."

Lisle cracks up laughing at this and my heart twists remembering the last time Jasper had reason to quit. Clearly, he didn't stay mad at Edward – it hurts, but I'm glad. Just one more thing my walking away made better.

Before I have a chance to respond, Edward has joined us. "What's so funny over here?" Edward asks, his eyes on Lisle as he wraps an arm around his son's shoulder.

"I was just tellin' Bella that Uncle Jasper forced you to come on vacation." Lisle snickers.

Edward laughs and shakes his head, pulling Lisle closer by tightening his arm. "You two think you're so crafty. Just wait until we get home, you're cleaning out the stock room."

"Dad!" Lisle whines and gives Edward a glare as he tries to wrestle free.

"Kai's going to help you with the wax you need for your board. Why don't you give me a minute alone with Bella?" Edward jerks his thumb over his shoulder and releases Lisle, giving him a playful push in Kai's direction.

He wanders away, leaving Edward and I alone. And I can't look at him yet. It feels like we're two planets orbiting each other, even though we aren't moving. It just feels that way, I guess: being so close to him always did make me feel a little dizzy.

"He reads your articles."

I jump a little and look up to see Edward watching Lisle across the store. Kai has him behind the counter and I can tell by the look of concentration on both of their faces that he's passing along good information about the best wax to use for certain surf situations. I'm sure it's nothing his own father hasn't already taught him, but he looks interested anyway.

"He didn't think I would remember him," I say in return, because it's easier to talk about Lisle than it is about anything else.

"I wasn't so sure myself," Edward says, and the comment feels off-handed, all under his breath.

I wonder if it was meant to cut the way it does. The twisting pain in my chest grows as I'm sliced open, and my eyes burn again. I deserve his bitterness, but it still hurts.

I look at his face, focus on his eyes. "I could never forget either of you."

Eyes that give away nothing of the feelings behind them are staring back at me. I hope he can tell that I'm being completely honest.

He gives me a quick nod, like he's accepting my statement. We both stay quiet, me fidgeting while Edward runs his fingers through his hair. I have _no _idea where we go from here, and I'm sure he doesn't either.

Finally, he crosses his arms over his chest, leaning back against the wall behind us. "You look good."

I blush, looking away. I don't have any idea what to say to him in return, because honestly, I'm afraid I'll say too much. Plus, I don't know what he means by that… and I can't even begin to start analyzing it until I'm alone.

"Have dinner with me tonight," Edward blurts out after a few seconds, and my gaze moves back to him. I know I must look like a fool as my mouth drops open and my eyes widen.

I'm tempted to ask him to repeat the question, but it's not necessary. I heard him perfectly.

The problem is, his question scares me to death. And as much as I might want it… I just don't know if it's a good idea.

He's watching me, reading my reaction the way he used to do so well. I'm afraid he can see inside me, like he knows exactly what I'm thinking.

"I don't think that's a good idea," I finally manage.

It should surprise me when he reaches out and grabs my hand, but for some reason all it does is soothe me. His grip is warm, familiar; strong like it used to be when I did something he didn't like. My eyes fall to his fingers, and I want more than anything to squeeze back, and to never, ever have to let go.

Instead, I wiggle to pull my hand away. He holds me tighter until I'm looking at him once again.

"I've spent the last ten years regretting the way I let you walk out of my life, Bella. I don't want to regret it again." His voice is soft but firm, and I freeze. My eyes move back and forth between each of his, trying to read him the way he always used to read me. These aren't words I ever expected. None of this is happening the way I pictured it.

In every scenario where I've imagined seeing him again, there was anger and pain. Just like the last night we were together. The night I let him go so callously and just… walked away.

The problem is that I never _really_ let him go. I never stopped thinking of him; hell, I constructed my life around something he'd given me. He's _always_ been with me.

Is it possible I've always been with him, too?

_There's only one way to find out…_

I open my eyes and finally allow myself to squeeze his hand in return. _Sink or swim, Bella.  
><em>  
>"How about a surf instead?"<p>

For me, the waves are safe. They're where I go to forget, and to remember; to cry and to heal; to live and to learn.

Obviously I've cried, and in some ways I've healed – on a professional level, my job and travels are everything I wanted growing up. I've lived a lot, and learned even more. I know now that professional nirvana isn't everything I want out of life. I want so much more.

I've tried for so long to forget…

So is it wrong if, tonight, I just want to remember?

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><p><strong>*peeks out cautiously* … was it what you expected? Gosh, I hope so.<strong>

_Thank you to each and every one of you for reading, Lisle and me are both strutting a little right now with how happy you make us with your words, js.  
><em>**  
>Reviews are love.<strong>

_Until tomorrow!_

**xx**


	37. Chapter 37

**Disclaimer: I own everything but their names.**

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><p><em><strong>April 13, 2011 – Honolulu, Hawaii<strong>_

The night air is warm and damp, the sky lit up by the moon and stars. I'm hurrying, my steps quick on the pavement. I want to be there first, appearing calm, cool, collected: in other words, the exact opposite of what I am right now.

"Friends, Bella. _Friends. _One surf. That's it. Don't make more out of this than it is."

I keep repeating it over and over in my mind as I walk.

After arriving back at the hotel, I'd dug through my suitcase looking at the bathing suits I brought with me, wavering back and forth on which one to pick. Bikinis were all I had, and I knew I shouldn't have hesitated when making the choice, but I did. I'm not as young as I used to be and, though I knew it was wrong, something in me wanted Edward to think I still looked good.

Which I knew was completely ridiculous.

After arguing with myself for fifteen minutes, I finally chose my favorite black one with a long sleeved surf top. As I dressed, I kept reminding myself this was just about two people who used to know each other sharing a surf. One time.

It didn't have to be about anything more than that.

I couldn't let myself believe it would be.

For all I knew, he had someone back at home. Granted I hadn't seen a ring, but there's no way a man like Edward stays single forever. He's too good of a catch for someone not to have hooked him already. And, as much as that thought makes my heart clench, I hope that whatever is going on in his life, he's happy.

As I draw closer, I take in the view because I can't let myself get lost in those thoughts again. The ocean is all blacks and whites as it rushes in and pulls back out. The gentle swish of the waves surrounds me as I drop my towel to the sand and kick off my flip flops. With my surfboard tucked under one arm, I don't hesitate at all to step into the warmth of the Pacific, allowing the water to crawl up my legs as the tide flows in and out around me.

I smile, enjoying the first moment of peace I've felt since early in the afternoon when my world literally flipped upside down and spun out of control. Of all the places in the world… I _still_can't believe it. What are the chances that Edward would show up here, now? It's like there's some cosmic force or higher power at work.

And I don't know what to make of that.

It seems like I should be happy it happened the way it did. For one, I wasn't alone – having my friends and Lisle there to act as a buffer should make me downright glad, but I can't be happy. Not yet.

Scared. Nervous. On edge. These are the ways I feel because I still don't know where this will lead. What in the _hell _I was thinking by asking Edward to surf with me tonight?

At the time it sounded like a good idea...but now? Now I'm beginning to question my sanity.

I move into the water, pushing my surfboard alongside me until I can climb on top and straddle it. I roll my shoulders and force the tension out, kicking my legs and rotating so I'm not facing the beach completely.

The fact is that today's meeting was pretty much inevitable. Even if Edward and Lisle hadn't come into Kai's shop, there's a good chance we would have run into each other eventually. This is a big island, but it gets smaller when you realize you're staying in the same hotel.

This meeting, however, wasn't inevitable…

I dance my fingers along the calm surface below me, moving them back and forth in the warmth of the water.

"You still have it." Edward's voice rings out, and it sends a whole different kind of warmth crawling over me.

There's always been something about his voice that just… does me in. I turn my head and catch him eying my board as he stands on the beach, his own surfboard tucked beneath his arm. His eyes are soft, glowing green and speckled with stars in the moonlight.

I look down, shrugging like it means nothing that I still surf with the board _he _gave me almost ten years ago.

"I have others, but I like this one," I say, trying to keep my voice level.

It's actually my favorite. It always has been.

From my peripheral, I watch as Edward smiles and then kicks his shoes off next to mine. He drops his surfboard and towel, and when he moves for the hem of his shirt, I turn back toward the ocean and squeeze my eyes closed.

I'm _so_ not ready to see him without his shirt on.

I bet the sight is still criminal, though.

Before long, I hear him behind me swimming, the splashing of his hands and feet as he moves to meet me in deeper waters moving closer and closer.

I'm not ready. I am _so _not ready.

My eyes scan the surf, and though it's dark, I find the wave I want and go for it. I plant my feet and hold my arms out at my sides, trying to enjoy the ride. I breathe in deeply and a smile crawls across my cheeks. The feeling of soaring through the air on water has never changed, and I'm certain it never will.

The wave takes a turn, pushing me to my limit and I dive to avoid a wipeout, going deep and coming up with air pushed from my nostrils in the form of bubbles.

When I break the surface and open my eyes, Edward is there, smiling with his arms draped over his board and fingers dancing in the water. His hair is wet, pushed back from his forehead… and I was right, he's still _so _beautiful.

"You definitely don't need a teacher anymore," he says, adjusting his body on the board and moving his fingers around in a circle.

I push my hair back behind my ears. "I've learned a few things."

"I imagine you have," he muses. "You spend your life around this."

My chest still squeezes a little in shock that he knows this, and I want to ask him if he's read the articles too, but I can't. Not yet.

Instead I say, "Yes, I do."

Two close friends from college, Em and Rose, helped me break into the surf scene right after college. They knew people who knew people who knew the _right _people. And I was a lucky girl with a brand spankin' new journalism degree who wanted to travel the world.

If it hadn't been for them introducing me to my editor in chief, Aro, who knew where I'd have ended up? If he hadn't taken me under his wing, I'd probably be writing obituaries for the Forks Gazette.

Thanks to some strings being pulled and a very good opportunity, I'm now lucky enough to call myself one of the most popular female writers in our small, but competitive, circle of publications within the surf scene.

It didn't come easily. When you're trying to break into the boys' club… let's just say they don't exactly play fair all the time. I'd done it though, and had a portfolio to prove it.

"You said Lisle reads my articles…"

"Yeah, he does. We all do, Bella."

I look away from him and bite my lip to hide a tiny smile. I like knowing this, but I don't know if I should tell him that, so I stay quiet.

I hear Edward sigh. "I don't blame you, you know. For the choice you made."

Sucking in a sharp breath, I look back at him. I knew eventually our past would come up, but it still shocks me. I know it's not like I can avoid it forever, but why start here?

Most importantly, how can he _not _blame me for what happened? Because I do. I was the coward who ran away.

"I blame me," I tell him honestly.

Edward's hands rise to his hair and the faraway look on his face makes me think he's remembering that night.

"Look," he starts. "Let's get this out of the way right now, okay? Did you hurt me? Yes. You destroyed me. I was angry at you for a long fucking time, Bella. And to be honest, if what happened today had happened say, five years ago? I might have walked away from you without saying a single word." He blows out a heavy breath. "But I was selfish. I was selfish to try and keep you. You had way too much potential to waste your time on me. I mean… _look _at everything you've accomplished."

My heart pounds and I stare at him, trying to process everything he's saying. I _have_ accomplished a lot. And I know I should be proud of that, happy even, but there's always been a cloud hanging over everything I've done.

I've never truly been as happy as I should have been.

I look up and squeeze my eyes closed. If he's being honest, I have to do the same.

"Accomplishments don't mean much when you have nobody to share them with," I say to the sky.

"No, they don't."

I look back at him and we're both quiet. Edward looks away first, blowing out another breath. I have no idea where we go from here, how we even begin to fix what I broke. I don't even know if we _can _fix it. I can only imagine what's in his head right now, and I don't envy him if it's anything like the turmoil going on inside my own mind.

"You _did_ have people to share them with, by the way." Edward says, and his words are full of conviction, tinged with a tiny sprinkling of what sounds like hurt.

"I— what?"

"You might not have realized it, but you shared them with every person who ever read one of your articles. With every person who read your words and got to feel, and learn and see what you saw by living in the moments you published. You definitely shared them with Lisle." He stops talking, and then, almost as an afterthought, adds, "You shared them with me, too."

It's the last of what he says that fills my stomach with butterflies. Something inside me likes knowing that Edward has seen what I've done; that he's read my words.

I don't like knowing, however, that all along he's been there when I wanted him to be and I didn't realize it until now.

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><p><strong>You guys are fucking awesome. Really. Thank you just isn't enough. Maybe this will be. ;)<br>**

**Reviews are love.**

_Until tomorrow (For serious this time)._

**xx**


	38. Chapter 38

**Disclaimer: I own everything but their names.**

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><p><em><strong>April 14, 2011 – Honolulu, Hawaii<strong>_

Edward spits water from his mouth and pushes an errant piece of hair off of his forehead, and I can't help watching. We hadn't made plans to meet here again, yet – even after the awkwardness we'd put each other through last night – here we both are, back on our boards in the moonlight….

"Looks like you got some sun today," Edward comments, motioning with his hand toward my face.

I reach up and touch my cheeks, warm from the sunburn I'd gotten this afternoon. "Yeah… I spent the day with Kai traipsing through the mountains on the other side of the island."

Something I've always found charming about my Hawaiian friend was that, even though he was a native islander, he still loves doing all of the touristy crap that I'd never had the time to do.

Earlier, when Ahe told me she's been feeling the pregnancy pretty hard, and she wanted some time to rest without him in her hair every five seconds, I was happy to give her a bit of a break. Kai and I had spent most of the afternoon on the other side of the island, and I have to admit we had fun. Even if he made me walk like, five thousand miles.

Of course I was having second thoughts when he started grilling me on Edward, telling me that my 'we used to know each other' description was complete bullshit. He was sly about it, though, waiting until we were climbing through the jungle to ask so I'd have nowhere to run.

For the first time ever, I finally let myself tell the story about what happened the summer when I met Edward, including the way it all ended.

_"You were both foolish, Izzy, but the past is the past, girl. There's a reason you two have been brought back together. Don't let a chance you've always hoped for pass you by." He looked at me, making sure I got his point._

_"How do you know I've hoped for it?" I asked, afraid that if Kai saw it… maybe Edward had as well._

_"I have known you a lot of years, Iz. I've never seen you look at someone like you looked at him yesterday."_

_I stopped walking then, mouth open and fists clenched. "I didn't look at him—"_

_Kai held up his hand. "Have you ever stopped to think maybe he's your hopena, tita?" he asked, and even without translation, I got the message loud and clear._

Maybe Edward _was_ my destiny. And if he was… then Kai was right. I couldn't let a chance like this one pass me by.

Last night, after our talk about my articles, I think Edward sensed I needed a break. Heck, I wouldn't be surprised if he'd needed one, too. So we did what we'd gone there to do in the first place: we surfed.

It wasn't until that moment that I realized how much I'd missed being in the water with him.

When we had finished, Edward pulled his shirt on while I wrapped myself in my towel, and we walked back to our hotel quietly. When the elevator reached his floor, it seemed like he didn't want to leave. He lingered at the elevator door for a moment, and just when he looked like he was going to talk, it started to close on him. His hand shot out and he laughed at himself before shaking his head. He stepped back and smiled softly, and with a soft 'goodnight,' he disappeared behind the closing doors.

Sleep didn't come easily after that, and, after traipsing all over with Kai earlier, today has been a long one. But something pushed me to come back here tonight.

Now, I just wanted to see if the same thing was pushing him. It was a full deck, and I was sitting on a couple of Kings; I only hoped he wasn't hiding a Royal Flush.  
>He hums, and I look up from the water I've been drawing lazy patterns through.<p>

"He seems like a good guy."

I smile; he doesn't know the half of it. "He's great."

"How long have you been friends?"

I close my eyes and think back to my first _Pipe Masters_, and the moment I came face-to-face with Kai for the first time.

"Almost five years, I think. Kai kind of…" I lift my leg out of the water and trace the scar on my thigh. "He helped me out in a pinch." I snicker and look over at Edward.

He's not looking at me, though. His eyes are on the scarred part of my thigh, all intense and angry-like. "Don't tell me you…"

I snicker again. I'm fully aware of how stupid it was to try and surf those waves. "Yes. I did."

Edward shakes his head, and I watch his hand reach toward me almost if it's moving in slow motion. The urge to pull away is strong, but the urge to stay exactly where I'm at is even greater. I hold my breath and try to stay still, but a shiver still works its way up my spine when he touches me.

_It's been so long…_

My eyes close as he slides his fingers, strong and warm as ever, across the raised, bumpy part of my thigh. _God, _I've missed those fingers. I've always known that no man has ever been able to touch me the way Edward used to.

The irrational part of my brain wants me to beg him not to stop; to touch me everywhere. The rational side knows that's just not smart.

My breath seems too loud in comparison to the gentle _swoosh _of the ocean around us as he pulls his hand away. He looks away and then reaches up to run his fingers through his hair, and I think I should say something…but I have no idea what. He clears his throat and then I clear mine, too. Like it's going to help or something.

"Uh, Jasper says hi," Edward says, completely changing the subject.

"You told him you saw me?" I ask as my gaze snaps to his face. For some reason I find it hard to believe Edward would have called Jasper to tell him we ran into each other.

He holds up his hands in innocence, eyebrows shooting up at my incredulous tone. "Hey, it wasn't me. Lisle was really excited to see you again… I swear the first thing he did was call home and brag."

Even though I'm a little uncomfortable, I can't help smiling as my heart gets all warm and fuzzy. I still love that kid.

"Way to throw your kid under the bus," I joke. It's easier than jumping into the topic of Jasper. I'm avoiding.

"As his father, it's my right to throw him under the bus if the occasion calls for it."

Maybe he's avoiding a little, too.

I snort and shake my head. "I was really happy to see him, too, you know. I can't believe how much he's grown. He's not the little dude I remember anymore."

"You have no idea. I swear that kid eats more than could ever be normal. I don't know where he puts it."

I laugh softly and look away while my fingers trace a pattern on the surface of my board. I swallow and take a deep breath, and then I just go for it. "I was also happy to hear that he's back. Jasper, I mean. That you two are okay."

From the corner of my eye I can see that Edward looks slightly uncomfortable, and I do feel bad for bringing us back here… but we have to talk about it sometime, right? I mean, wasn't _not_ talking about things what cracked the foundation of our relationship in the past?

"Yeah," Edward draws out. "We're okay _now_."

"Now?"

"Jasper's my brother. He was pissed before you left, but even more so after you were gone. He said it was all my fault and that I should have kept it in my—" he stops talking and looks over at me before shaking his head. "Uh, nevermind."

And that shit still bugs me!

"You can't do that!" I insist, kicking water in his direction.

When I give him an expectant look, he leans forward on his board. "Oh look, a wave."

I open my mouth to stop him, but before I can get another word out, he's paddling and standing up on his board to surf away from me. I want to be frustrated with him, but I can't. I didn't just realize how much I missed being in the water with him last night-—I also discovered how much I still love watching the way he moves. The way he owns the water so wholly and completely.

My eyes are drawn to his body, his hands, and his legs as he moves lithely over and around and through the water. It's like he's controlling the wave and not the other way around.

When he paddles back to me, I give him the best angry face I can manage. He has the nerve to laugh at me.

"What?" He tries to look innocent and fails epically.

I shake my head and stare up at the sky. The sun has gone down completely and the night air is cool against my skin. A shiver works its way through me and I dip my palm into the water, sprinkling it over my bare legs.

"He came back right after you left," Edward explains, picking right up on our conversation from before. "Esme told him about the lawsuit…"

I give him a nod in understanding. His face gets a faraway look, like he's remembering how it all went down back then. The fact that he's mentioned the custody suit makes my chest tight and I know that this… _this _subject is the one that will be most difficult for us.

There are questions I want to ask, but I'm not ready to go there yet. It's obvious Makenna didn't win in the end, because if she had, Edward probably wouldn't be in Hawaii with Lisle right now. I can't help wondering if she forced Edward to go through the entire suit just to prove he wasn't a bad father, or if my disappearing satisfied her enough to drop the whole thing.

"Oh," I say, not sure what else I can offer.

"He still thinks it was my fault, though."

I scoff at that. "It wasn't your fault, Edward. You didn't force me into anything."

"Yeah, well, Jasper saw it differently. I think he was mostly just upset that you left without saying goodbye."

"What was I supposed to do? He wasn't talking to either of us at the time." My voice is defensive, and I feel like maybe he might not just be talking about Jasper. I take a deep breath to try and calm myself down.

Edward shrugs like he doesn't know how to explain it. "You know him, he's as bad as a chick sometimes. No offense."

I snort. "None taken. If he's anything like I remember, you're completely right on that front."

"Oh, he's exactly the same. Well, almost. But honestly, he hasn't really changed a bit. Except that he's married now; has two little girls – twins – who are the spitting image of their mother, and who're going to make his life a living hell when they become teenagers." Edward snickers at this. "He only comes to the shop when I have nobody else to call. He's actually been working in advertising with the same firm for quite a while now. He's got a pretty sweet deal, too, gets to stay home with the girls. He doesn't like it when I call him Mister Mom, though."

"What about you?" I ask suddenly, not sure where the boldness is coming from. Things just seem to be falling out of my mouth before I can stop them tonight.

While I'd really _like _to know how he is… how he's been, whether I can handle it or not is a different story.

"I don't like being called Mister Mom either, but—" I narrow my eyes at him and he stops talking. He looks away for a second. "What about me?"

His eyes come back to mine and his eyebrows are high on his head. My eyes are still narrow and I add in a hand on my hip just for good measure. "Don't be difficult."

One side of his mouth twitches. "What's the matter?" he asks, voice playful. "Don't like having competition in the difficulty department?"

"I am _not _difficult." He gives me a look that says 'whatever' and I'm forced to concede. Half-way. "Okay, I'm still a tiny bit difficult."

He mutters something about 'a _tiny bit_ difficult' under his breath and then smiles at me. He takes a deep breath. "I've been… okay."

"Just 'okay?'"

Really, that's all he's got? There's so much unsaid in that statement. Just as I open my mouth to prod him again, Edward asks a question of his own.

"Are _you_ happy, Bella?"

I have no idea how to answer him, so I deflect instead. "We're not talking about me."

"We can be."

"But I asked about _you_."

I'm probably full on whining now, but I can't help it. I really don't want to talk about myself. What is there to tell that he hasn't read in the pages of Surf Magazine? I've been traveling pretty much non-stop since I graduated from college; I took any job they gave me, no matter where it was.

No matter how big or small the competition, or the gig, I took it, because traveling meant being busy, and being busy meant not having to think. For years I told myself that not staying in one place for too long meant never having to explain that I had somehow become an emotional cripple. I'd tried a few odd times, but had never been able to give my heart to anyone because I'd left it with a man in California who I never, ever pictured would want to talk to me again.

"And I asked about _you_," Edward pushes.

"Uh, uh," I argue, miming the zipping of my lips.

"Difficult," Edward coughs.

A few seconds pass as I try to think of something to say, some way to answer him. I don't know what he wants because the truth is pitiful.

No, I wasn't happy. I'm not happy.

Truth is, there's only so much one person can take before they start to become a little crazy being by themselves all the time. I liked going to all those places, liked seeing new things and meeting new people, but I got tired of being alone all the time. Never having a place to really call home was emotionally draining.

I got tired of being independent and what I craved, more than anything, was a family; friends; a home and a job that allowed me to stay in one place.

I needed roots. I _wanted_ roots.

"I quit my job," I say, and then I slap my hand over my mouth.

"_What_?" Edward asks, a smile ghosting across his cheeks. I think he knows I didn't mean to say that.

"I didn't mean to tell you that," I admit with my hand still covering my lips. It comes out all muffled.

"Why not?"

"I don't know."

"Yes you do."

"I'm moving back to Santa Cruz." I smack my forehead. What the hell is going on with me?

Edward is quiet for several seconds, and then asks in a quiet voice, "You are?"

I nod, but I can't look at him. My heart is pounding so hard I can feel it down to my toes.

"When?"

I don't answer him, and he comes closer. One hand reaches out and touches my arm.

"Bella?"

"My father's new house closes on May tenth, I'm supposed to stay with him for a little bit," I say, looking at his fingers on my thinly covered skin.

We're both quiet then, and I don't know what else to say. I don't know where this leaves us… or where it could possibly take us.

"Bella?" Edward whispers my name this time, and I finally look at him. I have to.

"Yeah?" I ask.

"Would you have come to see me?"

I look away, staring out at the water as I think of all the times I've imagined myself back in Santa Cruz. There have been a thousand ways I've pictured myself walking into _CC Surf & Skate_ to see him again after so many years: conversations I made up in my head, reactions I'd tried to piece together from previous knowledge of the way his face looked when he was surprised, or happy, or mad.

I'd been thinking about this for some time, only finally putting an end to my up and down, all around worries a few weeks prior. My life wasn't as fulfilling as I'd once dreamed, and I'd known for weeks I was ready to face up to my mistake from all those years ago, be the outcome a joyful reunion or just a cleansing of my soul. I'd picked a place out, told my boss I was leaving, and took a much needed vacation, not knowing at the time it would push me to show my cards earlier than I planned.

Honestly, there was only one answer to his question: as scared as I had been of coming face-to-face with him again, I was more scared of having to live the rest of my life without ever seeing him again.

"Yes."

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><p><strong>Um, so I have all the chapters back… and edited… expect more tonight.<strong>

_Thank you all so much for reading and to those of you who take the time to review or tweet or just chat on FB or EV or wherever. I seriously read everything. It really means so much to me. NEGL, I'm probably going to spend all day crying tomorrow without you guys._

**Reviews are love.**

_xx_


	39. Chapter 39

**Disclaimer: I own everything but their names.**

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><p><em><strong>April 17, 2011 – Honolulu, Hawaii<strong>_

"Fancy meeting you here."

I look up from my chair, my heart already beating a little funny as I take in the copper colored hair and dark brown skin that's still so familiar to me. Though it's easier now to deal with seeing him again, it's hard not to squirm with discomfort as he smiles down at me.

"Likewise," I reply with a nod of my head and a smile of my own as I stand up from my chair. From behind Edward, Lisle waves at me and I wave back.

"Guess what, Bella? Dad's taking me snorkeling!" Lisle says, saving us both from any awkward silences..

I can tell he's excited by the way his eyes brighten and his cheeks get all pink. His happiness is so infectious my smile quickly shifts into a grin.

"Oh yeah? Where?" I ask as my eyes dart back and forth between the two of them.

"Hanauma Bay," Edward answers, shifting from foot to foot.

"Oh, you're gonna love it!"

He nods. "That's what I've heard."

"You should go to the grocery store and get some frozen peas first," I tell Lisle. He gags and Edward looks puzzled. I laugh and reach out to ruffle Lisle's hair. "They're not for _you_ to eat. They're for the _fish_."

They both continue staring at me like I'm crazy.

"Just trust me," I say.

"Can we go get some, Dad?" Lisle bounces up on his toes and Edward nods with a laugh.

It gets quiet, and this awkward feeling surfaces in the pit of my stomach as we stand there for what feels like hours. I'm avoiding Edward's eyes, and _wow… look at that painting, is she… oh, yep, she's naked_. A throat clears and I snap out of it. I finally look up.

"So… What are _you _up to today?" Edward asks.

I'm not sure I want to admit that I have no plans except to curl up in my hotel room with my book… or maybe watch some bad television.

"Um, I was just going to hang out here today… you know, read a book or something." It's then that I realize I'm keeping them from their trip. "You guys have fun."

I take a step back and start to wave when Lisle speaks up.

"Who wants to spend their day reading?" he asks with a sour look on his face. "You should totally come with us."

I shake my head immediately and hold up my hands. "No, no… I don't think—" But then I stop, because I honestly don't know what I think. This whole situation is just… strange. I mean, I would love to go with them. The question is, _should_ I? Is this weird?

This should be weird, right?

Of course I've expected it to be weird from the first moment we saw each other in Kai's shop, but nothing that's happened this week has been at all like I expected. It's been easy, and for lack of a better description: nice. It's been really nice. Maybe…

Edward's free hand buries itself in his hair, and I can tell Lisle's invitation has made him nervous, too. What I wish I knew was if he's nervous because he wants me to agree to come, or nervous because he's been put in the position of having to let me come if I agree.

"Aw, come on Bella," Lisle says. "It'll be way funner than reading a stupid book, I swear. Dad, she can come with us, right?"

Edward snaps out of his hair fingering trance and looks back and forth between Lisle and me. He still looks a little nervous.

"Of course, yeah, you should come." He shrugs and buries his hand in his pocket.

And I hate that he's not easier to read right now. I don't know what he wants.

"I'll just hold you guys up, I don't even have my suit on or anything." I gesture to myself and try to step away again, but it's Edward who stops me this time.

"It's cool; we'll run to the store and get some peas while you get ready. We can meet you back here in, like, a half hour?" he offers.

His eyes are bright and so, so much prettier than I remember. Looking into them, seeing now that there's eagerness and perhaps even a little bit of fear, makes me feel like I can't say no. Which is good, because the last thing I want is to say no to him. But I also don't want to appear overeager. This is just… so much to handle, seeing him, being with him and trying to comprehend the fact that maybe _he _wants to spend time with _me _too.

He wouldn't have offered if he didn't, right?

So I nod, agreeing to tag along. His answering smile makes my insides all warm and happy. And there may just be some whistling while I rush back upstairs to change and grab my things.

I don't think I've been this excited in years.

When the guys pick me up in front of our hotel, Lisle quickly shows me that he has four bags of frozen peas. I can't help laughing because he's in for a surprise when he dumps those into the ocean.

_I really hope he isn't afraid of fish._

As he chatters away, I'm struck once again with just how normal and easy this feels. For all the places I've visited throughout the world – in this car, with Edward and Lisle is the most at home I've felt in a long, long time.

As usual, Hanauma Bay is crowded. Every time I've been here the beach is always full, the bay overflowing with kids and families here, there and everywhere. It's a gorgeous spot, though, so I can see why. The water is a clear turquoise blue, and shows off the reef that hides just below the surface.  
>After much (failed) arguing on my part, Edward pays our admission, and once we've got our snorkel gear, we head down the beach to find a spot for the day.<p>

"I'm buying lunch," I insist, still pouting a tiny bit.

Edward rolls his eyes. "Difficult."

"I'll show you difficult," I mutter under my breath. He just laughs.

Once our towels are spread out and the boys start removing their shoes and shirts to go about getting all sunscreened up, I realize I'm dilly-dallying a little. I opted for a pair of board shorts with my purple bikini today, and for some reason, I'm still nervous about Edward seeing me in so little clothing.

It's not dark right now, and I mean, I realize he's seen me without _any _clothes before… but that was a long time ago. I was younger, perkier and skinnier then. I have curves now, and my body isn't quite as tight as it used to be. It's especially hard not to feel self-conscious after looking at him in his black board shorts. They still hang low on his narrow waist to show off that tiny strip of white that's underneath.

Unconsciously, I lick my lips as I watch his hands rub sunscreen across his chest. The muscles in his arms tighten and flex and _God, time has been really good to him._

Edward looks up and catches me staring, and I look away quickly even though I know I've been caught.

"Did you need some sunscreen?" he asks, and I can almost hear the smirk in his voice.

"I put some on when I went upstairs to change," I explain, my hands a little flaily. When I chance a look at him from the corner of my eye, I can see he's looking, too, and I hope he appreciates that I remember what purple does to him.

It always was his favorite…

Seconds later, Lisle's suited up with flippers, a snorkel mask and the tube hanging out of his lips. He has the bags of peas in his arms and he's bouncing a little. A laugh snaps out of me at the sight of him, and he grins around the plastic in his mouth like a kid with an orange peel.

"You are such a dork," Edward tells him, laughing too.

"Come on, Dad!" Lisle says, his voice all nasally. I bend over and grab my own mask and tube.

We're both still snickering as we follow an exuberant Lisle into the ocean. The water is warm and the sun is high. It's a perfect afternoon.

Lisle immediately dips his face into the water, not conscious of the fact that the tube only goes so far before he can't breathe through it anymore. He comes up coughing and sputtering.

"Salty," he coughs out, spitting dramatically.

"You're not very good at this," I tell him.

"Hey, it's my first time! We can't do this back home!"

I smile, but there's a twist in my chest that reminds me of how many first times I've missed with this boy. I'm thankful that if I never get to see another, at least I have one to count as my very own.

We go about waist deep and I hold my hand out for one of the bags of peas. Lisle and Edward are close, watching me. I tell Lisle to stay where he is and step back a little; Edward follows me. I tear open the bag of peas and grab a handful before looking back up at Lisle.

"You ready?" He nods excitedly. I lift my arm in the air and start to launch the peas in his direction. "Watch the water," I look over and tell Edward. He's not watching his son, though. He's watching me intently, a little smirky-smile pulling one of his cheeks higher.

My tummy flutters, and as much as I don't want him to look away I still clear my throat and point to Lisle. Edward blinks slowly and straightens up, turning his head quickly in the other direction as I let my handful of peas go.

As they rain down on the water, the fish appear. One…two…ten…twenty, until it seems like there are a hundred. Lisle screams and his mouth stays open as they swim around him, fighting for the peas in the water.

"More! More!" he insists. "Oh my gosh they tickle!"

I throw another handful, and he screams again. He looks happy and he's smiling, and so am I. It's always been hard not to smile around this kid.

Edward joins in and grabs some peas of his own, surprising me when, instead of throwing them at Lisle, he drops them in front of me. The fish swim up quickly, swirling around me, brushing my skin as they fight for a taste of the frozen goods in the water. Edward laughs as I lift my arms and hold still.

"Payback is a bitch," I whisper, grinning.

His eyes widen and he laughs again. "They're just fish!"

"Oh yeah?" I pull out a handful and toss them in his direction. He squeals like a girl and splashes to get away while both Lisle and I are laughing so hard we're in tears.

"You are _so _dead." He dives into the water and heads straight for me. And it's so not fair, because he's bigger and faster and stronger. As fast as I'm trying to move, he still catches me, grabbing my hips and pulling me back against his chest.

"Gotcha," he says, warm breath in my ear and strong hands holding me in place. My eyes close as I breathe in and out, fighting the urge my body has to melt into him. Instead, I stiffen, all too conscious of the fact that we're in public and Lisle is here.

And we're not ready for this.

As if sensing my change in posture, Edward lets me go and takes a step back. "Sorry."

"It's okay… I just—"

"You don't have to explain; I get it." His face falls and I want nothing more than to bring back the happy, smiling, playful Edward of just minutes before.

"Dad!" Lisle calls out, drawing Edward's attention away from me.

The moment is gone but definitely not forgotten.

We both spend the rest of the afternoon with our attention focused on Lisle and his excitement over the fish. We're avoiding again, but I know now that it's time to talk about this. About us. About what happened.

About where we go from here… because even if we can't be together, there's no question after today that I want him in my life. I want them both in my life.

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><p><strong>These two have never been quick about anything, have they? We have one regular full-length chapter left, and I'll post it after I get home. Epilogue will follow shortly after. That is, if I don't re-write it like I did this one. All mistakes are mine if you find one, because I am compulsive and cannot leave shit alone. Also, the pea trick? Totally true. Try it sometime.<strong>

_Thank you to everyone for your kind words, I appreciate them more than you know. And I really needed them today._

**Reviews are love.**

_xx_


	40. Chapter 40

**Disclaimer: I own everything but their names.**

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><p><em><strong>April 17, 2011 – Honolulu, Hawaii<strong>_

When we arrive back at the hotel, waterlogged and sunkissed after our day at the beach, the sun is low in the sky. It's all pinks and oranges and beauty everywhere, even when I'm not looking at the sky.

Things had gotten a little better after our moment of awkwardness, and now that the night's ending… I'm afraid it might return. Lisle's been chatty and excitable all day which has made it easier for us to continue our pattern of avoidance, but that can't last forever.

I'm positive that I no longer want it to.

As we pull up, the Valet comes around and opens the door for me, offering his hand as I step out of the rental car. The boys follow me out, and Edward sets about exchanging his keys for a ticket before grabbing our things from the trunk.

Lisle's bouncing on his toes almost immediately. "Dad, can I go to the arcade?"

"Yes, but you know the deal. Back in the room by _eight_. And if I'm not there, I'll be calling to check on you." He gives the stern-daddy look, and Lisle rolls his eyes as he holds out his hand.

"I know, I know. Money please?" He bats his eyelashes and tries to look so very innocent. I have to cover my mouth to hide a giggle.

Edward pulls out his wallet and gives me a playful glare as he hands Lisle a ten dollar bill. "That's all you're getting; make it last, dude."

"Thanks Dad!" Lisle shouts, already running away. He stops and turns back, running over to me and wrapping me in a hug. "See ya, Bella!"

I wave to him and stick my hands in my pockets as he takes off again.

Edward closes the trunk and we walk quietly toward the lobby. "Surf tonight?" he asks.

As much as I'd love to be on the water with him, I don't want surfing to stop us from doing the talking we actually need to do. "No, I think I'm watered out."

"Yeah," he trails off.

We walk inside and start in the direction of the elevators. My eyes are on the floor and my steps are slower than normal. It seems his are, too. I don't want to say goodbye to him yet, but I'm scared to admit that out loud.

I'm scared to tell him lots of things.

Suddenly, Edward stops walking and looks down at me.

"I don't want to leave you, yet." His words fill my stomach with butterflies.

"I don't want to leave you, either," I admit, breathing a sigh of relief that he feels the same.

"Take a walk with me?" he asks.

Without waiting for an answer, he reaches down to grab my hand and pulls me along behind him as he heads in the opposite direction. He leads us to the hotel courtyard where the botanical gardens are, and as soon as he pushes the door open, the sweet smell of beauty hits me. There are flowers in every color of the rainbow, and even in the diminishing light of the day, it's gorgeous.

Just like the sky outside, it doesn't compare to him, though.

The humid air swirls around us as we walk slowly along the stone pathway, both quietly enjoying the plants and flowers around us. He hasn't let go of my hand yet, and I can't help the warmth touching him makes me feel.

And I want him to know that. There are lots of things I want him to know. So many things I've planned to say, have imagined saying over and over a million times, but now that the moment has come, my lips can't seem to form the words.

Our steps grow slower and slower until we're almost not moving at all. The swish, flip of my shoes on the stone below us is the only sound around us until Edward finally speaks.

"We're leaving soon."

I'm one step ahead of him, and I stop. My teeth find my bottom lip as I turn, eyes focused on where our hands just can't seem to part. It makes my heart all thump-thump in my chest to think of them leaving.

This week has been… amazing.

If it did anything, it confirmed for me that being back with these two can been easy; like breathing. Just like it was back in the day. I'm not ready to let go of it yet, because what happens if we can't find it again once I'm back in the same city as them?

All week we've danced around our past, hell, we've danced around our future. We've even danced around the present.

But the song must be ending, because it appears our dance is about to end.

I'm not sure it's appropriate to admit the thought that's loudest in my head right now: I don't want them to go. And I want them to take me with them when they do, because I never want to have to say goodbye again.

When I don't speak, Edward's face tightens, jaw twitching as his eyes roam across my face. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" I ask.

"For lots of things, Bella." With his free hand, he rubs his forehead and squeezes his eyes shut. "I'm sorry for putting you on the spot right now. I'm sorry that you can't talk to me anymore. I'm sorry that I let you go. No, that's not right. I'm sorry I let you go the way I did. I'm sorry I wasn't smart enough to come after you sooner—"

This news shocks me. I look up at him slowly and take a deep breath.

"You came after me?" I interrupt, my throat tight and voice squeaky. I didn't know this and it hurts to hear.

Edward nods. "You left so quick…" He shakes his head. "It was like you couldn't get away from me fast enough."

Now I'm shaking my head, too. He has to know the truth. I squeeze his hand. "That wasn't it at _all_. I had to go, Edward. I had to go. After that night… I knew if I stayed— I couldn't stay." His hand tightens around mine, and I take another deep breath. It's time to stop running away.

"Why?" he whispers.

"If I'd stayed, there would have been no way I would have been able to keep myself away from you."

He sighs and looks away from me. He's quiet for several seconds, and I can tell by the twitching in his jaw that he's collecting his thoughts; planning his words.

"I already told you the other night that I don't blame you for the choice you made, and I meant that. But I still need to know this. _Why_ did you make it? Why did you make it without giving me a chance to fight? Because I would have fought. I meant what I said that night: you mattered. You've _always _fucking mattered." He drops my hand and lifts his arms, locking his fingers behind his head. His final words are a mere whisper, floating in the air.

And as they hit me, I begin to crumble. Tears are leaking from my eyes and every part of me is tingling with regret. He's right; I never gave him the chance to stop me, and I've never forgiven myself for it. All this time I've been running because I didn't believe he could ever forgive me for it, either.

"I thought I was doing the right thing," I try to explain. "I couldn't deal with being the reason you lost your son. I couldn't be the reason you had to go through _any_ of that."

His jaw tightens. "But I had to go through it anyway, Bella. She didn't stop the lawsuit just because you were gone. She had a point to prove, and she was determined to prove it. And it wasn't just that I had to go through it, it was that I had to do it without _you_."

I swipe at my cheeks and take a step closer to him. Everything he's saying hurts, but these are the things I need to hear.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I did what I did. I'm sorry I wasn't there, and I'm sorry you had to go through that alone. I thought I was doing the right thing. I was young and stupid and I never should have—" I stop, trying to compose myself, but I can't. I'm ashes blowing in the wind, and nobody can stop it.

I've been fighting this for so long… these feelings, these truths. It's the most painful thing in the world to admit and to face one's own mistakes, especially when the biggest mistake of all is standing right in front of you. I turn away, rubbing the palms of my hands against my eyes. I suck in and blow out a few deep breaths. It's easier to talk without looking at him.

"I thought it would be easier. I thought if I left and Makenna didn't have to worry about me anymore it wouldn't even be an issue. I just… I was trying to help you. I was trying to protect you and to protect Lisle, and I didn't—"

"It was never _just _about you, Bella," he interrupts. "It was _her_. She had those papers drawn up months before I was served. Months! She was waiting for a reason. She was waiting for some way to hurt me. And you were it. I should have realized it at the time. I never should have asked you to come to the hospital with me, because I knew she wouldn't be happy. And I should have talked to you about all of that, about her advances or invitations for dinner or to come by and see us on the weekends. But I didn't because I didn't want to hurt you. I wanted to protect _you_. And then I just wanted to show you that you mattered, that I didn't want you to be some kind of dirty little secret. And it blew up in my face."

"So if I was trying to protect you and you were trying to protect me, why didn't it work?" I ask, voicing my frustrations at what seems to have been an epic misunderstanding.

God, if we'd just talked more, told each other what we were thinking…

I don't expect him to answer. I don't expect to feel him closer, behind me. I don't expect his gentle fingers on my shoulders or the warmth of his breath on the back of my neck.

"Because we started something that couldn't be finished back then."

My eyes fall shut and I try to keep my voice clear when I ask, "Is that what this is? Are you trying to finish it now?" And I know it's stupid to ask him this. Of course that's what this is. It's closure, for both of us. Even if we never see each other again… maybe now he can move on.

Maybe we both can.

"I'm not trying to finish anything," he replies, voice soft and strong as his arms move to circle my chest, caging me in. It feels too soon, like I don't deserve his comforting touch. But he holds me tight, and I can't stop my body from sagging against his.

With him being so close, I can't help notice how familiar all of this is: Him, me; the way he holds me; the way he still smells exactly the same, all sunshine and man.

"I _never _wanted to be finished with you. Then… and especially now. I don't know what kind of fucked up, stars aligning, mumbo-jumbo-bullshit happened for us to both end up here at the same time…" I can't help it, I snort. He chuckles too. "I don't know what it is… but I'm not sorry it happened. I'm happy… just these past few days with you have been the happiest I've felt in… a really, really long time."

"Me, too," I admit, and his arms pull me even closer. "I've tried so hard to forget you, and I couldn't… I can't. Those other men—"

He stops me with a growl in his throat. "I don't want to hear—"

"But it's the truth. And I want you to know everything. I tried so hard. I tried…"

"I tried, too," he says, a heavy sigh following the words. "But it never worked, Bella. It never worked because they weren't _you_."

A heavy feeling descends over my whole body; it's powerful and strong, almost draining. But it feels good at the same time. Because, as much as I hate knowing he was with other women, I like knowing that just like me and the other men I tried to be with, it didn't work.

"What do we do now?" I ask quietly.

"Now? Now you come home, Bella."

Edward pulls his arms back and uses his hand to pull me to face him. And then his hands reach out for my face and his breath touches my lips, and I lose all self-control. Just like the first time I dove into this with him, I'm a little afraid of drowning, but the fear doesn't stop me. If anything it pushes me forward.

I lift my hands against his chest and curl my fingers into the soft material of his shirt to bring him closer as I rise up on my tiptoes. My face lifts as his descends and then it's just lips that are slow and cautious and so, so warm and soft. He doesn't try to deepen the kiss or take things further than either of us is ready for, and though my body's screaming at me to take him into my hotel room and feel every inch of him, I'm thankful that he understands we need to take this slow; that he feels the same.

"Please come home." He pulls back only an inch before kissing me again. Just a quick touch of lips against lips.

It makes me smile against his mouth, and I can feel that he's smiling, too.

"It can't possibly this easy… can it?" I breathe out, because really… _can_ it?

He looks into my eyes, all emerald intensity. "Who says it can't be?"

I shrug. "I don't know. This is fast; it's only been a week… we don't know each other anymore... I hurt you. I just—"

He puts a finger to my lips and smiles down at me. "It only took me a week to fall in love with you the first time, is it really that hard to believe it could happen again?"

Then again, maybe it can be just this easy. We've already had the hard part of our relationship, had the ups and downs and smiles and tears. Why make this harder than it needs to be when we both want the same thing?

I've spent my life running away from how I feel for this man, and he's asking me to stop. He's asking me to come home. He's giving me exactly what I never found on the beaches of Australia, or South Carolina or Fiji.

_Him_.

He's telling me he loves me. He's telling me he always has.

My heart pounds in my chest and my belly is all fluttery. I'm positive those can't possibly be described as butterflies in there because they feel much more like hawks with the way they're moving around. He still gives me that same fuzzy, walking on air kind of feeling.

"Woman, please don't leave me hanging much longer."

"Don't call me woman," I retort, a smile twitching at the edges of my lips. He links his fingers with mine and raises an eyebrow at me.

And it's time to tell him the biggest truth I have. "I love you, too."

I barely get a chance to enjoy the huge smile on his face before he's kissing me again. And this time, it's not so chaste. When I feel like I can't breathe, I pull back. Pressing my hand to my chest, I take a few deep breaths. "For the record, if this doesn't work, I want a front row seat for when Jasper punches you again."

"Who says he's going to punch _me_?" Edward laughs.

"I don't know, but if you mess this up, you better believe I'll use my feminine wiles to talk him into it somehow—"

"Bella?" Edward interrupts, and then he waits until my eyes are on him again before continuing. "I promise not to mess it up this time."

"Me, too."

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><p><strong>Thank you for reading. <strong>

_Epilogue coming very soon. If I can make it through edits without sobbing. All mistakes are mine...because I still cannot post without editing the crap out of anything._**  
><strong>

**Reviews are love.**

**xx**


	41. Epilogue

**Disclaimer: I own everything but their names.**

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><p><em><strong>June 10, 2015 – Santa Cruz, California<strong>_

"I can't possibly be old enough to have a son graduating from high school."

I giggle and give Edward a bit of side-eye. "Oh, yes you can."

He pouts that lower lip out at me, and I have the urge to bite it. But I have a mean poker face these days and he'll never know that.

When he figures out I'm not going to give in to his pouting and sympathize, he huffs and crosses his arms over his chest.

My dad just chuckles and shakes his head at both of us. He's used to us by now.

I stare up at the stage, toward a sea of red and white and smile when I spot him, all messy blond and dark pink cheeks. He was so nervous this morning, wanting to make sure there were no wrinkles anywhere. Sometimes he reminds me a little of Jasper with the way he's so particular about his clothes.

Especially since he sure wasn't particular about what he wore underneath – flip-flops and board shorts. I tried to convince him to wear the khaki's, but the kid is way too much like his father.

"Girls! Girls! Stop running. Hold it right—"

Speak of the devil. Edward turns and starts laughing as he hears his brother's voice. Jasper is chasing after two little girls, both sandy-brown haired little beauties who have their daddy wrapped right around their fingers.

When they finally make it back to our row of seats, Jasper's cheeks are flushed. I stand up to greet them, hugging Alice and then the girls.

"Hey, Cupcake," Jasper tells me over Lucy's shoulder, offering a wink before he looks at his brother. "Grumpy."

The girls release me, smiling huge and bright. "Uncle Edward!" they both seem to shout at the same time, throwing themselves in his direction. It doesn't take long until they're buried in his arms.

Yeah, they've got that one mighty wrapped around their fingers, too.

"Think she'll show?" Jasper asks me as we all take our seats. Nettie is wiggling on his lap and giggling at her sister.

I shake my head and shrug. "I hope she does, for Lisle's sake. This is a big day for him."

Jasper nods and bumps his shoulder against mine with a wink. I smile. It took us a little bit, but we found our groove again. After I came home, we both realized there comes a time when forgiveness pretty much becomes unquestionable, and things that happened in the past just don't matter anymore.

He told me once that he just liked seeing his brother happy, and I was always the one who did that the best. I don't know if I've ever received a better compliment.

He's my brother now, and still one of my very best friends. And he's been a huge help with dealing with the Makenna situation we have in our lives.

_Still.  
><em>  
>When Edward had told me in Hawaii that she continued with the custody suit, he didn't go into details at the time.<p>

It wasn't until I came back that I learned how it had all gone down.

After being served, Edward had immediately been advised that filing a counter-suit citing that Lisle was injured under the care of his mother might be in his best interest, but he decided against it. He didn't want to fight fire with more fire.

For Edward, it was always about Lisle and his happiness and safety. For Makenna, it was always about her own.

Edward had faith that character witnesses and the honest-to-goodness truth would help him, and in the end, it did.

Something Makenna hadn't thought of is that perjury in California was a felony that held a maximum sentence of up to four years in prison. She got lucky after pleading no contest to the charges and was only sentenced to probation for a year.

Three months later she was pulled over for DWI and her parole was revoked. She went straight to county jail.

Edward has had primary custody of Lisle ever since. And, until his eighteenth birthday, she's only allowed to see him during supervised visits.

But today he's graduating from high school, so we've made an exception to the rules so she can be here for her son. Because, despite everything she's done to him, to us, she's still the woman who gave birth to him. She's still his mother.

She always will be.

I'm still 'mom' though. And that makes me a very happy woman.

I reach for Edward's hand and squeeze. He leans closer and plants a kiss on my cheek. "What're you thinkin' about so hard over there?" he asks quietly.

I smile and turn into him, inhaling the smell of sunshine. "Nothing really."

We've found our groove, too. And it really was as easy as I never thought it could be. We just fit. We took our time, got to know each other again and there was never a question for either of us where we would end up.

On the beach at sunset standing in front of our family and friends, finally committing ourselves to each other in the same place where we began all those years ago.

I smile to myself at the memory and turn to look at my husband, my partner, my best friend.

"I've been thinking," he whispers.

"Oh, great. That never turns out good for anyone—"

He covers my mouth and I snort. "Woman."

I peck him on the lips. "Okay, tell me what you're thinking – but hurry – it's starting," I whisper-yell as the band starts playing and everyone begins clapping their hands.

Edward stops clapping and focuses on me. "I think we should try for a little girl this time."

My hands freeze mid-air and my eyes are wide. Edward's are, too.

"What?" he mouths.

"Are you serious?" I ask.

He shrugs like he hasn't just said something huge. I mean… we've talked about kids before, but I've always been content with just my boys. They make me happy enough.

I'm stunned and I'm not quite sure what to say.

"What d'ya say? You wanna make a baby with me?" he asks.

"Really?"

"Really."

"Okay," I say, no hesitation at all.

He smiles so big and I smile right back. "I hope she has your hair," he whispers in my ear.

I chuckle and put my lips to his ear. "For her sake, I hope so too."

Edward playfully pushes me away and turns toward the front as the principal takes the podium to officially begin the commencement ceremony. I bask in the chance to witness another of my son's firsts. Where one time I had a list of places I wanted to go, his is the list I like adding to these days.

In a few months, he'll be leaving us for New York and a fancy art scholarship and I know we don't have many moments like this left. I want to enjoy them while I can.

"You're still not funny," Edward whispers out of the side of his mouth.

"But you love me anyway."

"Yes, I do."

"I do, too." I smile brighter and stare out into the crowd, watching as our son walks across the stage.

I'll never regret the decisions I made in my life, because everything I did – everything I do now – is for us.

They're what every surfer dreams about, the unattainable dream… the perfect wave. And even when the ride gets bumpy, going under with them is part of the fun. 

* * *

><p><strong>I owe thank yous to so many people right now. First, to everyone who read, reviewed, tweeted, lurked or joined me on this story, I cannot thank you enough for everything. This has been my favorite to write and it's the hardest to let go of… and I couldn't have done it without each and every one of you.<strong>

**I also couldn't have done it without the help of some wonderful girls…**

**Nic, thank you for joining me on this ride and for dealing with my flails and last minute changes and getting thousands upon thousands of words to edit at once. You are one of a kind and I love you for everything you've done for me.**

**Kristin and Heather, thank you for being two of the best friends a girl could have and for listening to me whine and moan, and for reading this in its early stages and encouraging me to keep plugging along. I seriously don't know where I would be without you both.**

**Annie, Alison, Christina, Lolo, Kassiah and Moi, thank you for all you did, whether it be pre-reading or letting me ask questions or just watering my very delicate petals (hehe).**

**I'm sure there is more I should say, and more I meant to say… but words are escaping me now. If you've made it this far, I will say that I'm marking this story complete today but that doesn't mean it's the end. I have some outtake ideas in my head, but I need some time to regroup before I dive into that.**

**Until next time…**

**Live your life. Live your dreams. Surf.**

**xx**

**~caren **


	42. EPOV, July 13, 2001

**Disclaimer: I own everything but their names.**

* * *

><p><em><strong>July 13, 2001 – Santa Cruz, California<strong>_

"Which one looks good, Baby Boy?" I asked, lifting him higher. I tightened my arm around him and rested his butt against my stomach so he could get a better look at the offerings.

His little hands squeezed my forearm and he leaned forward, humming dramatically. I chuckled quietly to myself, imagining the serious look that probably rested on his face. He'd never been one of those kids who chose on impulse; he took his time – looked at everything until the right one jumped out at him. Then, and only then, did he ever make a decision.

And it wasn't just with his toys, either. He was the same way with people, too. He was always careful, keeping his distance until, it seemed, he'd chosen the best ones to latch onto.

_Like Bella.  
><em>  
>It still surprised me how quickly he'd warmed up to her. That afternoon when I prompted him to kiss her hand, I fully expected him to pull his usual hide-behind-my-leg act. I'd only seen him do that shit once before, on Jasper's little girlfriend Alice, and that was only because she'd been the one to teach it to him. But he'd definitely surprised me...<p>

He acted like he'd known Bella his entire life.

I mean, I understood his immediate pull to her. I'd felt something similar the moment her eyes met mine; something inside me wanted more of her instantly.

Watching _him_ with her was scary as fuck, though. The immediate attachment, the instant bond… it terrified me.

_She_ terrified me.

She had been doing it… and in the weeks since that first afternoon, it'd progressively gotten worse. I knew I was making a mistake by offering her that job, by setting our surf condition… but still, I did it.

And all it had done was open me up for trouble I hadn't been prepared for. Because we could never, ever, be more than boss and employee. We just couldn't.

Lisle wiggled and pointed, pulling me out of my head. I took a step to the side to give him a better look, trying to focus my own attention back on the task at hand. I wasn't usually in the business of spoiling my kid, but there were some days when I needed his brand of infectious excitement.

Today had been one of them. Shit. The past month had been one of them.

And I needed to stop thinking about the reason why. I'd done enough thinking about her; enough fantasizing about her… and enough punishing myself for it to last me a lifetime.

_We couldn't.  
><em>  
><em>Legos. Focus on the Legos, Edward.<br>_  
>Looking back at the shelf in front of us, I spotted the Star Wars set and pointed at the box. "How 'bout that one, Buddy?"<p>

He shook his head at me, blond curls tickling my lips before he leaned forward again. "No, Dada. Dat one," he said, letting go of my arm with one hand and pointing at his choice.

"You're sure?" I asked. He turned his eyes up to mine and nodded before wiggling his fingers in the direction of the box. "Policemen, huh? You gonna grow up and be a cop, buddy?"

"Nah, I gon' grow up and be you, Daddy." He cheesed a huge smile and I smiled back at him. _This kid could brighten anybody's day.  
><em>  
>Before grabbing it, I looked closer at the choice he'd made, checking to make sure there were no pieces too small or dangerous. I'd made that mistake once before, and tantrums in the middle of a toy store weren't fun. Then again, neither was telling my son he couldn't have what he wanted.<p>

I knew all too well these days how it felt not to be able to have something you wanted.

Deciding his choice was good, I tightened my arm around his belly and reached for the police set, complete with its very own tiny little station and handed it to him.

"All right, let's hit it. But you're walkin', you're heavy, boy." I bent and lowered him to the floor, tugging his shirt down into place before standing back up.

He turned to me, lifting his free arm like he was flexing. "'Cause I's gots muscles!"

"Yup. You're big and strong just like daddy."

He flexed his arm and puckered his lips, throwing in a little baby-growl and trying to look all tough. "I still beat yous up, dough," he said, completely serious.

I snorted and shook my head at him before holding out my hand for his. "I'm no match for you, Kid. Hand," I said, reminding him of our rule. He reached up and wrapped his fingers around one of mine, holding on as we made our way toward the registers.

"Whoa," I said, wincing playfully as we walked. "Not so tight, Dude!"

He giggled in response.

Once his precious Legos were bought and paid for, we headed back toward the Jeep. I strapped him into his seat and climbed into my own.

"Ready to go home?" I asked him in the rearview.

He shook his head and huffed. Then he made that face he always made at me when there were a million things he wanted to say but he had no idea how to say them. "Not home. Bella."

My heart thumped and I turned to face him. "What about her?"

His little fingers were wrapped tightly around the straps of his car seat. "Go see her at your work?"

I squeezed my eyes closed and blew out a heavy breath. It had been happening since our day together on the fourth, him asking to see her.

As if I hadn't _already _had enough trouble telling him no.

On any other day, I wouldn't have thought twice about bringing him back with me to the shop. That was our typical routine. He liked hanging out with the guys, he liked 'working' in my office. I liked having him there.

Today, though, my head had been screaming at me to stay way, even though my heart was asking me not to.

Bella had been so frustrated with herself the past week, and I hated seeing her that way. I also hated that I didn't know how to comfort her without crossing a line. My growing attraction to her complicated things way too much. I over-analyzed every movement; every touch. Every word.

_We couldn't.  
><em>  
>"You really like her, don't you, Buddy?"<p>

He nodded and grinned at me. "Yah."

I sighed, turning back and twisting the key in the ignition. "Let's go see her then."

One thing was clear at that moment… I knew my kid had fallen for her.

I would just have to keep myself from doing the same.

* * *

><p><strong>This little Surfward-Lisle moment takes place before the end of Chapter 13. It's also unbeta'd; so all mistakes are mine. Thank you H and K for the read-through, you two are the chocolate to my chip.<br>**_  
>Hopefully this gives you a good idea what was going on in Surfward's head those first few weeks. How he wanted to stay away – but everything, including his son – kept pulling him back in. Anything you'd like to see? Specific moments you're curious about?<br>_

**Thank you all so much for reading! I am working my way through review replies, so if you haven't gotten one from me yet, I swear I didn't forget you!**

_xx_


	43. EPOV, August 17, 2001

**Disclaimer: I own everything but their names.**

* * *

><p><em><strong>August 17, 2001 – Santa Cruz, California<strong>_

_"So that's it then," I said, voice as empty as my chest felt._

_She didn't answer, didn't say a word. She just stood there, shoulders shaking, pretty cheeks flushed and shining with tears. My own eyes burned as I curled my hands around my jeans, trying to pretend I couldn't still feel the ghost of her wrapped tightly around me._

_Anything to keep myself from touching her again._

_"You promised." I tried again, strengthening my tone. "You promised to stay."_

_And still, nothing._

_I deserved more than nothing._

_Reaching down, I tucked myself in completely and zipped my jeans before moving toward the door. I pulled it open roughly. There was no point in trying if she wasn't going to react. If she couldn't even talk to me. After all the confusion and the promises and—_

_"I should have known better than to get involved with—" I started, abruptly stopping myself before I said too much._

_It wasn't her fault we had become caught up in such a mess. It was mine. With my kid drama and my ex-wife shit and my brother who couldn't control himself… I should have kept my promise to myself._

_I should have stayed the fuck away from her. But I didn't._

_She walked past me without so much as a glance. Without a touch, or even a simple goodbye falling from her lips._

_The weight of the old wood door beneath my fingers was rough – hard and unyielding – as I held it. Tighter. Tighter. As tight as I could. Trying to keep from touching her; _always _fucking trying._

_The door to her father's car shut softly and the engine came to life. My fingers tried to dig deeper. I could still taste her on my lips._

_And then she was gone._

_The front door closed loudly as my hand came back, landing against it with a crack._

I didn't move from my spot behind the door. My shoulders shook as I breathed deeply and tried to calm down. My forehead rested against the same spot that had caused an ache to build in my knuckles. Repeatedly, I shook my hand around at my side, wincing at the pain as I played the last twenty minutes back over and over in my head.

_"I'm leaving."_

_"I'm leaving."_

_"I'm leaving."_

And I knew after what I had done, the things I had said, she wouldn't be coming back.

What had started as me trying to prove how I felt had turned ugly. I knew what she'd been trying to do, she was volunteering as the martyr. And I just wanted her to know she mattered, because she did. I wanted her to know I was falling – _had _fallen – in love with her. That she didn't need to go, because we could handle it. We could handle Makenna. We could handle her father. We could handle anything.

If we were together.

It wasn't _supposed_ to end like that. It wasn't supposed to end at _all_.

I pulled away from the door, eyes wet and knuckles bloody. I had to go find her before it was too late.

She had to know I didn't want this.

She had to know I wanted her with me.

I had to make her see.

I searched for the phone, dialing quickly. He was the last person in the world I wanted to call, but the only one I could. It rang twice before he picked up.

"What the hell do you—" he started to ask, but I cut him off.

"I need your help."

As if sensing the urgency in my voice, he asked, "Is Lisle okay?"

"He broke his arm, but he's fine—"

"What do you mean he broke his arm?"

"He's fine, Jasper. That's not—"

"Then why do you need my help?" he interrupted again.

"It's a long story I don't have time to tell. Could you please just come to the house? I'm asking for you to help me right now. Can we forget that you hate me right now and remember that we're brothers?"

He sighed and in the background, I heard him moving around. "Fine. I'll be there in twenty minutes."

Then the line went dead.

After checking in on Lisle to make sure we hadn't woken him, I kissed his forehead and went to the kitchen. I had to get her back for him, too.

I couldn't even fathom having to face him the next time he asked for her. My heart twisted at the thought.

At the sink, I attempted to clean up my hand while I waited for Jasper. I scrubbed until the blood disappeared, only to resurface again a second later. Anything to keep me busy, because pacing the living room wasn't solving shit.

Hearing Esme's car in my driveway made my breathing a little easier. Jasper didn't knock, he never did. He didn't have to. We might have been fighting, but he was still my brother.

"What's going on?" he asked, finding me with my keys in hand as I stuffed my wallet into the back pocket of my jeans.

"I have to go find Bella."

His fingers curled into a fist at his side and he took a step in my direction. "What did you do this time, Edward?"

"Me?" I asked, holding my hands out in front of me. "I didn't do anything!"

"If that's true, why are you calling me at midnight to rush over here?"

"I just need you to watch Lisle for me and not ask me so many goddamn questions!" I shouted as the last threads of my patience began to wear thin. "I know I'm not your favorite person right now, I know that. Just do this one thing for me without asking any questions, okay?"

He looked taken aback, shocked by my outburst. I didn't care – couldn't care – about hurting his feelings at that particular moment.

I needed to go.

Jasper crossed his arms over his chest and nodded. "Fine. Go."

Without waiting for him to say anything else, I left. The Jeep was cold, engine revving high as I made my way back toward downtown. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw her. I heard her saying those words again.

_"I'm leaving."  
><em>  
>My tires squealed as I turned the last corner, the Jeep barely in park before I had hopped out and slammed the door shut behind me. My footsteps were loud on the quiet pavement as I headed for the porch.<p>

The driveway was empty and the house dark.

My bloodied fist on the door sent hollow pounding through to the other side. I knocked again and again. The empty sound too similar to the way I was beginning to feel. Another knock. I leaned in close, cupping my hands around my eyes as I peered through the foggy glass and searched the empty living room, hoping for a glimpse of her.

Maybe I'd beat her home.

Maybe she'd stopped somewhere.

Maybe something had happened…

_Oh, god._

I knocked again, louder, louder, louder. Searched the large living room window for a crack in the curtains.

I called her name. Once. Twice. A hundred times.

My body ached. My head throbbed. Defeated, my back slid down her front door as I stared at the empty street. My hands rested flat at my sides as I pulled my knees toward my chest.

Cars passed. Time passed.

The sky began to lighten. I could hear the ocean nearby, the waves swishing and swaying… continuing on as I began to give up. I didn't want to be here. I wanted to be _there_… with her.

My knocking grew from frantic and often with my fists, to the occasional slam of my head against her door and a murmured version of her name that I knew she'd never hear.

.

.

.

"Son, what the hell are you doing sleeping on my porch?"

My eyes shot open at the voice and I scrambled to stand up, fighting the disorientation that comes between sleep and wake. My entire body throbbed as my heart thumped wildly.

"Sir," I said, my voice thick from sleep and exhaustion. I cleared my throat and looked behind him, hoping she would be there. My chest and stomach knotted when I found nothing. "Sir, I need to find her."

I felt desperate and scattered and I didn't care that I was blowing it. That I was revealing a secret not-so-well kept by being here on his porch and asking for the daughter he didn't know I was in love with.

He just watched me with eyes the same color as his daughters, a hand stuffed deep in his pocket while the other twisted one side of his perfectly-trimmed mustache.

"A little late for that, don't you think?" he asked.

I stood up even straighter. The nervous thumping had stopped and my chest grew tight. "What do you mean?"

He stepped closer. "Look, I don't know what happened last night. Or what's been happening the past couple a' months, but I'm not stupid. I know my daughter well enough to know that _something _has been happening. And whatever that _was _isn't going to happen again."

It was hard to look at him, and not just because I was embarrassed for sneaking around with his daughter or for not being man enough to come to him sooner and make it clear how I felt about Bella.

But because she looked so damn much like him.

"Where is she, sir?" I asked. I didn't know what else to do.

"That's none of your concern."

"I just need to—" I had no idea what I was attempting to do. I didn't know anything except that I needed her to be there. I needed to tell her I was sorry. I wanted to go back to sleep only to wake up and find out this was all a dream. "I'm trying to fix this. Please tell me where she is—"

"She doesn't want to see you, son."

"Please… please just tell me how to find her—"

"Enough!" he shouted. "That's enough!" He took a deep breath, pulling his hand from his pocket to peek at his watch. "I've had a long night and I'm too tired to deal with this right now. Her flight left ten minutes ago. You can't fix it, and she's asked that you not be told where she is."

We stood there for several minutes, quietly observing the other until my time ran out.

He walked to the front door and pushed his key into the lock. "It's time for you to get off my porch now."

.

.

.

I wasn't sure how I made it back to my Jeep after that; or back to the house for that matter. Walking in the door, my entire body was drained and my hand _still_ hurt like a son-of-a-bitch. As much as I wanted nothing more than to bury myself in the warmth and comfort of my bed and hide for days – where I was sure it still smelled like her – it wasn't possible.

Which was made clear by the tiny body that rushed toward me almost instantly.

"Daddy!"

His voice knocked me out of my daze and I squatted down, pulling him against my chest for a hug. "Hi, Baby Boy," I murmured, inhaling his familiar smell.

"Where was you, Dada?" he asked against my chest, little fists hugging me right back. I could see Jasper watching us as he leaned against the back of the couch.

"I just had to go take care of some stuff." I pulled back to look at him. "Did you have fun with Uncle Jasper?"

Lisle nodded and his cheeks puffed out. "Yes huh, him's gave me Lucky's for breakfast. But he stolded some 'a my mashmellows!"

My eyebrows lifted and I gasped. "He did? Did you tell him what the punishment was for stealing marshmallows?"

I reached out and squeezed his sides and he giggled. "No tickles me, Dada. _He_ did it!"

"And did'ya get him?" I asked.

"Yes huh." He growled and flexed and I smiled my first real smile in hours as he ran in Jasper's direction.

"Good. We can't let those marshmallow thieves get away," I said, walking over to join them.

Jasper lifted Lisle into his arms. "I signed your cast, too, didn't I bud?"

"Yep!" Lisle held up his cast for me to see Jasper's name, but it wasn't his message my eyes found.

It was hers…

_Little Dude, hurry up and heal so we can play! _ _ Bella_

My eyes squeezed shut and I took a deep breath.

"How'd it go?" Jasper asked.

He set Lisle on the floor, who took off for his pile of toys in the corner, none the wiser to what our conversation was about. I couldn't begin to think about having this conversation with my kid yet.

"She's gone."

He didn't say anything in response at first, he just watched me. His eyes grew softer as the silence stretched, and I was thankful for that moment he wasn't pushing for more. We had a lot of things to talk about; things he needed to know and understand.

"Wanna talk about it?"

"Not yet," I told him honestly.

"I'll stick around for a while. Go get some sleep, you look like shit, Grumpy."

* * *

><p><strong>I don't know why you guys had to go and ask for the emo stuff! But, this was what most of you asked for…so it's where my head went first. Next up, maybe we'll get to see some Surfward with his little baby girl… or perhaps a little of making said baby.<strong>

_This is unbeta'd, all mistakes are mine. Though four kickass chicks did read it for me and tell me it wasn't dumb. Thank you C, J, K, and L._

**Thanks for reading!**

_xx_


	44. EPOV, October 16, 2016

**Disclaimer: I own everything but their names.**

* * *

><p><em><strong>October 12, 2016 – Santa Cruz, California<br>**_

I take off my shirt, toss it on the dresser and then hop into bed, picking up the newspaper as Bella goes into the bathroom to brush her teeth.

On her way back out, she stops and picks up the shirt. I pretend not to notice when she lifts it to her face, squeezes her eyes shut and inhales.

She catches me watching and frowns. "I miss it."

I try hard not to laugh at her cute little pout. I love my wife like no other, and laughing at this situation is something I know I won't get away with twice.

"I'm taking good care of it for you," I promise her.

"I can't even get it around me anymore!" she says. I lift my newspaper higher to hide the smile spreading across my face.

Bella was doing really good with the whole pregnancy thing up until about a month ago. She had accepted the constant sleepiness, the frequent bathroom breaks, the not being able to surf and all the other shit. But she was having a serious problem with the fact that her baby bump prevented her from pinching my _Aerosmith _shirt to sleep in anymore.

"We can bring it to the hospital with us," I offer. "You can wear it home. You get the _Aerosmith_, I get a baby daughter."

"That's not even funny," she says, but then she snorts. "Why do I love you?"

"Because I'm amazing."

"No you're not."

"I am too, ask anyone."

"Shut up, I'm not having this conversation with you right now."

"Okay," I say with a laugh before returning my attention to the paper.

"I'm still shocked you held onto it for so many years…" she says after a few beats.

I take off my glasses and set them on the table with the newspaper. Resting my hands behind my head, I give her a little half smile as I slide lower in our bed. She's in front of the mirror at our dresser, holding the shirt up in front of her.

My eyes travel over her bare skin, and then move to the skin that's covered in the mirror by my shirt. Steven Tyler is blocking my view.

"Why would you think I wouldn't keep it? It is my favorite shirt after all."

She turns around and walks to my side of our bed. She's still using the shirt to cover her front, hiding her perfect tits from my view. I reach out and touch her bare leg, sliding my fingers up and around the back until I feel the spot where her underwear begins. I push inside them, sweeping one fingertip across her soft, soft skin.

She pauses, teeth punishing her lower lip, and takes a deep breath. I chuckle to myself and stop the torturous movement of my finger.

"It's _my _favorite shirt," she argues.

I grin. I really like having this argument.

My finger starts moving again. "I know that, Babe. I've always been good to it. I promise to take care of it while you're busy cookin' my baby in there."

I sit up and turn, putting my feet on the floor as I spread my legs. I use my grip on her ass to pull her closer to me.

With my eyes on hers, I use my free hand to reach up and tug on the shirt she's still holding. She grips tighter and lifts her eyebrow at me.

"What are you doing?" she asks.

"You started it," I say.

"Did not," she argues weakly.

I tug the shirt once more but she won't budge. I'm not really trying. I like letting her play like she doesn't want me. We both know she does.

"Let me see you, Babe," I murmur, changing tactics. Instead of tugging, I lift, hand curled into a fist around the material as I push it higher. I kiss every piece of skin as it's revealed to me. The very top of her thigh, below her belly button. Above it.

I slide my hand down her font and hiss. "Fuck, you're wet."

With my mouth moving across her stomach, I slide the hand that's already gripping her ass further, searching out that same warmth between her legs. That same wetness. Her hips jerk when she feels what I'm about to do. Her legs start shaking against my hand.

My finger hovers just outside, teasing and building anticipation. Her hips move again. Slowly I slide it further – deeper – as I glide my other hand against her pussy again. She whimpers and then starts making that noise I love. Not quite a moan or a groan or a scream, but all three at once.

My dick throbs as I lift the shirt higher, my lips still attached to her. I kiss her belly over and over. I lift my head, and this time when I tug on the shirt, she lets it go, throwing it to the floor at her side.

Her hands find my hair, tugging softly like she knows I love. I groan. My lips wrap around her perfect, pink nipple and I suck it between my lips.

"Edward," she whispers.

"Yeah, baby?" I ask, switching sides as I pull my hand from her underwear and move to pull them off. They fall down her legs slowly as my fingers slide lower, lower, lower. She wiggles her hips to help before stepping out of them.

She's trying to cover her front, but I hold her hands away. "Can we turn the lights off or something?"

I shake my head and bite down softly on her nipple, lifting my eyes back to hers. My lips slide down her ribcage. "I love you like this," I tell her, kissing her again, sliding my teeth across the curvy part of her hip. "You're fucking sexy like this. I want to see it."

She sighs, but when I swirl my tongue across the top of her thigh I know I've got her. "Don't you want me to see it, baby?"

I put one hand between her legs, rubbing her bare skin. I tug at the leg of my boxer-briefs with my free hand and then switch off until they're around my ankles. I kick them to the side.

My hands start at her belly, rubbing softly as I lean forward and kiss her there. I slide them back, down her sides and grip her thighs in my hands. I lift her into my lap and she squeaks.

"Oh my god you—" I cut her off with a kiss and pull her closer. She rests her hands on my shoulders.

"Hold on," I tell her, wrapping one arm around her back and using the other to press against the bed and lift myself up so we can move back a little.

As I settle, she straddles me and her hands tighten on my shoulders. There's heat and slickness pushed against my dick and I have to fight the urge to thrust into her.

"Let me see it, baby," I say, reaching between us. I stroke myself, sliding the head of my cock against her, teasing.

Her head falls back, resting against her shoulders as she moans. I look up. The light dances across her neck, all dark brown and perfect. God, she's beautiful. I take it all in as I place myself at her entrance.

She moves her hands from my shoulders, holding one across the other behind my neck as she pushes her body forward. I close my eyes and groan and she envelops me slowly in her warmth. I remember our first time doing this, how timid and scared she had been. And that was sexy… but laying beneath her now? Now that she knows what she wants and likes? It's fucking glorious.

She breathes deeply as I slide deeper inside. My hands grip her ass, letting her lead. I lean forward and kiss her neck softly. She hums and pulls back, putting her lips against mine. She tastes like cinnamon.

Her kiss is slow, just like her movements. She likes this part. The build. Denying herself until she can't stand it anymore. I fucking love this part.

"Is it good?" I ask against her lips, checking to make sure she's not hurting or uncomfortable.

"It's good," she murmurs. "It's really good." Her hips pull back and push forward again and she pushes against my chest.

I grin and fall to the bed, keeping my hands in place on her ass. She rests her fingers on my stomach, nails pressing lightly into my skin as she begins moving over me. I lift myself beneath her, taking her nipple between my lips as she fucks me. She pushes me back to the bed, sitting up straighter and taking me even deeper as she leans back. I lift my hands to her back and support her as her legs shift and she finds a comfortable spot. Her hands are gripping the tops of my thighs, hair tickling as she begins moving again.

I look down, watching her move against me. Her moans are louder now, and I can feel her growing tighter with every thrust. Losing my control, my hands move back to her ass, pulling her harder against me. "Fuck baby, fuck, fuck, fuck," I say, each word matching the movement of her hips.

Bella moans, one hand sliding between her legs. I move faster as she touches herself, bringing her climax faster, stronger. I love that she trusts me, that she's not shy about getting exactly what she needs when we're together like this. I'm not one of those guys who can't handle letting his girl get herself off.

She's getting tighter and tighter and I'm so close I'm not sure how much longer I can hold it.

"I'm coming," she moans suddenly, and I push myself deeper holding her against me as she comes around me, setting off my own release.

My heart is pounding and I'm breathing heavy and she stares down at me, having the nerve to blush as she giggles and buries herself against my chest.

"Wow," she says through her own heavy breaths.

"Told you I was amazing," I joke, grinning.

I run my hands across her back, rubbing muscles I know are tired. I gently roll us to the side, keeping her close as I place one hand across her belly.

"You are such an ass," she tells me.

I chuckle. "I know. But let's talk about something important."

Her eyes widen and then narrow. "What?"

"I'd like to propose we have this argument again tomorrow night around the same time. I think I like having this argument."

She pounds her fist against my chest and I laugh in earnest. She sits up, finger-combing her hair as she scowls at me and slides off the bed.

"Where are you going?" I ask, pouting.

"If you must know, I have to pee again!"

The slamming of the bathroom door is what follows my loud laugh.

My poor wife.

* * *

><p><strong>As you can see, these two haven't changed. Also, who knew Surfward was such a chatty guy? He's been in my head a lot. And I know I said possible baby making, but, this was what he wanted to talk about first. Next we'll meet baby girl… she already has a name, too. Can you guess it?<strong>

_Big thanks to both les16 and jadedandboring for reading this for me and watering my delicate little petals. ILY both.  
><em>  
><strong>Thank you for reading! <strong>

_xx_


	45. EPOV, April 10, 2019

**_Disclaimer: I own everything but their names.  
><em>**

* * *

><p><strong><em>April 10, 2019 – Santa Cruz, California<em>**

****"Do you love me, do you surfer girl? Surfer girl… my little surfer girl…" I sing, twirling around.

She smiles up at me, all pink squishy cheeks and big hazel eyes. She's got her mother's pretty face and my unruly hair. And there's only one girl in the whole world that's more beautiful.

She calls her mommy. I call her wife.

"Da-da-da-da-da," she sings back at me all sleepily, her eyes opening and closing slowly.

I smile, catching Bella out of the corner of my eye. She's standing in the doorway, watching us. Always watching. Since the morning Tyler was born it feels like she hasn't taken her eyes off of us. I can't stay that I blame her; I like watching her be a mommy, too.

"Hi," I mouth to her, snuggling the baby closer to my chest. Bella doesn't respond, just grins as I rock Tyler further into sleep.

Naptime is my job, and I take it seriously.

It wasn't long after Tyler came along that we set up a playpen for her here in the shop. She spends most of her days with us, and we wouldn't have it any other way. She's at that stage where everything she does is adorable, even the bad stuff.

Though she's running around this place like it's her job, she's not quite talking yet. At least, not like her brother was. I figure she's waiting for her big moment to let it all out.

Neither of us wants to miss it.

I know Bella has these lingering issues that stem from missing so much time with Lisle. She's voiced her guilt and regret to me many times since we've been together again, and I want to do everything I can to make sure she doesn't ever feel that with our baby girl.

I'm pretty much happy to give both of my girls anything they want.

I lay Tyler in the playpen, tugging the blanket up around her shoulders and tucking it beneath her chin the way she likes. The girl is a total burrito in her sleep, likes to be snug and warm and all squished. I honestly have no idea how she can stand to be so confined. Her brother was a wild man in the bed, rolling everywhere and throwing pillows on the floor. Sleeping with Lisle on nights when bad dreams hit were like preparing for battle. Sometimes I considered wearing a catcher's mask to bed.

But Tyler… she likes it _this_way.

There are so many differences between them; things that make them exactly who they are. And it had surprised me at first. I thought I was prepared from the second Bella's water broke. I was the one who was supposed to be all chill and calm, helping her through it.

But I'm man enough to admit I was a wreck. I wasn't prepared at all. For how different I would feel… for how much more emotional I would be. How much I would hate seeing Bella in pain… and how it would break me to watch her hold our daughter in her arms for the first time.

I smile as I kiss the tips of my fingers and press them to Ty's cheek. "Sleep snug, little surfer girl," I whisper before shutting off the lights and heading to find Bella.

As I emerge from the back, she's just wrapping up with a customer. I join her at the register, waiting until he's gone to wind my arms around her from the back.

I bury my nose against her neck as I inhale. She hums and leans her head back against my shoulder. "She out?"

"Mmmhmm," I murmur against her skin.

"Good." She pushes me away with an elbow to the stomach and grabs a box from the counter, opening it and pulling out the contents, surprising me. Her look tells me I'm in trouble. "Want to tell me what this is about?"

My eyebrows lift and I shrug, my mouth opening and closing like a fish. I clutch the side of my abdomen where she elbowed me. "That hurt!"

"We talked about this," she says, ignoring my pouting face.

"I know," I reply, trying to keep my words at a minimum so as not to dig myself any deeper. Or to get hit again.

"She's too young!"

"Lisle was her age his first time," I say, trying to reason with her.

"Lisle's a boy. Boys are tougher," she argues.

I laugh and stare at her, wondering if she realizes what she's just said. "Thank goodness you're not part of the women's movement, Babe. They wouldn't achieve much."

"Oh, shut up, you _know _what I meant."

"Yes I know what you meant, but I still don't agree."

"What were you going to do, take her without me knowing?" she asks.

"Of course not! I just thought—" Fuck. I thought if I bought it, and Bella saw her in it, there was no way she would be able to say no. There's no way I can admit that, though.

"You were trying to trick me."

"No, I wasn't," I say, and then reconsider. Sometimes honesty works. "Okay, maybe a little."

She growls and looks down at the tiny pink wetsuit in her hands. She's quiet for a while, and I wonder what she's thinking about. If she's remembering _her_first time in one. I sure as hell remember. I couldn't keep my eyes off her.

I still can't.

"Do you remember your first time?" I ask, taking a step closer to her. She pulls the wetsuit in her hands closer to her chest and stares up at me.

"Yes." She pushes against me, but it's weak. There's a smile fighting the edges of her lips and about to break free.

"Me too," I whisper, and then kiss her softly.

"Stop trying to distract me with your wooing abilities," she tells me, smiling fully now as she pulls away.

I grin and then my expression turns serious. "You know me, Bella. You know I would never, _ever _let anything happen to her. Not ever."

"I know that, it's just…"

"I understand you're scared, but I need you to trust me. She's not too young."

Tyler's fiercely independent and stubborn, like her mom. She can do it. I know she can. I mean, come on… she's _my _kid. I've explained this to Bella time and time again. I think we've been arguing about the right age to get her in the water since the day she came into our lives.

The time is now; I'm sure of it. Bella will be too… she just needs a little push.

Bella's expression softens, and then turns a little mischievous. And that look is never good for me. She's planning something…

"Okay then, you know the deal," she says, smiling brightly.

I roll my eyes and sigh.

"Yes. If I'm wrong, Jasper gets to punch me."

* * *

><p><strong>This is completely unbeta'd, but it's been sitting in my docs for a few weeks now... there is a second part that I'll hopefully finish soon and post. You'll get to see Miss Tyler's first surf, and we'll bring back some of your favorite characters and see where they are in the future. :) In case you were wondering, she's about 2 and a half here.<strong>

_Hope you liked this!_

**Thank you for reading!**

_xx_


	46. EPOV, July 25, 2033

_I forgot to mention this last time, but THANK YOU to all of you lovely readers who helped crown Going Under as the Fic of the Week over at The Lemonade Stand! And, thank you to the gorgeous miss _**twilover76**_ for her wonderful and sweet words about this story. It meant the world to me._

_**Disclaimer: I own everything but their names.**_

* * *

><p><em><strong>July 25, 2033 – Santa Cruz, California<strong>_

"Absolutely not."

"But Dad! I promise we'll be fine."

"I have no doubt you'll be just great. At _home_."

"Dad!" She stomps and throws herself around a little. I have to fight not to laugh a little – she's so much like her mother sometimes it's frightening.

"End of discussion," I say instead, turning my gaze back to the baseball game on the television.

Clearly unsatisfied with my decision, she turns and runs toward the kitchen where I know Bella's making dinner, screaming for her as she goes. I stand up from my chair and follow right behind her. I know Bella won't undermine my decision not to let Tyler go on this little trip she's proposing – we don't do that to each other – but still, my presence in the room will make her feel less like she's winning this fight. Like she had a chance in the first place.

I don't care how many arguments she makes, or how many tears she squeezes out, my daughter is not spending the night in the woods with a boy until she's at _least_ thirty! Not without my supervision, anyway. And maybe one of Charlie's shotguns. Or two.

"Mom— he's being unreasonable! It's _one_ weekend and I'm sixteen and this is so totally not cool! Why is he trying to ruin my life?" Her arms are waving and I can feel my hair turning grayer with every second that passes. "It's just Benjamin! You guys have met him and you know he's a nice boy and I just want one night with my friends! He never lets me do anything—" She points at me accusingly.

Yes, we've met Benjamin. Of course he's a nice boy to our faces. Unfortunately for my daughter, I know how bad nice young boys can be when the parents are no longer standing in front of him. I used to be one of those very same 'nice boys.'

"This is between you and your father," Bella offers, reaching up to squeeze Ty's shoulder. I cross my arms over my chest and wink at Bella. I'm appreciative of how we work together. It makes me love her even more to know that we're a united front. We have to be.

"But—" Tyler tries one more time. She not only inherited her mother's looks, but her stubbornness too.

She _definitely_ doesn't get it from me.

When neither of us says anything in response, I watch as she changes tactics. Visibly taking a breath and turning on the sweet side, going the calm and sweet route instead of the dramatic, loud one. "It's just one night, Daddy…"

"We've both made it clear you are _not_ going on this trip, little girl. Now, you can stop asking and go set the table for dinner or you can go spend the evening in your room. Which will it be?"

She stares at me for a beat before her face turns red. "I hate you both!"

As Ty disappears to her room, Bella sighs and I do the same. We move closer together and I wrap her in my arms, swaying her in a circle of comfort. I know Ty doesn't mean the words she just said – that she's just upset – but it doesn't make them any less painful for either of us to hear.

Having a daughter is hard. Having a teenage daughter who likes to push your buttons? Impossible.

"You know she doesn't mean it, Baby," I whisper.

Bella sniffles a little. "I know."

"She loves you."

"I know."

I squeeze her hips. "So do I."

"I know." She looks up and attempts a smile. I send her one right back. "I just miss those days when she was sweet and giggly and _sweet_ and still our little girl."

"Me, too," I sigh, closing my eyes and holding her even tighter as I remember back to the first time Tyler opened up and spoke her mind…

.

.

.

_**April 15, 2019 – Honolulu, Hawaii**_

"God it feels good to be back here," Bella said, stretching her hands above her head. I shifted Tyler in my arms, keeping my eyes on the luggage making its way around in front of us. It was late and we were all worn out from the long hours on the plane.

"Yes it does," I whispered. It had been far, far too long since we'd taken a vacation. Even after our wedding we never went on a honeymoon. My thought was this: who needed to go anywhere when the best place there was, was under the sheets of your own bed with the woman you loved most in the world?

And while our bed was still my favorite place to be, I couldn't deny my own excitement for our trip. I missed Hawaii – plus, my baby girl was about to become an official Cullen.

"Dad, we've got our stuff. Want us to head out and try to grab a cab?"

I turned and looked at Lisle.

"Yes, please. Can you take Ty for me, too?" He agreed and we shifted her little body from my arms to his. I watched, happy, as she snuggled in close, not disturbed at all by the movement.

The way he used to look down at her (the way he still does), all doting big brother, always made me smile. They had quite the age gap, but there was no denying the bond they shared. Even with him living so far away, she seemed connected to him no matter what.

At that time, it was hard for me to believe just how much he'd grown in only four years' time. He was a man – a college graduate. Even though it was hard to admit my baby boy wasn't my baby boy anymore, I couldn't have been prouder of the man he'd turned into. What had once been a long, curly mess atop his head had become tame, trimmed short in a way that I'd never been able to stand. He had grown taller than both Jasper and me, and the kid still ate like a horse but seemed to stay fit no matter what.

Living on the east coast with my mom suited him. Not that I – we – didn't miss him every day, but he was happy there. His heart was there. I looked over and smiled at Senna. And I knew it was likely, even then, that he'd never be coming home to stay with us. Not as long as Senna's job kept her in NYC.

As crazy as it was to believe, he looked at her like I look at Bella. It felt like it was too soon, like he was too young to be so attached, but I couldn't argue with him about how fast I thought they might have been moving because she made it happy. It was what I'd always wanted for him.

"Where are you right now?" Bella asked, her face is a little red as I looked over. She was holding one of the suitcases in her hands. "Grab the other one!"

I turned and caught it right before I ran into a poor old woman who was standing in the way. "Sorry," I said, hoisting the luggage up and turning back around. "What the heck is in this thing, bricks?"

She huffed at me and turned in the other direction. I laughed. "Seriously, how many pairs of shoes are in here?" I called after her. She ignored me, of course, and we headed for the taxi.

Once we had everything situated and all the suitcases had been stowed inside, we were on our way to the hotel.

"Mom, are we seein' Kai and Ahe and the boys?" Lisle asked from the backseat.

She turned to smile at him. "I don't know yet; Pete has a competition on Maui this week; they might not make it back in time."

Lisle looked a little disappointed, but shrugged it off quickly. We continued chatting until the taxi had pulled up in front of our hotel. Bella and the girls headed inside to check-in while us boys unloaded everything.

"Where are we headin' tomorrow, Pops?" Lisle asked, stacking suitcases on the luggage cart.

"Waimea, I think. It's April, the waves will be calm…" He snorted, and my palm may have accidentally landed on the back of his head. Hard. He'll never be too old for _that_. "Watch it. Your mother is worried."

"I know she is, she keeps asking me to talk you out of it."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "You're supposed to be on my side on all the things. Some son you are."

"Hey! I'm a great son! I'm not trying to talk you out of it, am I?"

We both laughed as I slung my arm over his shoulder. "Yeah, you're not half bad. Let's get inside."

"Yeah, I'm sure you're pretty tired, you know, with the old age and all."

My hand once again met with the back of his head as we reached the elevator.

That kid… I still didn't know where he got it from.

.

.

.

_**April 16, 2019 – Honolulu, Hawaii  
><strong>_

"Wake up, Baby Girl," I said excitedly. Tyler reached up, fingers wiggling as she blinked her sleep-scrunched eyes at me.

I grinned down at her suddenly grumpy face, leaning down to pick her up. I hoisted her on my hip and moved toward the bed to snuggle with her while I could.

"Do you know what today is?" I asked, settling us both under the blankets.

In lieu of answering, she wrapped one of her fingers in my hair and twirled it while the other went straight to her mouth.

I popped on the television, keeping the volume low, and minutes later her eyes were closed and she was breathing softly toward sleep once again.

From behind us, I heard the bathroom door open and the smell of Bella wafted through the steamy room. Even though it wasn't the time for it, I couldn't help peeking at her form the corner of my eye. Wearing nothing but a towel, I admired the curve of her thighs and the dip that lead beneath. My heart pounded a little faster in my chest, just like it always did when I got to see her beautiful body. It was moments like that one when I always knew we were meant for each other. The way she killed me with a look or brought me back to life with just her intoxicating smell.

"I can't believe you woke her up," Bella said lowly, coming to our side of the bed to lean over and kiss both of us quickly. "I'm pretty sure she has no idea what's going on."

I scowled at Bella and then looked back at Ty. "You know more than Mommy thinks, don't you Surfer Girl?" I whispered. She stirred, but didn't wake. I tucked the blankets tight around her before I climbed out of bed to take my turn in the shower.

On my way to the bathroom, I walked over to where Bella was lotioning her arms and trailed my fingers across the top of her shoulder. "Love you."

"I love you, too."

.

.

.

"If the two of you want to do some real surfing, you're welcome to do your own thing; you don't have to stick with us the whole time. Or you guys can always head up and check out the waterfall," Bella said, looking over her shoulder at the kids in the back. We were lucky that even though Kai and Ahe weren't in town, they'd given Bella a way to get into their shop so we could borrow boards and their van.

Lisle hummed and shook his head at her. "We came here to see you guys, not to take off on our own all the time. Plus, I want to be there for Ty's big moment."

At the mention of her name, Ty's head moved back and forth and she searched for her brother. "Lie-li!" she giggled.

He reached over and scratched her head. "I'm right here, Little Sister."

As was the norm, she wrapped her fingers around one of his, keeping him there until we pulled into a parking space at Waimea.

As we unloaded the van, I was feeling jittery with all the excitement flowing through me – perhaps even a little bit of fear. I'd promised Bella it was safe, that Ty was ready… and I couldn't let either of my girls down.

.

.

.

Towels were spread out and the sun was shining brightly as we settled in for our day at the beach. Tyler had plopped down in the sand, digging with her little pink shovel, and after what felt like only fifteen minutes, she was already covered from head-to-toe.

Never one to mind getting a little dirty, I sat down right next to her, enjoying the atmosphere of being surrounded by people I loved in a place that held so much special meaning for Bella and me.

Out a ways, I could hear Lisle and Senna laughing as he attempted to teach her how to boogie board. They hadn't wasted any time getting in the water, laughing and splashing as they swam out past the gentler waves in search of something a little less tame.

"They're so cute together," Bella said, bending over and pulling the baby bag toward her. She began unloading Ty's mountain of gear: sunblock, floaties, life jacket, visor, and of course, the little pink wetsuit I'd bought. "It's a bit too warm for this, isn't it?"

She held it up in front of her. And I knew she was right; a full-body wetsuit wasn't really needed, but still I frowned.

"Possibly."

"Not giving it up easily, are you?"

"There's only one thing I give up easily." I wiggled my eyebrows.

She laughed and shook her head, ignoring me as she focused her attention on Tyler. "You ready to get in the water with Daddy, Ty?"

My eyes followed hers, and Tyler looked a little apprehensive, but nodded her head any way.

We knew she wasn't scared of the water. Last summer she and Bella had finished the Mommy and Baby swimming classes together. And of course she'd done amazing. But swimming in a pool was a little different than swimming in the ocean. It was natural for her to be a little bit uneasy.

Sadly, I hadn't been allowed back in the pool after the first class.

Something about the instructor thinking my interruptions weren't appropriate or some shit. Whatever. I just wanted my kid taught the right way; was that so wrong?

"Stop pouting over there and help me put these on," Bella said, holding out one of Ty's floaties for me to take.

"I wasn't pouting." I stood up, and we each grabbed one of her arms, tugging and pulling the floaties until they were secure around her chubby little biceps. Next was her vest. We were all about the protection; even if she somehow managed to get away from one of us, we knew she'd float with no problem at all.

"You were totally pouting."

"Was not."

"Were so."

"Woman, don't be difficult."

She snorted and rolled her eyes at me. I ignored her silent jab and picked up Tyler instead, holding her tight as we bent to pick up the longboard I'd borrowed from Kai's shop. "Let's go get you some waves, Surfer Girl."

She grinned at me as we made our way down the beach. I could hear Bella giggling behind us as she followed. I knew she couldn't stand to be too far away – and I didn't blame her, I would have felt the same if our positions had been reversed.

Once we'd made it into deeper water, I dropped the surfboard and let it float in front of us.

My insides were a little jittery as I went to set Tyler down. I hadn't planned on letting go of her for a second, but just before her feet could touch the board, she started screaming and scared the shit out of me.

I tightened my grip and pulled her back, using my hands to check and make sure she was okay.

Bella was at our sides immediately, eyes' taking the same inventory as my hands to make sure our girl was okay. "What happened?"

"Nothing!" I said defensively. "We just got out here!"

"Well she's screaming for some reason!"

I glared at Bella for a second and then looked back at Ty. Visibly, she looked fine. I tried to set her down again, but she was not having it. At all.

"What's wrong, Sweetheart?" I asked, using my thumb to wipe a tear from her cheek.

She shook her head at me and lifted her arms, leaning toward Bella in that silent kid way of asking to go to someone else. I only held her tighter, not wanting to give up control of the moment.

She just continued to lean toward Bella, lifting her arms up and grunting. When her eyes landed back on me, I never expected what came out of her mouth.

"I don't want you, Daddy," she said, clearer than her two and a half year old self should have been able. "I want Momma."

**.**

**.**

**.**

_**July 25, 2033 – Santa Cruz, California**_

By then, I'd known how it felt to have my heart broken. It had happened a time or two… but not by her. Never by my baby girl.

Until just _that _second.

I hadn't even _considered _the possibility that Tyler wouldn't want my help. I was used to Lisle. Boys and their dads, you know how it is.

Apparently little girls wanted their moms.

We both knew she'd been waiting for just that perfect moment to, well, let it all out. I'd just never imagined it would be _then_. I remember having to sit back and watch as Bella lowered Ty's feet to the board with no problem. She held her hands, keeping her steady as it bobbed with each wave that passed below them.

She was all smiles and grins, just like I'd imagined. And she rocked it. Just like I always knew she would. She still does. That girl can rip.

It's why I have to fight off these stupid boys and consider borrowing Charlie's guns.

"Are you daydreaming again?" Bella's voice brings me back from my memories. I blink and look down at her.

"Men don't daydream."

She lifts an eyebrow.

"Okay, we don't daydream _much_. It's not manly."

"You have serious problems."

"You love me anyway."

"We covered that before you slipped into your little daydream, didn't we?"

I narrow my eyes and squeeze her hip. She laughs and squirms.

"You think she'll ever be sweet again?" I ask.

"Maybe when she's older… and not quite so teenage-y and hormonal."

"Were you like this? I don't remember _you_ being like this."

She snorts. "Well, I _was_ a little bit older than Ty when we met. And, I'm sure I don't need to remind you that you weren't my father."

I bury my nose in her hair and laugh. "Gross."

She giggles, and I love it. I'm glad she's smiling and happy instead of upset. Ty will come around. She always does.

Then we'll go through this all over again.

And I wouldn't change a second of it.

* * *

><p><strong>This is truly the end for this couple, and I can't thank each and every one of you enough for joining me on this ride. It's been a rollercoaster of ups and downs that I'll cherish forever.<strong>

xx


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